Woman In A Sexless Marriage

It's very interesting, first of all, to see so many women have this problem and I'm not alone. My story is very similar to most of what I've read here. I've been married for almost 5 yrs. Like most on here, while dating and falling in love, we had a healthy sex life. Things were more passionate and sex was at least 3 times a week. Shortly after we moved into our house together the sex just stopped. It was blamed mostly on time spent getting settled, we were both working, and tired. But the first year im our home sex dwindled down to once a month. I actually met him online where my intro stated that I was looking for a lifelong intimate encounter. I made it very clear how passion and intimacy were very important in a relationship for me. Now I feel trapped. I luv him soo much, but I have been getting more and more frustrated and resentful of him not caring about my needs. I also found out he has an addiction to internet ****. I feel so undesired, unwanted, and less than a woman. I find myself more and more looking at other men and fantasizing about them. There are many details in between. He constantly tells me he doesn't trust me when I am not in his sight. I've noticed this behavior increasing. I've never cheated on him so the only explanation would be he doesn't want me sexually and doesn't want me to be with anyone else. I want to explore an outside sexual relationship. At this point I don't think it shouldn't be an option.
mschika mschika
41-45, F
5 Responses Sep 9, 2012

I can really relate (minus his addiction to ****. Mine doesnt seem to care for sex at all in any form?!?). Their paranoia is just the cherry on top and brings up a whole new set of questions (like are they the ones who are actually cheating?). Goodluck.

My advice to you: get out. This is beyond a sexless marriage. This is a man who is controlling and dangerous to your soul. To be addicted to internet ****, to deny your wife sex and then to turn around and accuse of her catting around behind YOUR back? Sorry buddy, that doesn't fly with me. You deserve better than this. I'm very sorry that you have to through this trauma. No one ever should.

Hello mschika, <br />
I find it reassuring to see how many woman have this problem as i'd believed it to be a male thing, see im in exactly the same situation, only its my wife who has given up on sex, we've been married 10 yrs have 3 beautiful children and i really do love my wife and believe her when she says the same, but love and sex are very different.<br />
But, like you, i also believe sex to be very important in a relationship and also had the same doubts and frustrations when she says she loves me but then dismisses my needs, thats something we have talked a lot about, I, as of yet haven't had an affair and dont think i will,even though she often tells me i should, i instead turned to internet ****, hence the reason i found this site, and adult chat sites where i could release the pent up frustrations without actual physical contact, not ideal i know, but it helps,my wife knows about the things i do both on-line and at home when im alone including the dressing up, and allows me to indulge myself in such activities, because it means i dont keep hassling her for sex, and i feel we are a stronger couple for it now without any secrets.I still would much prefer an active sex life with the woman i love,but if this way means we stay together and satisfied then thats fine, So sitting down and talking openly and honestly about the issues does work<br />
I really do wish you the best in your marriage if the two of you really do love each other then its worth trying to sort things out, fantasizing is good if it helps, have you told him about your fantasy's ? or tried sitting down with him while he watches internet **** and talking about it, maybe there are things he likes but feels ashamed of that fact so keeps them from you, which in turn diminishes his desires for you. <br />
I know i went through a stage of hating and being disgusted in myself for the things i do but her acceptance and often encouragement made the bond between us stronger.<br />
Anyway i seem to have stolen your thread, :-) sorry. i just wanted you to know you're not alone in this, and its a person thing and not a gender one. maybe there always has to be a partner in all relationships that has a stronger sex drive, be it the male or the female, its that pull between the two that keeps us together. thats what i tell myself anyway, :-) and it worked for us.

Have you tried marriage counseling, if not give it a try. Sorry that you're having a tough time, I used to have to compete with the computer too at one point. It's never fun

Hello , sorry to hear of your troubles !!!! Would you care to chat ???? If so add me as a friend !!!! XOXOXO DAVID