Why Won't He Touch Me Anymore?

We never have sex anymore. Our marriage is in a terrible state emotionally. We never fight or argue but we are so distant from each other. His job keeps him away most nights and weekends. The night he is home, he stays up watching stupid reruns on TV rather than come to bed with me. When we kiss hello or goodbye, his lips barely brush mine before he pulls away. I look back at every time I ever said "not tonight" to him and I blame myself. How much longer can I live like this, unloved and lonely?

mademybed92 mademybed92
4 Responses May 9, 2009

I hear you all, and wish any of you were here. My wife and I haven't had sex in 2 yrs and 6 months. She got very upset with me (not becuz an affair, but what she called a selfish act of fun when she was with heavy chores) and never came back to what it was before. Going down the tubes as little things upset her so much, and I'm the one to blame for everything that goes wrong at home. In 2.5 yrs our relationship has got cold, thaw a couple of times, and got cold again.<br />
I've been infinitely patient and kept my mouth shut for so long. I'm still with her for the kids... and for the hope that maybe...<br />
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For about 1.5 yrs self-satisfaction helped to release the tension. Now I losing interest even in that. Not interested in Viagra or any like that becuz 'takes 2 to tango' so what's the point. <br />
For you ladies out there: we guys are sometimes like children that like to be spoiled or pampered. If we get the attention, we don't need to look elsewhere. Once I read the title of an article: "Suggest your husband to have an affair... then volunteer to be her"... I wish so much my wife acted like that... <br />
MADEMYBED92, you are not alone. It's happening to me too.

Hi Still Amiss. My husband hasn't touched me sexually in 2 years and I was going so nuts, I did have a fling. I even told my husband about it and he said it was a good "substitute" while we "fixed" our situation. Unbelievable, right? Even if your husband for some insane reason is not jealous, it doesn't work. You will start to have feelings for the person, and then the guilt practically kills you. I broke it off with the guy (who was magical in bed) to try to save my marriage. It's been 8 months and still no sex from my husband. There are men out there who will want us. We just need to be strong enough to let our husbands go. For whatever reason, we think we can fix it. I'm losing, or have lost faith. I'm just still scared to leave him entirely. I'm sorry you are going through what you are. It will be okay, someday.

Did not realise there are so many ohter woman out there that have this problem.<br />
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The most i get to is a kiss on the cheek on the way out the door. How pasionate...<br />
Im even dreaming about encounters with strangers im so loney. If i told hime , he would prbably say go for it. Never been unfaithfull but it is staring to look really appealling. I want to live and love not be miserable I totally wont bring it up anymore, been there done that.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Have you tried talking to him about it?