Took Me Awhile . .

and a semi-traumatic experience to change my perspective. In my earliest memories, I have always been very in touch with my body, and seeking ways to self-stimulate. Pretty normal and typical for me to touch myself. I learned the art of ****** pretty young thru ************ (Praise God!) and my 1st lover was a gentle, kind, experienced, and loving man who treated me so very special, and showed me the ways of intimate love with a male. I was a willing & eager partner, couldn't get enough. I have no regrets about having had many sexual encounters throughout my teen years, some were hookups, some were legitimate long-term relationships. All taught me something, helped me become more skillful at pleasure, and for the most part were thoroughly enjoyable. For many years I can say I did not have a negative sexual experience. The 80's were a still a time of sexual exploration and freedom for many. I fully embraced it ! I had no inhibitions . . I was open, curious, and always wanting to please and of course, to be pleased. Unafraid to express myself sexually and to make my needs and desires known. I can honestly say with no shame or regret I was a happy, healthy, and fulfilled woman.
Then I met and married my husband at age 24. How I ended up with such an inexperienced and awkward sexual partner for a husband is still amazing to me now, even being 2 years divorced (various contributing factors). How devastating it was for me to discover his ongoing ***** addiction more than 10 years after we got married. I guess I thought I was worldly enough to impart my vast sexual knowledge upon him, and he would instantly & magically transform into what I expected in the bedroom. No such luck. He obviously preferred those images over actual physical contact with me, his wife ! This completely blew my mind, and any pre-conceived notions that I had about my sexual prowess went south. There was NO competition . . I lost. As a result, my self esteem was in the toilet. I questioned my femininity & desirability. It was a rude awakening, and it didn't feel good !!! Ultimately we grew apart in more ways than one, I fell into despair, and I ended up hating any form of pornographic material or imagery. My days of sexual joy were suddenly and inexplicably denied.
Luckily I reconnected with a guy that I had known from a young age. We had been intimate together, and there was a intense connection that we shared that carried over all these years later. He was able and more than happy to rekindle all the passion that was buried inside with his patient, loving, generous, and sincere self. He brought me back from a deep abyss of insecurity and self-doubt . . he helped me to realize how beautiful and vital I still am. He treats me like a woman, brings out all the lust and sexual desire deep inside me, and revels in sharing pleasure in all its forms (and all it's glory!) with me. Together we fully enjoy, worship, and love one another's bodies. . no holds barred. We even share ***** & toys and experiment in many different ways to please each other. He has helped me to love myself again and rediscover ecstasy in ways I never have before. My senses are alive once again, and it FEELS SO GOOD ! I have always said the best things in life are (not necessarily in this order lol) sleep, sex, food, and love . . for me, every day I get 'em all is a GOOD day !  
KattG KattG
46-50, F
2 Responses Jan 17, 2013

Sure would like to give you a test drive!

Happy for you...thanks for sharing.