I'm Thinking About Having An Affair...If it were not for me initiating sex it would never happen. I initate sex 99% of the time while my husband would be happy if it would only happen a few times out of the month. At first the excuses were that he is just tired. And then it became "I have to get up early in the morning so lets do it on the weekends". I'm not feeling well, Not tonight baby i'm just not in the mood, "I'm not going to be able to get up in the morning and I have a meeting first thing" followed. I'm so tired of getting turned down I'm actually considering having an affair. I love my husband beyond anything but I can not accept the fact that I might have to live without intimacy for the rest of my life. We make love whenever it's convenient for him. And it's always rushed, maybe about 2 minutes of foreplay and then straight to business. He rows over and watch tv or go to sleep. He never holds me after. Recently he has been having trouble getting an erection and need alot of stimulation to make it happen. When before all I had to do was say I wanted to have sex and he was ready. My husband is only in his 30's. A few months ago twice he couldn't even get an erection when we were about to make love. And one morning before he went to work we were in the middle of a quickie and he went soft. That time I cried. I felt like I wanted to hide under a rock and die there. He has said that he thought it was a medical issue but went to see his doctor and had test ran and nothing showed up. I have to admit that we both have gained weight since we were first married. During my pregnancies I gained about 30 pounds each pregnancy. Which is a lot from someone who is 5ft. 3in. tall and weighed 130 pounds. I don't even want to say how much I weigh now but it's a little under 190 pounds. I do not think that my husband is attracted to me anymore. I've ask him if that was the issue and he denies it. I'm in a funk. My esteem is non-existent but I put on a smile and pretend that I'm fine while I'm dying inside. I hide my body from him. I do not get undressed in front of him. I lock the bathroom door so that he can not see me. We used to take showers together and now I'm too embarrassed. I catch him looking at other woman a whole lot now. At first it didn't bother me because it's just looking right but ever since I caught his eyes following a girl when we were at the grocery store. I was in the car and he was putting the bags in the back seat we were talking and suddenly he stopped in mid sentence. I turned to see why and he was staring at this young girl who walked past him all the way until she got into the store. I was embarrassed, hurt, and beyond livid. I can not afford to go to the salon often and buy the latest style fashions because of our household budget so I recycle clothes often to sacrifice. I look decent not frumpy but I put on make up and do my own hair. I dress sexy when we are about to get intimate. I can stand to lose weight but I'm happy with what I see in the mirror. I'm unhappy because I know my husband doesn't. I always get attention from other men even when my children is with me. I don't know what to do! I've asked him to tell me what the problem is and he just say that there isn't one and that he is indeed still attracted to me. Still, why does it feel like he's lying?
sodonewithit 31-35 9 Responses 3 Feb 3, 2011