My Soulmate, In My Image

Let me start by saying, I have struggled with admitting this for over twenty years. I live secretly with my soulmate by saying she is my BFF to my family and that she is like a sister to me, to my friends. Many of my friends of less than 20 years believe that we are sisters, because we have become so good at hiding how we really feel when we are around people that we know.
We are both what people refer to as PK's, Preacher's Kids. Both my parents and my entire immediate family are born again Christians. Her parents and the majority of her family are likewise. I was raised to believe that being a Lesbian is wrong and a huge sin. If I were to give myself a label, I would say that I am Bisexual, because I have fallen in love with men before, but I have never experienced anything like being with this one special woman, that I love.
From the time that I was a teenager, I realized that I had a tendency to be drawn to certain females that I would become very close with as a friend and then at some point, with a couple of them, I realized that what I was feeling went beyond friendship, but I never acted on it and would never allow myself to admit that I was really attracted to them in the same way I was to boys that I liked or dated.
Where my love for her began: I had ended an engagement to marry and moved to a new city where no one knew me. I promptly joined a church and soon had a circle of 6 or more twenty-something aged, male and female friends that I spent most of my time with. She was one of those friends. She was staying with my Pastor and his wife, because her parents were good friends of my new pastor and had trusted her care to them because she had a new job working in a new city. The pastor also had a young minister living in his home, so the time came when the Pastor and his wife needed to go out of town and they didn't feel that it would be appropriate for them to leave their two, single houseguests in their home, while they were away. The pastor asked if she could stay with me until they returned. Of course I obliged and she came to stay with me in my apartment and never left my life from that day to this one.
We would talk for hours and tell each other almost everything about ourselves. We loved taking long drives and walking at the beach. It was during one of our indepth talks at the beach, that turned from daylight drives to moonlit wave watching that I realized that I had fallen in love with her. She went from sleeping on my couch to sleeping in my bed, but honestly no intimacy was taking place. Neither of us would dare admit what we were obviously both feeling for each other. Our bedtime talks began to become more indepth than before. We started talking about who we had fallen in love with before in our lives and eventually decided to talk about things that we had never told anyone before. It was easier for her to tell me her deepest secrets and desires, but I was still afraid to voice mine. One night I finally said that I wanted to tell her something that I desired, but just couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. She tried to reassure me that she wouldn't judge me, that we were the best of friends. She said let me guess, you want a ménage a trois, a *********. I said no I want a ménage a one, meaning with her of course, but I wanted her to think that I meant it as a general statement because I was still a virgin at the time. She quickly said that she could help me experience that and I felt what I can only explain as a super, intense, hot chill all over my body. We quickly both dropped the subject and tried to sleep. The next day came and I could think of nothing else, literally, except for that conversation from the past night.
We had started playing softball together on a team and after our game that next night, I came home with a backache. I was lying on the floor and she offered to give me a back rub. I accepted and she straddled my back and slowly pushed up my shirt. When her hands touched my skin, I literally felt like I was on fire and freezing cold, both at the same time. That was the very first time that we made love and it was the most intense and beautifully fulfilling, intimate experience that I have ever felt in my life and continues to be even now, 21 years later. I became one with my soulmate that night and even though I have tried to please my family and follow the path that I have always been taught is the right path to follow, I just can't stay away from my true love. She has my heart and always will. She just left for work and I am already looking forward to her coming back home to me today and every day for the rest of our lives.
Theeartistic1 Theeartistic1
46-50
3 Responses May 11, 2012

I think you can safely say - The Lord helped you and your loved one find each other. It is a shame that you can't show the world what you really are and who you love.

your story is so much like mine.. I've been staying with my bestie for more than 7 years now.. we've been together for 8 years. Everyone knows we're best friends.. I'm still hiding in my closet though... I just can't bear hurting my family by coming out.. I grew up in a strict Catholic family.. which is not that open to things like homosexuality.. <br />
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Anyways, I wish you both the best of everything.. love and happiness for always..

your story is so much like mine.. I've been staying with my bestie for more than 7 years now.. we've been together for 8 years. Everyone knows we're best friends.. I'm still hiding in my closet though... I just can't bear hurting my family by coming out.. I grew up in a strict Catholic family.. which is not that open to things like homosexuality.. <br />
<br />
Anyways, I wish you both the best of everything.. love and happiness for always..