Small Minded People Destroy Inner Feeling

i'm a man structually and womanly minded, but due to my up bringing of a man is a man and a woman is a woman, my feelings have been cast aside.

From the age of about six i knew that something wasn't right but never knew what, growing up i didn't have a lot of friends so interaction with others was limited leaving me plenty of time to think and in this time which turned into many years of thought i learned that my body parts were wrong, i asked myself the usual questions am i gay am i straight and why am i in this shell of a man.

After time i realized that i liked women (luckly this thought came before having any kind of relationship otherwise it could of messed my head up more). but i was still feeling like my body was wrong. I looked back at my past, asking myself is this a result of the child abuse i suffered i wasn't sure but this wasn't going to help me now as that was then and this is now.

After some more time i spoke to a friend about this hurdle and he said if this is what you really want then go for it and i will support you in whatever you do, to my suprise i was over the moon because the first person i told didn't judge me but that was the first step it was only going to get harder the deeper i went into it because i feel like im a woman trapped in a mans body but also attracted to other women, so i went to the doctors i was nervous and a little shakey but it was now or never so i just came out with it "i want a sex change" i gave my reasons for my request in a way that was deep but not too deep, then that look came on the doctors face of WTF. i asked how could this be achieved he told me that it would take years of seeing specialists and so on but then the doctor told me that in this process i would have to dress as a woman for 2 years before the real work of saying good bye to these private parts i have starts, i explained that i didn't want to have the change so i could dress in that little black number or the frilly skirt im comfortable in the clothes i wear and they will be the ones i will always wear, then i was told i have really big issues.

After that one visit it knocked me as im a fragile kind of person and what was said made me feel dirty and wrong but my friend never thought so which meant that there was still a light at the end of the tunnel but im still in that closet due to narrow minded people, somedays i dont think about it as it hurts that in the world today with the ever growing change of socities views and so on i feel i will never leave this closet.

I know that these specialists have to make sure that if you want that kind of change in your life it is the real choice you want and not a phase but still the small minded people kill the inner feelings of others with their own opinions and morales.

Can one really keep these kind of feelings suppressed for life or will one destroy themselves mentally tourchuring themselves, can someone please help me with sound advice as i don't know what to do?
InsideSecret InsideSecret
Jan 9, 2013