For So So Long....

I was stupid to think it would be any different.  I met a guy online, really great guy.  We talked for 8 months growing closer all the time.  He was going to come to my country to visit me and see how we would get on in person.  Things were great.  Then without warning he just stopped talking to me.......no contact at all.  I rang him, text him, emailed, wrote and left voice messages all with no success.  Its been 5 weeks now since we last had any contact , I cant see any reason for it at all except he has dumped me.

Here's the thing..............................

I have never had a boyfriend before , never been on a date nothing, and yes I do know how pathetic I am.  

I stupidly fell in love with this man and now I just feel like I should have known better.  I feel like I am worth nothing to anyone, or perhaps more to the point I am worthless to me???  I am completely alone in my thinking , people say someone else will come along.  But the point is no one has yet, I just get used and abused and hurt there doesnt seem to be any end to it, my heart is broken , I think im broken.

I must be ugly and horrible for no man to want to be with me and mean it.  My mind is adament that I am just no good.  I dont know how to change that , I dont know how to be hopeful  -  not anymore.

NewDay NewDay
31-35, F
38 Responses Feb 27, 2009

i cna understand wht u felt

Hon u really need to stop putting yourself down. I have put that type of thinking in the trash

I have to say a lot of my stories were written when I was in a very bad place, and although I still have residing feelings that are similar I am working hard and exhaustingly at changing them. I do still put myself down its a defence mechanism.

If u will learn to love yourself I promise things will change

I am trying I promise you :)

You are not the only person who experienced with this kind of man...good thing is you got over him before it was too late. I feel for you cos I had gone thru the similar situation and the pain was unbearable ... Unless he was dead, he could still have contacted you if he had good intention. Now, I am so happy you have moved. You are beautiful, caring and loving woman, if he left you then its his loss. As I said...we are strong women. Love you always xoxo

Thank you dreamy face, I know that you went through a similar situation, for which I am sorry but yes we are stronger for this, as you can see by the date this was some time ago and I was in much pain at the time and dealing with mental health issues also which made it very much worse, however I am doing better. You are beautiful an you will to always be stronger for this, love you friend xoxo

remember it is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Take the positive out of it. You were getting on great for a good time..that means you are not ugly or worthless but you are someone to cherish! Why he dissapeared is his problem (he was probably married!!!), his loss! While he was there you were special, that is how you should look at it. Always look at the positive! I like what Unknowngirl said:<br />
'You have to believe in ur self and know that u may be less in some areas but huge in others and that what u feel about ur self inside reflects how u talk walk and even breath'<br />
It is true...feel positive about your self and that will project outwards.

Thank you for your words I do know what you are saying is right it is just hard to put into place at times, but thank you all the same.

Hello this is fredtazman I'm a guy that has gone through the the same thing so do'nt feel like the Lone ranger I might be the only guy that has feelings but let me tell you I've seen it all my self right now I'm single and I'm letting my higher power take care of this because my GOD can do for me what I can't do myself . I myself am looking for a person with a heart of understanding ,love and trust it doesn't matter what that person looks like physically I'm not looking for a perfect 10 in a women, I used to when I was younger uh! it never happened oh I had the chance but she went for looks and money so I felt I wasn't good for any girl.So I'm very careful ,I learned from my mistakes so it's not the end of the world, the world ends when you stop trying.Don't change your looks or your heart analize the person get to know first ask questions,my last thought when some people buy cars they just see what they look good in they buy it sign the paper pay for the car or pay on it and go then you have problems with the car because you did not ask questions about the car in the first place the you're stuck with the car and then you have to pay to get it fixed out of your pocket now what you have another problem so keep in mind when you meet a guy again because you will I promise you , I hope this opened your eyes. look up and smile there is some one up there who is watching you 24/7 and that is my GOD bye FREDTAZMAN

Sorry I have not been on here for such a long time and I do very much appreciate your comment Fredtazman, I hope that you are doing ok. I am now doing much better in life and feel slightly more confident in myself.

Thank you goodmove, it was a horrible experience.

