I Am a Woman In a Sexless Marriage

Where Did My Partner Go?

By: Cbeebees

Written on July 21st, 2012

I have been with my husband for 15 years, for the first years of our marriage we had sex all the time - it was a very fulfilling sex life and then he had a type of anxiety attack which they thought was a heart attack - needless to say since then he was on anti-depression meds and bam that was the demise of the sex life! We have a big age gap - he is 13 years older than me and I dare say this combined with the above has taken its toll!
When I used to try talk to him about it he got defensive and I almost was made to feel like a ***** for wanting a sex life with my husband! In retrospect I know this was his own ego trying to cope with what happened.
We have had 2 kids and a lot of stress in our marriage, even with us both putting on weight it hasn't made me want to stop having sex with him. When we do have sex, the sex is still pleasureable for both of us.
To add some umph in our sex life we started to watch **** together, but now if we have sex it is never without **** - that has replaced the foreplay and we do what we need to do and then it's done.
On every level of my being I know how wrong this is, but even more wrong is I dont know if I would want to do all the foreplay and kissing etc with him anymore. I am now 36 and am at the stage where I dont really care about making love to him, I just want to have sex.
I know it sounds awful, I probably should be moving on, but with 2 kids, the youngest being 4, I am just not ready to take them away from their dad.

By: Cbeebees

Age: 36-40 , Female

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8 responses

eric138

I guess where at kind of opposite ends my wife will not look at **** she say's it's disgusting. Personally I think she gets jealous of the thin disproportionate women. I'm thinking that may be your husband is pleased with the p o r n and probably thinks nothing is wrong. If my wife started watching **** with me and we had sex I would think it was great. I would leave it up to her to say I need kissing and hugging. I don't think you really want to leave him all marriages are missing something. I think you'll be all right you just need to explain things to him.

Aug 12, 2012
1 like
- Cbeebees
  Mmm ok cool - now that you put it in that light, I guess I haven't actually said to him maybe we should try skipping the p o r n! However at this stage I would just appreciate if he had any desire to have sex, I am not really bothered with all the kissy, huggy stuff - it just seems abnormal that he can do with sex every second or third month! You right, I am by no means ready to leave him, its just when you get so fed by society saying men love to have sex, it seems so screwed up that it doesn't interest him anymore. I know he isn't having an affair or getting it elsewhere, so it's just really sucky!
  
  Aug 12, 2012
  1 like
- eric138
  I'm 38 and I want sex at least a couple times a week if not more may be I won't feel that way in ten more years I'll have to wait and see. It seems that with all the male products out there he could take something to get him going. I know some men might have a hard time talking about that. But if something is broke you have to fix it. May be he thinks that you don't want that much sex he might think he is nagging you.
  
  Aug 12, 2012
  1 like
- Cbeebees
  But first prize would be him knowing he has a problem and wanting to do something about it - he has just turned 50 and this has been a problem for about 6 years now - so I have tried to talk about it but he just says it does bother him and then gets defensive. At one stage he had his testosterone levels checked and that was fine. After that he did nothing else, I don't really think its my place to keep making the effort. I think between the alcohol and the anti-depressants he was on his sex drive is dead! So I hear you, you do have to fix it but you can only fix it if both parties are willing.
  
  Aug 14, 2012
  1 like
drawnthatway

"Now if we have sex it is never without **** " What the heck is ****? Does this system censor sexually graphic words? How are we supposed to help if we can't figure out what she is saying? Whatever **** is critical to the entire issue.

Aug 7, 2012
1 like
- Cbeebees
  Got to love the censorship....but the **** stood for sex movies (p - o - r - n) ...not sure if it will censor it out like that - but lets try!
  
  Aug 12, 2012
  1 like
eric138

Sounds to me like all you need to do is get rid of the **** you don't need it all the time. But there is a communication problem between you two may be more time alone is the answer.

Jul 28, 2012
2 likes
- Cbeebees
  It definitely is a problem but by the time you are at the stage where you will just about do anything that may just spark some interest it just ends up being the only way again! Bleh :-(
  
  Aug 12, 2012
  1 like

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