At A Loss!

OK so im not going to be short on this, I need help and dont know what to do! This is also not very neat! I just rambled on.

My husband and I have been together for 3 years now! In the beginning sex was amazing, started out twice a day, then it turned into great sex twice a week, then great sex once a week, then once every two week. Now it like when we do have sex its for 5 seconds and done. He use to be so passionate, making me feel like he wanted me, loved me, cherished every part of my body. Now i feel as iif he does have sex with me its to shut me up. It hurts i feel like im not attractive. I love him unconditionally, but its getting hard to handle when you feel unwanted. When i ask to make love, he says why dont you just want to cuddle with me. Well i do but sometimes, alot of the times, it would be nice to get more. He told me from the beginning he wasnt crazy about sex. To him sex wasnt nothing major, he never wanted it much. To me making love is a way of showing our love, affection, intimacy, and attractiveness to each other. He tells me hes inlove with me all the time, hes says im the only one for him. It just feels like its not true, when i never get affection. He use to kiss me so intimate to, then it turned to a peck. Im so attracted to him, but it gets hard when i get turned down on a daily basis. WHat do i do? I never use to think of any other guy, never use to dream about any other guy. Lately i have been finding myself dreaming about others, they all look like my husband but i can tell they are not. If you make sense of that. I even tried the sexy lingerie, not a turn on! Tried taking sexy pictures of myself, not a turn on! Ive done so much and cant seem to turn his head. I dress up for him, and he says why do you dress up i like you in jeans and a hoodie. You cant feel to sexy in jeans and a hoddie. Its bad that when i get attention from other guys it makes me feel beautiful, but anymore my own husband cant make me feel beautiful. Im so inlove with and he says hes so inlove with me, but i dont know how to deal with this. He wont go to a counselor, and it hurts! Im afraid our relationships is going to go downhill. I use to love going to bed with him but anymore i find myself trying to fall asleep before him or staying  up after him in the living room. He loves to tease me but not go any farther, thats what really hurts, like he dont care, he dont understand. I think ive rambled on enough!!!Thanks for your time,
ntvhottie87 ntvhottie87
22-25, F
5 Responses Dec 13, 2011

It may b something he has to work through, let him know u don' t picture ur married life sexless, he needs to figure out what he wants

oh sweetie, marriage life is so complex. sorry i have no good advice for you, I do not know what else you could do. The problem most likely is depression related . Does he take any depression medication? <br />
. Do you want to get pregnent and may be he worry about it?.,

I understand how this is a very difficult time for you - the hurt, loneliness, frustration and confusion that overwhelms you.<br />
As a guy, having a partner who showed me as much interest and importance regarding our sex life would have me feeling "on top of the world." If you don't mind I'd like to share some thoughts...<br />
You comment several times how your husband is the world to you along with your unconditional love and devotion to him. So, can we safely assume he has no doubt's about you ever leaving him? How very powerful it must make him feel having a devoted wife like yourself. He doesn't have to respond to you with his actions in ways that coincide with his words...Yet it only makes you try harder all the same! When someone is feeling as if they have all the power in a relationship they also know they have all the control! Please understand, I'm not suggesting you <br />
leave your husband. I'm only commenting on certain relationship dynamics that appear present. Having to give up his issues with power and control might also be part of the reluctance he has regarding going to counseling as you suggested. <br />
If I were to suggest anything...It would be to STOP trying so hard to get him to show interest in you sexually! It's possible - after experiencing you less needy that way. Your husband might be the person now finding himself being the one who's confused!! You might also suggest counseling again...Only this time if he refuses - you can make the choice for yourself to go. <br />
I am sorry about your situation...And I hope I have not offended you in any way with my comments.

What really hurts is I talk to him about how im feeling and he said i guess were gonna have to agree to disagre. To me thats not fair why does he get to choose what he wants and im left without anything. I cant understand it, he says he wants to be with me, he talks to his friends about how i love sex and braggs about it but he dont take advantage of it. I offer to give him oral all the time and he turns me down. What guy does that? I offer to give him something with nothing in return because i love pleasing him but he turns it down. I am at a lost im so scared of losing US.

This is exactly what I am going through. It is not your fault! It is his problem!