No One Has Ever Met Her

Have always thought I am not a complete one... or "real" one because I liked girls... I don't mean to offend anyone here, I am talking about my feelings towards myself ONLY! True I liked girls since ever but I never felt it is right, have always felt a feeling that I don't know how to describe, but the word "silliness" could convey it, I just felt it is all silliness, I felt it is going no where... I felt incompleteness in my femininity...

I feel I am real woman from the inside, however, what the people can see is something else. From the outside, I am sure I look like a woman, but it doesn't show in my behaviour or my personality, apparently.

I am kind of embarrassed of acting, feeling and thinking like a woman "publicly" and don't ask me why, I always try hard to hide it, there are things that I feel and think that no one around me could ever think it is true, specially from my friends and family, hell even at work! I was left in shock of one comment my colleague made about me the other day, he said, "I see you hate anything feminine"  ...WTF! Why was I left in shock? Because I act just fine at work, things don't get too personal so I don't feel the need to hide whatever feelings I have, yet the people there still manage to know that I am not a "woman" if I could say so.

I'd say my external behaviour and my internal feelings are completely incompatible, they don't match, I have a very tender woman inside me, but no one has ever met her but me , I guess..............!
MissGaga MissGaga
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

I think you are probably just really guarded. So you wont show your true self to just anyone. Its hard enough in our culture to show your personality sometimes. There is guarding a lot of the time...but feeling the way you do probably adds to that.