My Stream Of Conscienceness

I don't think of myself as unique. I don't think of myself as especially smart, talented or exceptional.  Sometimes I think I'm sort of strange.  In a good way and in a bad way. 

My husband pays attention to his stream of conscienceness when he's taking a shower. That's when he does a lot of thinking.  He often shares these thoughts with me.  "I was in the shower and I was thinking..." are the words I hear when I know he's been thinking about himself, his life, his dreams, his disappointments or his regrets.  A steady stream of conscienceness while he shaves and washes his body.

I sometimes wonder what the differences between his stream and my stream are.  I guess I don't pay much attention to my own, but he finds his own thought process to be that of self-discovery, unexpected wisdom and insightful decision making necessary for him to be a peace in his world.  I envy him for that.

My stream is more in-the-moment thoughts sprinkled with regrets and worries of the future.  

Why can't I be more like my husband?  When I'm in the shower, I'm thinking about shaving my legs and what kind of lotion I'm going to use afterward.  Or, wondering where the money is going to come from to pay the gas bill.  Or, thinking that I've been neglecting my good friend and I should call her tomorrow.  

My showers leave me cleaner than I was when I stepped into the bathroom and that's about it.  My husband's showers leave him cleaner but the big difference is he's figured important things out about his life in those ten minutes.  I decided on the lotion and was a little proud of  myself that I could shave my legs and not cut myself. 

I can't help but wonder, does he envy me and my stream of conscienceness?  Probably not.  He's got more important things to think about.  Just another reason why I love him so much.
joyceluvsjames joyceluvsjames
46-50, F
Nov 27, 2012