I Just Feel Lonely.
I am in my late 20's and have been married for 3 years. We have been together for 8 years, and for the first 5 our sex life was good, even if filled with the normal occasional issues that do come up in any relationship. They were always temporary, normally related to being on different schedules. Once we were married things began shifting, and by the end of the first year we had stopped having sex. We had sex 3 times in the second year, and maybe 3 times this last year. I bring it up and he apologizes, stating that he just doesn't have a sex drive any more, assuring me that he finds me attractive and loves me. If it was just the sex I might be more assured, but there is no affection whatsoever. He claims he just isn't "that kind of guy", and I try to remind him that he once was. I think it would be easy to walk away if he was nasty or abusive, but he is generally kind.
I just feel lonely all the time now. With no affection and no physical contact I feel unloved, like I have a roomate. He doesn't want to spend time with me and doesn't want to touch me. He doesn't want to talk to me after work, claiming he talks all day, so he just wants to relax and sit quietly. He is a nice guy though. He is kind, funny, supportive, and generally a good guy. He is also the only family I have. I have gone through the same things all of you have, losing weight, trying to be "sexier" for him, but nothing I do seems to help. It's embarassing to talk about - I try to believe that I'm an attractive person, and I don't know why my husband doesn't want me anymore. He keeps reassuring me that he loves me and finds me sexy and interesting, but it's becoming harder and harder to believe him. Even the times we have sex are only after we fight about never having it.
I just feel so disconnected and lonely. But is it ridiculous to believe that passion and romance can exist along with good companionship? I think (and so does he sometimes) that I'm looking for the fairytale. I just feel like it's ok sometimes to want that. I think of leaving, and we have talked about seperating (he was right on board) but it scares me that he may be the best thing for me. Practical and secure has it's benefits. I just wish I wasn't so damn lonely at the same time.