Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Unwanted By Husband

My husband is suffering from depression and has started seeing a psychiatrist, after I threatened to leave him if he didn't do something about our lack of intimacy. We have been married for 5 years and together for 10 years. We never had sex often in the beginning, maybe once a month. As the years have progressed, the sex declined. But it's just not the sex. He doesn't want to touch me, although he does hug me on occassion. He also doesn't touch himself and has never ***********, which made me think that perhaps he had been abused, but he claims he has never been abused and shows no other indications of abuse. So the psychiatrist and his doctor have diagnosed him for depression.

However, I'm feeling unwanted, unloved and unattractive. I have one child and it was a miracle we got pregant, (we only had sex twice in the year I conceived, and that was to get pregnant). After I got pregnant, he didn't touch me or want to have sex with me until well after I stopped breastfeeding. All up, we didn't have sex for 2 years. That is the longest we haven't had sex. My daughter is now 3 years old, and we have had sex about 3 times. Always I initiated the sex.

I am in my thirties and at my peak. The only way I can seek satisfaction is by ************ myself. I have erotic dreams about my ex boyfriend from 15 years ago (which was the best sex life I have ever had!).

I don't know whether I should leave my husband and if I did, where would I go and how would that affect my daughter. I work full time as I am the breadwinner, and one of my friends thinks my husband is depressed because of this. But he was earning more than me before and our sex was still limited and brief.

The last time we had sex, which was 5 months ago, my husband didn't really feel like it and never came. He often doesn't come or he loses the errection half way through.

I have talked to my husband about this for years, and although he is seeking help from doctors, there has been no change. He is not taking anti-depressants, so this would not affect his libido, but he still has no libido. I don't know what to do. If I try to dress or act sexy, he tells me I'm being silly. I tried wearing nice things and always wearing make-up, without any reaction. I feel rejected and completely unattractive. It is like we are just renting together. I made a vow through sickness and health, but I don't want to live the rest of my life like this.

Depressedhusband Depressedhusband 36-40 6 Responses Jun 14, 2009

Your Response

Cancel

ladies , is there a way to make them talk about this problem? is it so hard to admit that either they are not attracted to us or whatever reason might explain the situation?

I feel for you. I found this site out of desparation ... I am teetering on the brink of divorce myself and feel like I am the one who must be crazy to consider leaving for lack of intimacy (and feeling more like his mom than mate)... It is comforting to know I am not alone in my feelings. If you think you have exhausted all possibility that it will change, then you too may have to consider moving on... what is the other choice? I know for me that just isn't possible -- I can't live not being desired forever. Recently I have toyed with the thought of an "affair" or friend with benefits -- as the kids call it -- but apparantly I can't risk hurting him that way. He deserves me honestly leaving him before dishonestly cheating --- he is a good man and I just can't --- as much as a part of me REALLY wants to!! Best of luck to you

better find out what is bothering him...if he is open to discussion....depression is a nasty thing in one's life but some stressful events deepens it.<br />
i dont know if he's gay but not being attracted to you for so long....maybe its more than depression. men are not all the same. perhaps some of them dont see their wives as an ob<x>ject of sexual desire. my husband and i are not really intimate , although we do it once a month or so...he laughs at me too , when im horny...i like to initiate it and it worked with my ex's , but no success with hubby...

Hell maybe just chatting with someone will help you emotionally, at least an mental boost...

ID HAVE TO SAY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE ON, AND THERES A POSSIBLITY THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY. ALL OF THE THINGS YOU ARE DESCIBING ITS A WONDER HOW YOU HAVE MANAGED TO STICK AROUNG THIS LONG. IF INTIMACY WASNT THERE IN THE BEGINING ITS NOT EVER GOING TO BE THERE. IVE BEEN MARRIED TO MY WIFE FOR 12 YEARS AND THERE IS AS MUCH SEX NOW AS THERE WAS IN THE BEGINING, SOMETIMES 3-4 TIME A DAY. AND ALTHOUGH ITS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, IT IS IMPORTANT

Hopefully the psychiatrist visits will help. Anti-depressants may help too, maybe he should see a doctor about getting a prescription. I started on anti-depressants about two months ago after being deeply depressed for nine years. I’ve read they can make your libido drop but I’ve found the opposite to be true. I’ve been hiding away in my own personal hell for so long, now as the anti-depressants are clearing away the dark clouds I’m starting to feel like I want to reach out and “touch” somebody again. His distance from you isn’t your fault that’s for sure. A female dressing up nice etc just for her guy is such a huge turn on, normally.