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How I Would Advertise My Man To Sell Him Off...

Man for sale, all offers will be considered. Asking price negotiable. This 1962 model has only been used a few times. Hard to start, may need repairs. Good at holding down the sofa, and terrific ice cream, cookie, or potato chip disposal system. This man will bring home a regular paycheck and promptly spend it all on eBay, but at least you won't have to support him. Much. Enjoys reading, watching television, sleeping, and is great at eye rolling, pouting, and general malaise. His interests include the US army history, US warfare history, US presidential history, and serial killers. This man will keep watch over the home while you go out with friends, go visit relatives, attend any sort of family or social gatherings, and will not question where you have been or who you were with, so long as he doesn't have to go. Maintenance required: 6 daily medications, a 12 pack of diet soda per day, frequent servings of spaghetti, subscriptions to Consumer Digest, Newsweek, and American Rifleman. Comes with guns, but doesn't actually shoot them. Also comes with tools, but cannot fix anything. Will need approximately 350 square feet of shelf space for books, even though he has a kindle. He will keep your DVR tidy by erasing your programs regularly, and will replace them with episodes of Criminal Minds, or anything about World War 2.

Make offer soon!
FraidNot FraidNot 41-45, F 17 Responses May 14, 2012

Your Response


No thanks, I already have one of a similar model. Although I think he might have received an upgrade, we'll see. Best of luck on finding the right model. :)

For Sale Reasonably attractive almost Virgin 48 year old female. Has a good job and is a dedicated worker. Very quiet spends almost all home time in one small area of the house in front of the television, never messy requires minimal upkeep, chips and diet soda feeding requirement. Will never distract you or talk to you and goes to bed as soon as you walk anywhere near the bedroom door and is instantly asleep under a huge pile of blankets which muffles slight tendency to snore. Has no friends so there is no social commitment only occasional visits to her messed up family. She will require you to make every decision on everything and then disagree with your choice but offer no alternative. Sheds continuously everywhere willing to consider trades for plaster statues of small animals.

Too funny. Maybe you and FraidNot could work a trade!?! They might not even notice... ;)

Update the reasonable attractive part has sort of lapsed as the poundage has increased quite a lot but then you get more for your money. This does increase her tendency to stay in one spot even more so you are less likely to be disturbed in any other area of the house though the chip upkeep expense has risen and there has been an ice cream and liquor addition to the feeding regimen which accounts for the poundage increase. The immobility guarantees that the poundage will likely continue to increase so you will get even more value for your money.

E-BAY<br />
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cheap almost new had very little use

Frustrated- thank you very much! I think finding the humor in it helps me stay sane! Glad you enjoyed it!

Lol i was at work and you just made my afternoon. Could not stop laughing even my colleagues new i was reading something funny.

At first I thought, who could be worse than my husband. Then I read about yours. Mine at least goes places, without me, but at least he goes.

Mine just hates people. He is a miserable hag of a man.

Hate is such a waste of time. Love is so much more fun. Does he do anything that is good? Maybe he needs a lot of encouragement to become something. Is he wasting your life?

Yes. He is wasting my life. No doubt about it!

Maybe you can lease him with an option to buy, not that anyone would

You just never know...he does have some good points. Maybe he'd be just right for someone out there. It just doesn't seem to be me...

Some guys are just meant to be alone

He should be. And may be that way sometime...

Ha ha ... has the bidding war started?

Not a single offer...can you believe it?!

I wonder if I can wholesale him out to an older female for simple companionship

Now that might make a better pair! Do you ever think they live vicariously through us, because we are actually ALIVE???!!!

I wonder if I can wholesale him out to an older female for simple companionship

The fertilizer plant will take any old rotten carcass off your hands and will even send a truck to pick it up.

:) makes me think of that Monty python movie, where they are going through the street with a cart, yelling "bring out your dead" and someone throws an old guy who protests that "I'm not dead yet!". Remember that?? Yes, I would do that!

It does seem that a lot of these refusers are half-dead as it is. Monty Python &amp; the Holy Grail was a kewl movie.

LOL This is great! I live in farm country and there's an old joke about the farmer who puts in a personal ad: "Hardworking single farmer looking for wife. Must have her own tractor. Send picture of tractor."<br />
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Damn, wish I hadn't answered that ad ........

Yeah... And I didn't even get a tractor out of the deal! Geesh!

How about: "free to a good home?"

Or.. All sales final, no refund, no xchange. In fine print, of course!

That's why i love this board. It's good for the emotional and financial end's of the relationship! LOL

This is great. Boy now I need to look if my wife placed a personal ad to put me up for sale. Now you may have given these woman ideas! Worth the good laugh though!

And what would she extol as your finer points, I wonder.. Or for that matter, what would the Hubs say were MY selling points? Hahaha! He's got to be as frustrated as I am... We just seem so poorly matched.

OMG that's great! Thanks for the laugh! :)

Thanks! The idea came to me late last night. I think it would be interesting if we all wrote up a "for sale" ad of our spouses, just so we would be able to look for their selling points!

Um, I am afraid I am out of the bidding already. He's obviously no good for splitting the firewood, his urine might poison all the bacteria in our septic tank and all that murder and mayhem in one package on the couch, I just don't know. Not to mention that there's not a centimetre of free bookshelf space in this house. Nor a wall free to put another bookshelf. Which is why we now have two kindles. :-D<br />
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LOL, what do we have, but humour, to tide us over!

Lol. Well at least he has SOME interests. Too bad one of them isn't YOU. : (