He Hates Me

Realizing after 23 years... that he hates me, My husband. I feel used, I've felt like that for a long time. But now it's different, realizing my husband resents me and hates me, along with all the marital issues. All the mean things, all the hurts and ugliness over the years, to realize that it comes from hatred and resentment. I can't express the pain I now feel.

I know I should be walking out the door, I know I can do better, I know all the reasonable thoughts. But here I am, another night crying myself to sleep. I have no self esteem left, I have no motivation, I don't even respect myself.

Born into this world as a mistake, words from my parents mouths. Born with resentful half siblings, knowing mom wasn't going back to their dad. I have understanding of what joy I might be to someone else. My sense of purpose, really! what the hell is it?

Why are children born to parents who don't really want them. Why are children subjected to molestation, abuse, neglect? To make us strong adults? I don't feel strong, I feel like a complete idiot for thinking someone actually cared enough about me and my well being. Fall to the ends of the earth to save me from anymore hurt.

Drunken adults, poverty, rape, neglect... I don't even consider myself one of the unlucky kids in modern society.

He feels sorry for me, I'm pathetic, a waste to society and I've ****** up his life. He only wants me here to tend to kids, appointments....
He hates me more then the very job he detests. He would rather stay there then come home to comfort me and show me a little affection.

Yeah I know, it's all about me. Sorry if I feel drained at the end of the day as well. Putting my heart, love and emotions into our children, raising my nephew, our pets. I put my heart out there daily, and I want some back.

I'm not worth the length of his arm, the sound of his voice to say I love you with all my heart. I'm not worth it.
conditionallove conditionallove
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 16, 2013

You are worth it!!!! Every effort you make, every thing you do makes you worth it. What it is, is simple.
"He's not worthy of you!"

i am a man and i too have had a loveless marriage no sex for 20 years she said at 32 she was not having sex anymore i did what i had to do to get married had 2 children years ago but no kisses hugs or contact at all. she works i do all i can ,i've begged tried to romance her clean the house do the laundry nothing will change her she never even kisses me or even hugs me i am a very romantic man but no one to share it with, i will not hire a women for sex and i am cathloic so i wont divorce her lonley man in florida

why are people so cruel, ive been married for 34 yrs, husband made my life hell, as i couldn't keep up with him sexualy, 3 times minimum/ 8 times maximum each night. after 15 yrs nearly had a breakdown, HE KINDLEY reduced it to 4 times a week, ( so cold and calculating ) 8 weeks ago out of the blue, told me he didnt want sex with me anymore, no hes not having an affair, only goes to work ( hes got no social life or friends) im only 54, where do i go from here ? if i call it aday, i loose everything after 34 years of crap. xmas time came and went, no happy xmas, no card, no present, just silence for 7 days, was glad when he went back to work, this then is my NORMAL TIME. best wishes.