Thank you, it seems to be the story of my life also.

you're not worthless and stupid; you're human. i too know what it's like to put yourself out there, fall for someone only to get the shaft in the end. that's pretty much been the story of my life romantically. i would say that the guy who did this to you has the bigger problem, he sounds like a real ***. don't beat yourself up over his actions.

Thank you so much Eric, I am seeing a counsellor for me feeling worthless although no changes yet. I have felt worthless for such a long time that it is hard to believe anything else now. However I am trying. Your friendship means so so much to me I appreciate it greatly.

Thank you danielmurphy that is very kind of you. I have met someone who lives about 2 hours from me and he is nice and I enjoy spending time with him.<br />
<br />
I still haven't completely let go of this issue but I am getting there. Again thank you for your kind words and support. :)

You're not any of those things, Kim. =/ You are beautiful and smart and caring. Someone will come along, I can assure you.

You people are much to sweet, you say such caring beautiful things to me it makes me tear up from the kindness.<br />
<br />
wiseowl, you are right, I tried and I still dont get why but I cant change it so I need to keep moving past. I am doing much much better than I was. As much as it pains me I have got to get rid of things that he sent me and the photo, it is doing me no good to hold onto those things. I was just kidding myself really. '<br />
<br />
Having the support from such wonderful amazing people really helps and I think that you are all extremely kind Thank you Thank you!!!!

Newday, don't beat yourself up! Dear, YOU were the honest one. You stuck your head out and was brave enough to take a chance. YOU had trust. all of those aspects are noteworthy. He was a coward,dishonest and didn't trust you to just explain his self & his real feelings. Give yourself a pat on the back for being a good person. You tried!!!!!!!

*tear* thank you. Its a good tear one from you being so sweet. Im not sure I know who me is but I am trying to just be me anyways :)

Ladee54 thank you so much , I understand what you are saying and I have gotten over it mostly but I still have odd moments. I have met a guy who lives 2 hours away from me and we have been dating which is really nice. So that in itself is helping me to move on. I dont rely on it to help move on but it does help. Thank you for your kind words and blessings.....xxxx

Thank you very much LordVoldemort you are to kind. Nyxie thank you for your understanding and support it means a lot. Sometimes it comes up and I still think what did I do wrong and why did he not just say something anything for closure but Im not going to get that so I cant do anything about it.<br />
I keep working on forgetting what happened. Again thank you.

New Day, I know it's been awhile since this happened to you, but I sincerely hope you've stopped blaming yourself. It sounds very much to me as if this person misrepresented himself to you and was probably married or in a relationship already, and that he cut off contact with you not because he suddenly decided you weren't worthy but because his wife/girlfriend found out. Sadly, there are a lot of people like that online. I'm so glad you've now found someone you like who is who he says he is. Good luck! :)

I hope things go well, love ans hugs.

Thank you LordVoldemort, I have gotten somewhat better about this but it still plays on my mind, why he would just ditch me without any explanation after what we shared. <br />
<br />
I suppose some would look at me not having a boyfriend as valuing myself but unfortunately that is not how I see it, no one wanted me, I got rejected time and time again, embarressingly enough. I mean I guess its old fashioned of me but I always thought that a guy would ask me out, but it got to a point where I thought this will never happen so I started asking guys out and just got rejected every time. But O well.<br />
<br />
I have since met a guy about 2 months ago who lives about 2 hours away from me and we are dating. It is nice. I have no idea what I am doing relationship wise but he is pretty understanding.<br />
<br />
Again thank you for your support.

Dearest new day, it's not stupid to fall in love, I think the only stupid person here is the guy who stopped talking to you without explanation.<br />
<br />
Never feel bad about yourself because someone used you.<br />
<br />
I never ever dated anyone, but my husband, and never had a boy friend. I don't think it's pathetic, I actually think it means you value yourself, and won't settle for something less than what you want.

wanderlust , thank you so much for your support and kind words. And the advice also.

I sincerely hope things get better. :) It makes me angry to read how people are so thoughtless and selfish sometimes.

