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3 Years Without Intimacy

My husband and I have been married 5 years. I am 10 years older. Our sex life in the beginning was great. He was deployed 10 weeks after we were married. When he returned home our son was born. While he was gone he says he was faithful and only mas*****ted. Then the problems began with our sex life. The times became fewer and farther between. Sometimes several months at a time.  I would initiate only to be turned down, stating " i'm tired." It has been 3 years now. I try to talk about our situation and he doesn't want to discuss it. I have been sleeping in the guest bedroom because I couldn't stand to be in the same bed with him. Don't get me wrong, I love this man dearly. He is a wonderful husband and father in all the other ways.  I found out that while he was and is deployed that the mas***bating was the only way that he could get relief. Now that is the only thing he is interested in doing. We have been to counselors to no avail. I have been told that this is a sexual addiction. He can determine the intensity of the mas***bation along with fantasy.  We have been working on our marriage while he has been away this time. He is really trying and giving me lots of attention. He came home on leave and I initiated only to be turned down again. He said " I'm sorry I was just not thinking about that at all" I turned over and died once again. I want the closeness again but I don't think it will ever happen.

behindmyman behindmyman 46-50, F 2 Responses Apr 11, 2008

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This was in 2008 when you made this comment...I was wondering if he stopped or if things got better? My husband began having ED problems about 5 or 6 yrs ago...our sex life just died. he has ALWAYS been one to (self pleasure) himself so when the mild ED problem came in the pic in his eyes he "knows his body best" and SELF PLEASURE (besides Ed meds) was the only way for him to get and keep blood flow back to his penis. We have going back and forth with this one for years that if you can do that you can make love to me,,,but still he can not. I have tried to tell him with ED if he continues to do nothing but "self pleasure" that what ever sex life we had would be non existant. still stubborn wont listen to reason, refuses. so just wondering how has that worked out for you, cause any smart person would realize that hey maybe this person is right, lets try something else.....let me know if you are still on here... thanks

If he is still ************ that means he is still interested in sex! There might be hope. I know it is emotionally horrible and devastating to be turned down when it comes to sex from your spouse .. but if I may suggest, ask him if he would be interested in the two of you ************ together, first each him/herself, then maybe try to ********** each other to get him interested in having sex with somebody else beside himself for a change..