I Just Dont Understand

I am new to this group and I signed up so maybe I can understand why he is the way he is.

I have been married 3 times,(yeah I know that's a lot). I met Mike 7months ago and we hit it off great.. He moved in with me 2 months ago and we are going to be married in 6 month.He is a great guy. Works hard. Great with my Kids.We have no problems other than this. which seems to be only my problem. Before he moved in I believed the lack of sex was because of timing, but now that we are living together I know different.

I am 32 and have always had a very active sex life. Mike is 40 and after a talk about (what the hell is wrong with you, why don't you want me) he told me sex has never really been that big of deal. He just cuddles....the bad thing about that is, when he holds me close my body heats up and it takes everything I have to fall asleep.

I cant understand. we are supposed to be doing like rabbits the first year of a relationship. but I am lucky If i get it once a week. That scare the scrap out of me.....Whats going to happen 1 yr from now....5 yrs....am I going to have to live without? We have talked about it several times. He always promises that he will try harder, its not that he doesn't love me and desire me, it just that he must have a mental block. He is taking vitiams to make me happy but those things only work is he wants it to...

I don't understand why sex is so important to me. I have always been  the type to tell my husband that.."hey I have a headache, let have sex"....for me its the best exercise, med, it great stress release.....

I could probably be okay without the sex if he could understand that if he wont or don't want to have sex with me than at least be understanding when I help my self....

I joined this group to get help.....I really love him. but I don't want to have a 4th marriage go down the tube....please help..

stacy1976 stacy1976
31-35, F
2 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I won't tell you to not marry him, since you are the only one that knows how much you love him and whether it out-weighs the lack of sex. I can tell you though, if I could go back and do it all over again - I would not have married my husband. I love him and he really is my soul mate, but the lack of sex has caused me to lose any emotional attachment to him. I have been married for 9 years (in Nov), together for 12 years. Of the 9 years, 6 years of them have been without sex - none at all - nada. <br />
Okay, let's say I could go without the sex, but I do not even get the cuddling you get. He gives me a peck on the lips and hugs, compliments me non-stop and tells me he loves at least 5 times a day - probably more - and yet no sex. Conversation - hmmm...not the best and yet he has to be in the same room with me regardless if he talks to me or not.<br />
I really do not know what a "normal" marriage is - he was my first long term relationship - my parents were divorced, my mom is now on her 4th marriage. Her marriages all had intimacy - smack on the butt here and there, etc. That kept them connected.<br />
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Sad thing is - we do not even have kids, so all of our time should be focused on one another, no restraints, but it is not. <br />
Okay, I went into my own story here, sorry. I have no right to tell you to not marry the guy - but you should really think long and hard about it - long and hard. I basically have a roommate and financial security - every day I ask myself, "should I leave?" am I missing out on true happiness (I am 37). So, think long and hard about it - I think, based on your story, you have already decided and/or know what you want. Again, if I knew what I know now, regardless of how much I love my husband, I would not marry him and would not regret it one bit. It is emotional baggage no one should carry around. Good luck with your situation - make your decision based on your feelings and possible regret.

Do not marry this man!!!! You will live a sexless marriage. If sex is important, move on. Please read my story.