Marj , thank you so so much for coming back to check on me. I appreciate that so much and you are right the healing from EP does help and the different perspectives from others also.<br />
<br />
Danda, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. It does help and I appreciate it very much, what you say does make sense I guess I just have to get my brain and heart to believe in me at the same time.<br />
<br />
keepingwarm, I understand what you are saying and thank you for a different perspective on things. Also for your kind words.

On a more concrete note, from someone who has been there and supports you/knows how you feel:<br />
<br />
I have found that meeting people online is horrible way of meeting people... at least seriously.<br />
<br />
It's a great way to put in minimal effort and see what comes out of it... sort of like "fishing" in a way. We throw the line and just see what happens.<br />
<br />
The disappointing part of online "friending" and "dating." (And I know a lot of people might shoot back and disagree with me, but...) is that it is not really friending or dating at all. I think we are all very visual beings and when we don't have flesh and blood contact, that other person just doesn't exist in the flesh and blood to us. So, it is easier to reject people online because we can't see them.<br />
<br />
People also fall back on what they know or are familiar with, rather than shoot for something they know less about, no matter how much potential or how optimistic. So, in the end, I think a lot of people might stick with what are surrounded with, the people in their local networks. Those people are more real to them than people they meet online. <br />
<br />
You see this might not have much to do with you at all. And the answer might be more simple. Look at the people you have around you, work with your networks of family and friends. Look online but be smart about it, have lower expectations. Until someone meets you, you don't really "exist."<br />
<br />
Also, that person might also be really immature or selfish. Two things you do not want or should never have to deal with. <br />
<br />
You're a great wonderful person. Focus on you and the wonderful things you can do. Don't accept less than you deserve; somebody with good morals and character.<br />
Hope things are better.

On a more concrete note, from someone who has been there and supports you/knows how you feel:<br />
<br />
I have found that meeting people online is horrible way of meeting people... at least seriously.<br />
<br />
It's a great way to put in minimal effort and see what comes out of it... sort of like "fishing" in a way. We throw the line and just see what happens.<br />
<br />
The disappointing part of online "friending" and "dating." (And I know a lot of people might shoot back and disagree with me, but...) is that it is not really friending or dating at all. I think we are all very visual beings and when we don't have flesh and blood contact, that other person just doesn't exist in the flesh and blood to us. So, it is easier to reject people online because we can't see them.<br />
<br />
People also fall back on what they know or are familiar with, rather than shoot for something they know less about, no matter how much potential or how optimistic. So, in the end, I think a lot of people might stick with what are surrounded with, the people in their local networks. Those people are more real to them than people they meet online. <br />
<br />
You see this might not have much to do with you at all. And the answer might be more simple. Look at the people you have around you, work with your networks of family and friends. Look online but be smart about it, have lower expectations. Until someone meets you, you don't really "exist."<br />
<br />
Also, that person might also be really immature or selfish. Two things you do not want or should never have to deal with. <br />
<br />
You're a great wonderful person. Focus on you and the wonderful things you can do. Don't accept less than you deserve; somebody with good morals and character.<br />
Hope things are better.

Thank you IVotedForPedro I appreciate your support I am starting to feel a little better, not much but a little is better than nothing. Again thank you .

Ok I understand what you are saying woodsm, thank you for the advice. Your words in some ways make me sad but at the same time make me think about where to go from here. Just like everone else's comments to my story they are all words I need to hear and am grateful for.

Hi, oh what an emotional ball we turn, everything from anger to sad, crying to wanting to hit something, frustrated and hurt with oneself, feeling stupid and the only one who has been thru this, letting the barriers down and blaming oneself, wow...... its amazing what we put ourselves thru. <br />
How dare we! allow ourselves to love someone, have hope, feel strong and beautiful about oneself, how positive we feel and interact, how dare we allow ourselves to leap forward with GOOD intentions!<br />
Learn from the experience, it makes you stronger and experienced or weak an needy, self loathing and ......<br />
One thing I found was to feel the emotion as to drown in the emotions. You forget how strong and independant, beautiful and a woman who knows what she wants. Sometimes we dont get it, wrong timing, or what ever the case maybe. You are always worth it, if you can't depend on yourself, who can you. We have all the friends & family but yet we still feel alone. Why? because its about healing yourself. Like attracts like, you get what you give out. When feeling down, sad, miserable about oneself, wondering why dont i have a man. You attract what you think, change your thoughts and outlook. It may not happen overnight but it will happen. 'Time is the healer'.

