I Know I Am Different

I've known I was different since I was little. I have always wondered what it truely ment ot be me. Struggling between labels and social groups society has forced upon people like me.

What label fits best? They just resently made my situation mainstream, I say situation because I really cannot be labeled. My body is that of a man, My heart, Mind, and Soul is that of a women. Yes, I have heard the term, "A woman stuck in a mans body," But that does not fit. I believe it is more then that.

I do enjoy being a man but part of me thinks and feels that I am a woman. I don't believe I am gay. The Idea of me as a man having sex with another man is repulsive. I often wonder about being a woman and having sex with a man, and it feels right. I try having a relationship with a man, but what a gay man wants and what I want are completely different. In a relationship, I want to be a girl, I want to be treated as a girl.

Because of all this I believe I am Straight I am a woman who wants to be with a man.

I remember my relationship in high school. I don't know if he was just curious or if he actually seen me as the girl I was, but he treated me as if i was a girl. I felt so right then.

I do like the idea of wearing dresses, and my hair in different ways but as a guy it really is frowned upon, even a subject of jest if it is too different. Unlike women, men cannot wear women cloths like a woman can wear male cloths.

I don't want to be a drag queen, I don't want to be a tranny, I should have been born a girl, because that is who I am. Now that is it mainstream, people like me can become who they are on the inside and grow up as that person. After puberty it becomes much harder because your physical form becomes harder to change. Plastic Surgery can only fix so much, you tend to have to work at it. Even with hormone treatments you still have all those signs of your old self.

Even before puberty you still know your different. You cannot conceive a child. You also have to worry about your partners reaction to telling them. Even if you decide to keep it to yourself, you worry everyday what will happen if they find out.

But alas, I will live my life ion what society views as normal but inside the idea of being a woman, having children with another woman, That makes me gay.
Kaison84 Kaison84
22-25, M
Jul 11, 2010