Is Friendship Enough In A Marriage??

To start off I am new to ep and am a wife in a sexless marriage. We have been together 5 years and married for 3 of those years. I have always had a strong and healthy sex drive but our sex life has never been hot or even satisfying. He has only had one other partner who is also the mother of his only child. He is unfortunately my forth partner. If I had waited till marriage like I had always planned I wouldn't know any different and therefore probably wouldn't feel so alone. For a while I was able to feel good with the hand holding and the occasional arm around me, but now that has all stopped too. My weight has gone up and down and that doesn't affect our sex life so at least I can stop blaming my looks. He has always said he wants more children but also says his biggest fear is me getting pregnant. To make matters worse, we recently found out he is going blind so he depends on me for getting him everywhere including work. How could I ever leave him now?? My dreams are often sexual so I find myself sleeping quite a bit. I miss being wanted and desired. I miss feeling like a woman. When I prayed for a soul mate, for my husband, I wrongfully assumed he would come with an adequate sex drive. I hate how this is changing me. The longer i go without it, the more i dont crave it. I know he needs me, but I want him to want me. It does help to know there are other women out there going through the same thing. For the first time in years I don't feel completely alone. Thank you for that! P.S. We have gone to counseling and even a sex therapist. It helped for maybe a month then things went back to our normal. The sex therapist said he thought it was Madonna Syndrome. Has anyone else got that diagnosis??
Elizabeth307 Elizabeth307
31-35, F
5 Responses Dec 4, 2012

In response to your responses...He is not on any medication and has never been. At my request he went through an examination for depression. She said he was not clinically depressed but he also didnt tell her how depressed he often is and how often he talks about being ok with the idea of being dead. If that isn't a sign of depression i dont know what is. Meds make a world of difference and can make you view things and life completely different. At least they have for me.
We went to a marriage counselor multiple times and it did help for a very short time, but it basically became not worth the cost when nothing was changing permanently. We went to a sex therapist only once because I was very disappointed when he asked my husband to leave the room after talking to him for no more than 20 minutes. He then told me to get use to my husband the way he is or leave. He said those were my only options. He then labeled the problem as Madonna Syndrome. Of course I researched the heck out of it, but decided that just cant be the problem because we have had sexual encounters and I didnt want to believe it. Now looking back I think the doc might have hit the nail on the head.

You said you tried sex therapy and it helped for a short time. Did you keep going back or did you try a few times, have some success then stop going?

Tell him you take your vows of marriage very seriously & this is actually making you have thoughts of leaving because you feel alone & isolated & rejected. If things don't change, you cannot promise you will stay. Is he on any meds?

When I prayed for a soul mate, for my husband, I wrongfully assumed he would come with an adequate sex drive

I have to say this line cracked me up, due to darn it. you wouldn't think that would have to be put in the details right? LOL
don't stay with him if it is only in guilt

Do you mean Madonna-***** Syndrome?

I think you can post your story here, you'll get more answers: http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/332