Mixed Emotions

I've been in a relationship for just over a year now, but we haven't had sex in 8 months. Everything else about the relationship is great, and except for this one thing I could really see myself spending my life with this person. He has lost all interest in sex and I'm at a loss what to do. It all started when we had a conversation about what thoughts go through our minds while we were having sex. I told him that sometimes I think about fantasies, which he took to mean that he wasn't enough for me. Which isn't true. This caused him to put up some kind of mental block against being with me physically. I have tried to make it up to him, and always tell him how attractive he is to me and how much I love him, but it seems like things are just getting worse.

I'm at the point now where I'm sick of trying to initiate something because I know I'll be rejected. There really is no point. My self esteem is lower than it's ever been and in my really bad moments I feel like I am disgusting and repulsive to all men and no one will ever want me. At other times I feel so bitter towards him, like how could he do this to me when he knows how low this makes me feel. Then sometimes I think, why is my self esteem tied so closely to a man wanting me, I should feel good about myself for other things. And I do, for a while, but there is always this nagging feeling deep down that my womanhood is not good enough.

I really love this man, and that's why I have stayed and tried to make an effort, but after so many months I am starting to doubt if this will get better! Right now I can't even picture being with him even if he magically wanted to because I have built up so much resentment. I am starting to not even want to cuddle or kiss anymore.

Does anyone else feel the same way? How do you get past something like this??

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3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

I hate to tell you this but what you are feeling will only get worse! At least it did for me. I don't know who I hate more, myself or him for being so nonchalent about it all. If I were you I would run and not look back. Find someone who loves you and desires you.

I'm in the same boat as you, with the self esteem issues and the resentment and everything. My dry spell has lasted almost a year and a half. I'm sorry I can't offer advice, just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

You need to move on fast..Is he straight?I see you wrote months back people gave you good advice.You need to stand on your own again.Find the right person,in time all things happen for a reason.<br />
You are young life toooo short..