Why I Decided to Stay

My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years the last 13-14 with out sex.  This is the 4th marriage for me and the 2nd for my husbanc.  He has been divorced before and I have been divorced twice before and a widow once.  I miss the sex in our marriage and have spent many many nights and days crying and worring about this problem.  My husband does not even see this as a problem.  He says that he has a lower sex drive than I do and he has nothing to change this.  He does have high blood pressure (so do I) and he is type 2 diabetic.   He was a wonderful lover before and after we were married and than it just got longer and longer between sex.  I have tried everything  EVERYTHING  but nothing worked.  I even thought about having a lover just for sex.  But for me sex and love go together and I know I could not enjoy sex without love. 

After all these years I still need and thnk about sex.  But many years ago I came to terms that if I wanted to stay married to my husband this is somthing I will have to do without.  He is a great husband.  We do kiss and hug.  He works very hard and puts up with a lot from me.  I am not easy to get along with I have mood swings and I am a terrible housekeeper to mention two things.  But I know my Husband loves me as much as I love him.  He is a great Father to my grown children from my other marriges and a loving Grandfather to my Grandchildren.  We are not real close to his children and grandchildren but they love each other.  We see my kids and grandkids all the time and many times for one reason or another my children and grandkids have had to live with us or needed money and he has always been there for them both with help and emotionally.  But as far as sex he doesn't even like to talk about it.  When we do talk about it I end up feeling worse because it makes me feel like I am making him do somthing he cann't do.  He was not always like this.  Before and after we were married we had sex (and varried sex acts)  all the time it just got longer and longer in between till we stopped all together.  

I can not and will not live out this man.  I would rather live with him without sex than live a life with out him. 



cjtik cjtik
1 Response Jan 8, 2009

Thank you for sharing. I have been married for 16+ years, the last 9 without sex. I have been thinking about leaving very, very hard because, at 42, I just can't imagine living without for the rest of our lives together -- maybe 2 days, maybe another 25 years...<br />
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Thanks again!