Wow, so many of us!! I thought, judging by my circle of friends, that my situation was unique. It has been 5 months since we had sex and before that close to a year. With each of my 2 children....none for 9 months.
My marriage is only 7 years old, but I believe our problems began before our marriage did. Of course, sex is always better, more intense, more frequent when dating, right?? But even when dating, my desire for sex was stronger than his. I was astonished to be turned away--- that had NEVER happened to me before. Coming from, what I thought to be 'normal' dating relationships---sex several times a week-- to someone who just didn't seem that interested. Of course I attributed it to my appearance-- he must not like my 'type' (5'4' 135lbs brown hair). Well, he reassured me enough to get married- I thought the issue would get better, that it was all in my head.
Now, 7 years later, after 2 children, 20lbs, counseling, numerous arguments and discussions-it is certainly not all in my head. My friends all think he must be gay. The counselor thinks he has 'Mother Issues". And I believe if I looked like Heather Locklear we wouldn't have these problems (although part of me hopes that is not true). He says that he isn't interested, but that our marriage is successful in every other way. Of course, my ego and self image are crushed.
Anyway, I had a very short, unfullfilling affair-- that didn't fix anything. But at this point I still fantasize about other men ALL THE TIME!! I've even told him this. I don't know what else to do.