I've been married for nearly 10 years. I'm 35, he's 47...we have two children.

In my early 20's I started experiencing high libido. Once I hit 30 the hormone flood gates burst and I have been "acting like a man" (my husband's words) since! He suffers from Low T and takes injections monthly (only agreed to this after we had a huge blow-up and nearly divorced). He was well aware of my high sex drive before we married, and was very accepting of this. Shortly after we married, the rejection started...

We have sex maybe once every 4-6 weeks, after I start acting like a mad woman because of my frustration, and initiate every time we have sex. I cannot recall how many times I have been pushed away or completely ignored when I have tried to initiate sex. This is the only time we have any physical contact; other than the daily peck on the lips before we leave for work. I have B.O.B.'s (Battery Operated BF) that I utilize to get me from one encounter to the next with my husband, but after nearly a decade of this, I've had ENOUGH!! I am sensitive to his medical issues and try not to bring it up. I've told him that its not only about sexual intercourse, but being desired, touched, man handled...still nothing! Over the past 5 years I have really tried to make myself more appealing to him; I've toned up, dress sexier, do things intentionally to get a rise from him...he will notice at times, but it still isnt enough to get him to put his hands on me. He swears it's not me, he's attracted to me, the sex is great...but his actions (or lack thereof) scream something else.

I love this man! I don't want anyone else...he is a great father, and the sex is good (I wish he were more aggressive...but thats likely linked to the low T). I'm so tired of arguing about it..I have finally relented and told him that I will never ask him for sex again. I will never bring up my needs, desires, etc...I will remain faithful and will love him forever...privately I am mourning the death of my sexuality, I am crushed and devastated, but I no longer want to feel the shame and guilt I have for wanting my husband to put his hands on me.

Any productive advice is greatly appreciated...has anyone had a successful ending with a beginning like mine?
BlueLacey BlueLacey
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 22, 2014

You sound a lot like me. I wish I could tell you something optimistic, but I don't want to mislead you. It sounds like you've found the right place here with us - unfortunately. I suggest you read the stories by others in this group - especially the women.

If you are not asking any more, you will now have a barometer on how much he may want it. I quit asking after my efforts went from full-court press, to half-court press, to frequent suggestions, to sporadic suggestions, to half-assed 'maybe? whatdoyouthink?'s… to not asking at all. The answer was always the same. I'm sure it is with you. Know what I found out after I quit asking? 1. she still didn't want me 2. she asked me half-heartedly (think duty sex because she could see I was depressed/angry about it) 4 times in a year 3. she eventually doesn't even ask for that because she truly doesn't want it!
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You may have the same findings. I truly sucks, but it may be reality. You will have to hope he will 'see' what is going on and work harder. Crossing my fingers for you.

Even drumstick curry also erose your hubby try it out dear

Better show your husband to sexiologist ....whenever you want's to have sex with your husband before that u just give him onions to eat as a salad while taking food ... insist him to eat more onions which automatically helps to involve with you in sex.... all time but every time he needs to eat onions...!!