Diana124 Thank you for your support and kind words thats very nice. Cowshed123 thank you also for your kind words and the offer of support it is much appreciated

sometimes when i read stories like this one, it makes me ashamed to be a man!!! i dont understand how a guy cando such a thing!!! im a 28 yr old man, and i have never had a girlfriend or been on a date or anything, and in a way, i dont know how you feel being dumped as such, but i can understand the way you feel about being ugly and so on!!! i sometimes feel that way too!!!! your not ugly!!! you just got let down by an idiot!!!! i know its hard, but try and be more positive about yourself, and if you like, we could do it together lol!!! i give you a compliment, and then you give me acompliment back,and then i give you another compliment and so on!!!! my thoughts are with you!!!!

I am sorry your heart is broken over a relationship you thought was going to be forever (or at least end differently). "Don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened." Healing a broken heart takes time - just as rebuilding that trust. Your friends are right. The right man will come your way I am sure. As Maryomaga stated very wisely,"God never makes a mistake, and he wants you to feel loved and wanted." He will place someone in your life that is right for you!<br />
<br />
Please do not put yourself down in any way. You were made in Gods image, and therefore perfect just the way He made you! You are not worthless - you are priceless!<br />
<br />
God bless you! :-)

Thank you so much DelightfulBabe08 I appreciate it alot.

I agree with the comments above especially from marji and megjgem, you are not what you say you are here you are so much more, and I know from having seen you that you are beautiful, with no disguises, just beautiful inside and out. *hugs* I'm here if you need me.

Thank you all for your comments , I am having so much trouble getting through this , I cry so much and not even sobbing the tears just fall. I cant seem to get anything right and it all keeps piling on top of me.

Not everything found online is bad. Don't look at it as a failure of yours but a failure of his to have lost out on a woman such as yourself !!!!!<br />
<br />
Be strong and remember that you are worth a good mans love......just let it come to you when it starts knocking.

I pretty much feel the same and passed throw the same thing but the only thing is that we talked less for 3 month.<br />
It deeply deeply hurts, but u know what I discovered that I'm too much for them "I mean guys in general"<br />
Im not ugly I'm not stupid, I discovered that guys as much as they want beautiful women they fear smart ones.<br />
You have to believe in ur self and know that u may be less in some areas but huge in others and that what u feel about ur self inside reflects how u talk walk and even breath.<br />
We all might feel from time to time that we are worthless and nobody some times but look deeper u will see that beautiful elegant sensitive human being behind those words.<br />
When u ever u feel down look around and I'll try to be there <br />
TC :)

I pretty much feel the same and passed throw the same thing but the only thing is that we talked less for 3 month.<br />
It deeply deeply hurts, but u know what I discovered that I'm too much for them "I mean guys in general"<br />
Im not ugly I'm not stupid, I discovered that guys as much as they want beautiful women they fear smart ones.<br />
You have to believe in ur self and know that u may be less in some areas but huge in others and that what u feel about ur self inside reflects how u talk walk and even breath.<br />
We all might feel from time to time that we are worthless and nobody some times but look deeper u will see that beautiful elegant sensitive human being behind those words.<br />
When u ever u feel down look around and I'll try to be there <br />
TC :)

I can not tell you not to feel the way you do, I can only hope that God will bring you comfort. I don't know if I can offer you any comfort,but I would like to try. You are wanted, and worth more than you know. Please do love your self. I care about you and I am praying that God send you your hearts desire. God never makes a mistake, and he wants you to feel loved and wanted. I will be here for you if you want to talk to me. Love and Light Make everything Right.Mary