Sexless Or Loveless..?
I don't mean to pry into this group, but it was suggested to post original from 'I live in a sexless marriage' group.
We Live In a Sexless Marriage...
Aside from real physical, medical and or psychological reasons for not having sex with your spouse, I do believe the sexlessness from our spouses is truly the beginning of a loveless marriage. I have shared with so many people in my life both in person and online and the song remains the same. It starts with no sex, then spirals into no love, tenderness, care or passion.
Especially if your spouse is female, women in general have emotional ties with sex, so if the sex stops, it could be their emotional valve for you has been turned off. And for women, to turn that valve back on is quite a challenge.
For men, our hormones calls for sex, with or without emotion, we just got to release our sexual energy more often. So for a man to stop giving his spouse sex AND NOT any of the legitimate reasons mentioned above, there must be some issues to pass up sex. Not generalizing here and calling all men horn dogs, but our life being is composed of producing spermazola and on a continual basis, therefore a natural need for release. And yes of course, everything is better with love and passion.
I do think at first we all miss the sex. But we really miss the TLC. The passion for each other. The emotional bond and exchange with our mates. The exclamation of acceptance as opposed to rejection. The natural ex
Now if we find ourselves in a relationship where our spouses have either a physical, medical and or psychological problem with libido or sexual organs, then the spectrum changes, because it would mean the physical condition of no sex is prevalent, but love, tenderness and care are still a major part of the relationship. This type of situation I feel is one that is not part of this group. It is entirely another situation, a commendable one on this type of relationship.
So aside from the above situation, we are all here because what starts as no sex, is slowly basting into no affection and connection with our spouses. And that is where my point of: when a spouse stops wanting to give you sex, they are the ones cheating on us first and that just sucks, and not literally, because else, we would all be having fun instead of writing posts like these!
At first, I really missed the sex, then I really miss the touch of a women, because of that law: only with my wife... Then I missed the fact that I can desire my mate entirely, her looks, her smell, her touch, me touching her, wanting to exchange love in all forms only to be denied! Again, I have to obey the law, right. Then I missed the fact of being wanted. To not feel rejected or dejected. I mean, if my wife does not want me, who does? Again, on my part obey the law. So my plea: I cannot have sex, love and/or passion with my wife; try not to be turned on by her being her; look at her, but not too much because it will lead no where; and on top of that not think, look or act that there is possibly another woman out there for me or at least one that needs to be desired and loved? Wow, what an incredible commitment this marriage thing really, really is...
So we stay in a relationship where we are roomates at best, sharing a household, just about as civil as can get and cutting off our desires and just going through the motions until, until, until..? I truly think this is not what marriage is all about, a dead relationship sentence for the spite of what? Your life? What about hers. You know it has to suck for my wife to live with someone she really doesn't love anymore! And maybe I am the dead weight problem just hanging around thinking she is gonna love me again. Dang, perhaps it is I the true problem here!
For the kids: Ok, yes my main reason at first. But I see that they feel the thick air in the house. They can possibly grow up with a complex that we stayed together suffering JUST for them. Wow, that is such a nice gift we can give our children. Do not think for one minute, they do not know what is going on.
For the sacrament: Sure, cut of several branches of what life is about, sacriface it all, because you are committed to forever. Even if forever means sharing a life with someone that does not want you. That committment in other situations is called stalking...
For the Friends and Family: What would they think. After divorcing, seeing both of you happy!
For the bank: I guess there are situations where it's cheaper to keep her/him.
For other: <please fill in the blank>
Everyone, I am sorry if I do not make light of what this is all about. Because it is not a light subject. It is a serious one. I am tired of sugar coating what we are experiencing, because those of us who have hung on long to a loveless marriage know the deep cut feelings we have inside oursevles. It hurts. It is not right. It is not healthy. It is not smart to continue a personal "non-growing" sentence.
Peace with us all.
"If we are not growing, we are dying."