Loved But Not Desired

  ive been married 10 yrs and have 2 children..... had my 2nd one in dec 2007. our sex life has never been fabulous but yes we managed about twice a month till i conceived my first. I had to use an ovulation predictor kit coz since we were doing it so rarely we had to be exactly on time to get pregnant. 2 yrs went by and we had sex 2 times, wherein i conceived the 2nd time. 


i think that hit the nail on the head... and was the last of it. its been 6 months and am frustrated. i thot the woman was supposed to have the 'headaches'. i know he absolutely adores me but i cant live like this. we've talked many a times and am totally against infidelity. so have nowhere to go. 

earlier he was overweight so he said it made him uncomfortable thats why he dint feel like it. now he's lost most of it.... now its the children being around excuse. but even if we're alone in the house he doesnt even touch me... i like being cuddled, hugged, but i guess i'll have to make do without all physical intimacies. and when we do manage to do it it lasts about 3 mins 'coz we havent done it in a long time' (thats his excuse). so where does this leave me? 

i dint know who to share this with..... too personal so cudnt do it with friends or family. dint want those 'looks' from them everytime i met them

sindhicrawford sindhicrawford
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 23, 2009

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IslandGirl,<br />
Please think very long and hard about having children with this man. It will mean years of being tied to him. If you are having problems leaving him now, think about how impossible it will be with a child involved. <br />
Believe me, I've been there. I AM there! I have a child, 14, and I feel trapped. I feel as if I can't leave until he's out of school - mostly for financial reasons. <br />
We're always told that finances should be the last thing we consider, but yet, how can that be true in today's economy?<br />
Our sex life dwindled after 6 weeks into our marriage, when he announced he was going to be in control of our sex life from then on. Since then it is sporadic at best, and I was lucky to get pregnant. <br />
I don't know if I believe in divorce, silly as that might sound. Maybe I can't imagine what life could be like on the other side.<br />
I adore my child, and now he is the only reason I am still here. I need to make sure his future is as secure as possible.

thanks island girl! yes having kids only makes it worse! so once i told him that maybe i'd like to keep having them to keep the sex going! the kids become an excuse then. and right after ur delivery its the 'care for u' excuse! that uve just gone thru so much n u hardly sleep so ....yadaayayaddada.... <br />
yes the last time we had sex was on a vacation 6 months ago... lasted about 3 mins! <br />
dont hv kids just as yet... try talking to him about y u dont want them now till things dont get ok. believe me coz the no sex situation seems worse after the kids (ure not in ur best shape and hormones play havoc ) and then ur frustration comes out on them. which is not really fair.<br />
so wait....

It's okay... Just understand that you are not alone. I feel very much in the same boat in a sense. My husband and I do not make love on a regular basis. It has been over 3 months and the last time we did it was on vacation which is almost like you have to do it. Sometimes I think he did it with me then out of pity. My problem is that we have been together for 7 years and married for 2.5. We have been speaking about having children, yet I am afraid that once we do we will never have sex again. If you knew now what you did when you were trying would you have tryed then or waited? I am lost and feel as if this may never get fixed. I do not believe in divorce and am afraid that having children will make things worse.