I Am About To Enter Into A Phase Of A Sexless Marriage.

And I don't see why I should deprive myself of good sex because my husband places his needs without considering our relationship. I am at a stage where I want to live my life to the fullest and that includes great satisfying sex.if this can only happen with someone else, then so be it, My husband would prefer I have an extra material affair or a range of partners rather than researching options and alternative treatments for low grade prostate cancer. He made the decision for surgery without consulting me and appears to have no interest to look research into side effects or options we hve reagrding impotence or incontinence. He just assumes tht I will live with impotence or any other side effects and be completely faithful to him,

I am hurt that he is playing the victim and just assumes that I have to drop everything, change my life - without discussing with me about how this will affect our life together to cater for him, the cancer victim. I want to support him but he has absolutely little regard for how it's affecting me.
checkouttime checkouttime
51-55
7 Responses Sep 8, 2012

It's a tough spot to be in. He wants you to support him and you want your needs met and communicating that to him will probably not be a lot of fun and he'll likely feel abandoned.

My brother in law had successful surgery a few months ago with no side effects. Doctor's can preserve the nerve bundle, it doesn't always lead to complete impotence. My sister will continue to enjoy sex/intimacy and I will not, at least with my husband. I am seriously flirting with the idea of an affair because my husband (58) is fine with his untreated ED. He hasn't touched me in over 10 years, mainly because **** is sufficient for him. There is an unmarried man that I met who sets my heart on fire when he touches my hand. I haven't felt that way in so long I nearly cried. It's embarrassing. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I don't know if I'm supposed to try to be sexy and alluring, or just shake off all pretense and ravage him. Not being able to connect intimately with another person, having celibacy forced upon you before your time reduces you to an animal. That's how I feel anyway.

You are healthy and alive... and you have only one life.... maybe it is your last opportunity(though I wish you many of them!) to feel passion... Make step forward as well... Stop being living dead.... Good luck!

Thank you FullMoon. I don't know why people come down so hard on those who have an affair for intimacy. We're already living a lie.

It sounds like your husband has physical as well as emotional issues. It's very hard and it's okay for you to be human.

Fortunatelly prostate cancer is generally the least agressive of them all... If it caught in operationable stage it means it did less damage yet... My husband was diagnosed in 2005 with locally advanced prostate cancer(the operation was out of options already)
Had a radio therapy, hormons... After finishing the treatmnents(during the treatments he had no sexual desire about 15 months in total, so we did not have sex, which was understandable), his desire returned in about 80% what was before...After couple of years he got some other health problems unrelated to prostate cancer... Heart, mental... Sexlife completely gone now and all intimacy as well... I still care( and only one who cares)... But I am only human and my life did not stop yet, so I have some other source of what forever missing now in my marriage...

C'mon! Your husband has cancer! I am sure he would rather not have cancer and enjoy great sex too. I do not think that having sex outside the marriage is going to cause anything but problems for you and your marriage. He expects you to be by his side because you are his wife.<br />
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Treat him as you would want to be treated, if you were in his position. This is not something he chose for himself. It would be different if it were.

Hey Buddy, you may not like what checkout has to say but, this is not the place to judge.

Minimally invasive treatments have a poor success rate for prostate cancer. That's what his oncologist would tell him. Prostate surgery has the best remission/cure rate. Would you prefer your husband died a slow painful death? If there's one time when wishful thinking doesn't help, it's when you're dealing with cancer.

I'm sorry that you're going through that, but having an affair will not help the situation. I don't think that your husband is enjoying having to live with these cards that life has dealt him, no one would. Not to come down on you, but Yes! You should drop everything and help your husband fight for his life, and make sure that the life insurance and living trusts are all in place just in case.