I Live In A Sexless Marriage Already... But I'm Getting Married In July...I hope that in writing this, I'm not sending all of my heart into the open, only to get nothing in return... I have raked the internet for any and all hope and help for our relationship, and somehow I was led to this site. I hope this was not a coincidence.
A bit about me: I am 22 years old, and I am getting married in July. My fiance and I are such a team, and we enjoy each other's company, but we lack that physical intimacy... I've seen so many people complain that they are intimate with their husband only once a week---shew, I'd be happy with once a month! In the beginning, we had great sex, we were with each other all the time, and we had no complaints in that department. We'd always love to find something new to "experiment" with. now, it has seemed to drop off... in the past year I think we've been intimate maybe only 8 times or so... This hurts me SO badly. I've tried EVERYTHING, and I get accused of being "clingy" and "always focused on sex" and all of those negative comments---you get the picture. It seems to consume my life... The only time I get relief from it is at school ( I am a teacher) when I am so focused on my kiddos, I can't think of anything else. It is a sanctuary for me, much more than my own home.
Every few months, my fiance travels for work. He's usually gone for about 3-4 days and then home for 3-4 days, and so on and so forth. Once, when he was gone, I was so upset and crying because I felt unloved and not beautiful. I cried and wished that I could be skinny, like all of those girls I know he is watching on the internet. But, I remembered that I had a bustier that I used to wear for him when we used to be intimate together, so I thought I would dig it out (it was actually stuffed into the trunk) and see if it still fit me. To my surprise, it fit nicely, and it actually looked good on me. I was so excited and happy and ready for him to come home so I could show it off. I rewarded myself that night with some "me time"---my favorite drink and movie. That morning, I went and bought some new (even sexier) lingerie, and I had a fantastic idea. I would take a picture of myself and text it to my fiance just before he got on the plane---that way, he'd be aching to have me. I've never done anything of that magnitude before, and I thought that it was the "spark" that we might need to get this rolling again. I sent it to him, and minutes later I get the reponse : "it looks good, but sex might have to wait until tomorrow." really? this is all you can say? it really hurt that he took more words to explain why he couldnt than to tell me it looked good. I sunk to the floor in tears. Earlier that day, I had felt sexy and beautiful for the first time in a long time. And then, in that moment, I felt so worthless and stupid for even trying something like that. I felt silly and stupid, and not sexy anymore, and I just wanted to burn the stupid thing. I just wanted him to desire me. I wanted him to be aching for me so much, that he couldnt wait to see me.
I gave it time--Maybe be is just tired. it's been three months since that day, and he hasn't mentioned the lingerie (or sex) since then. I've left hints, I've tried to initiate, but all I get is that he is too tired, or it is too late, or i am too clingy, or i only think about sex, or "why can't you just be happy?". I wish I could be content, but it just eats me up inside. I've resorted to just keeping my mouth shut, and trying to figure it out. I just wish I knew what to do... and I hope I find help (or at least a friend) here.
Why can't I just feel wanted, for once in my life?