We Had The "talk", And What A Shock!So I finally worked up the courage to sit hubby down and have yet another “talk”, with him.
The kids were both at sleepovers, and I thought this was the perfect time. I just started out by saying I love him dearly, but these last few years I have felt more and more lonely, and really miss the closeness, and intimacy we once had. I feel like he has just lost any interest in me, life has become such a rut. We both work, me only part time, and I keep up the house, taxi the kids around, do all the shopping, and most of the cooking.
I just asked him straight out why he seems to never be interested in sex anymore, six months in between, is just not normal. I try to initiate most of the time, and far less than I really want to for fear of continued rejection. He has never been the worlds greatest lover, just the basics, always missionary, as soon as he is ready, we have had enough foreplay, and time to get down to business, for a few brief minutes, then bam, it’s over, he rolls off me, and he is falling asleep, and I am just wondering why I even want this, and so many times just cried myself to sleep.
But I guess it is partially my fault. Before we met, I was attracted to, and always ended up with, some pretty hot guys, and hot lovers. But after my heart was broken seemed like time after time, I went with a luke warm guy, the safe bet, that would never leave me. Oh what a fool I was. But he is a good father, and a good provider. But often irresponsible, and a procrastinator. When he starts something, he seldom finishes it. Kind of like what I get out of sex with him.
Honesty, when this started a few years ago, like 5, I felt so ugly, undesirable, I did turn to my other friend for comfort…. Food. I gained like 70 lbs, I think to justify why I felt rejected, and just stuff my face seeking comfort. So finally I decided I needed to make more effort, I joined the gym, I bought new clothes, when I got back to normal. Got a Victoria’s Secrets account, and new things I would let him see me in. Tried to give him “the look”, snuggle up next to him and pretend I actually “liked” watching Nascar and football with him.
I have done everything, for the past 2 years or so to get his attention. If I try to rub his back, or touch him at all in bed, it’s like I have the plague. Guys check me out all the time, and I have many flirt, and just straight out offers. While flattering, I just wanted my husband to desire me.
Up until now, he would just change the subject during our talks, say he is so tired, has a headache, not in the mood…. WTF? I thought it was only women that got the 10 year headache, and men want sex all the time!!! I know he watches **** sometimes, so he must have desire. Why not for me?
Well now the truth comes out. He says he loves me, but does not feel in love with me, doesn’t feel that way about me anymore. He sees me as his best friend. Wow. I am hurt beyond words. I don’t know what to say. I somehow imagined, hoped, that he would see how lonely I have been and be a man and do something about it. I am committed to my kids, at least for a few more years, or I would be done.
But then it gets worse. I suggest counseling, but he says it’s too expensive and doesn’t see it leading anywhere. I ask him if he has someone else, and he swears no. Then, he says it would be ok with him if I found a special friend, to fill those needs for me. I thought I was shocked already.
After I thought about our “talk”, I have come to realize that he will never be the man I want, is not willing to even try. I think he either has or wants to have a special friend for himself.
This was in March. It has taken me this long to come to grips with this. Since then I have seen no effort from him. And honestly at this point, I guess this is what he wants, and while not my ideal, I think I am accepting the idea.
What the heck, it’s my life, it is time I do something about it. I have read and explored here quite a bit in the past few weeks. I want passion, I want romance, yes and I so want hot wild sex….. there I said it. It is my turn.
itsAmysturn 41-45, F 54 Responses 18 May 19, 2011