When Life Was So Planned Out

I am a young father. Thats quite a statement to a lot of people that means your a screw up or a dead beat. I myself only see her. My daughter is my world her smile when I get to see it lights even the darkest of days. Its easy to become a young father just mix togather a little bit of youth, carelessness and trust the latter two of the ingredients being so similar some may find it alarming. Sadly though as much trouble and pain the birth of my only child brings me. When people ask me if I would change it the anwser is NO. I see my daughter maybe 2-3 months a year if that. In a few days she will be approaching the age of four and I am not even sure if she fully recoginzes who I am. I am also afraid that daughters mothers boyfriend is taking my place in the world.  I am sure he is it would only make sense. Here is a perfectly fine small child who needs a father and hers is so far away why wouldn't he step in? LOL I have been fighting to be a father for YEARS and this guy waltzs right into the postion. It makes me sick to see that the perfect family that I had envisoned and destroyed is now forming without me. Biologically I am a Young Father. But I am a failure as a dad.
Destructoboy Destructoboy
22-25, M
9 Responses May 9, 2007

being a parent is tough at any age, especially if you are not in constant contact with your child/children. But you are there for her as much as you can be and that is alot more than many children of young fathers get.

There is no textbook you can study on how to be a parent, no right and wrong when it comes to the decisions parents have to make so the only way to be a failure as a parent is to not be there at all.

You are not a failure... I have a 4 year old and I just turned 24 I am not with her dad and I have had boyfriends but no one can ever take the place of a dad... The boyfriends know it she knows it and I know it that's how it should be. As long as you try to see her you are not a failure or a screw up or a dead beat... You try. A lot of young parents run away which is human nature but you haven't which makes you a good and brave dad and man... Never worry about someone replacing you... My dad I didn't see since I was 4 until I was 15 and he's still the goofball dad that I will always love and know as my dad. No one can replace him others like my grandpa are father like figures helping me grow and mold myself but they aren't my dad... my dad is the one who gave me life he gave me his eyes and mouth and his goofy sense of humor and absent mindlessness.... And I love him for it... Never forget it or give up cause that little girl will never forget or give up on you... Far from a dead beat...

it is a choice or preference of someone some people do have that wants and they fulfill it... but i think some are just maniac at an early age...

Your specific place can't be replaced. Sure there may be a man who she sees and may even call Daddy, but you are her Father. The only important thing is that she knows that you care, and that you are trying. Never stop trying to see her, fight with all your might. I have seen men in situations similar to yours, who just quit. That was the worst thing that they could've done. One man I know in particular, moved due to not seeing his daughter. He called her once in a while, but he has only seen her 2 times since she was nine. She is almost 17, and she doesn't want anything to do with him. He has moved back to the area, and since tried. Still nothing. I talk to her every now and then, and onced I asked why she doesn't wanna reconnect with him. She told me that she felt like he stopped loving her. She told me that she knew that her mother wouldn't let him see her, and that she made it impossible for them two to have a relationship. She just couldn't believe that he would accept defeat and give up on her. That's how she see's it.<br />
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I must say, as her aunt and and the man's sister, I see where they both coming from. He felt like he was doing her good by stopping the fighting she was being exposed to, and she just wanted to know that he loves her. <br />
Don't give up on your little angel. Write her letters that you can save and give to her. If she's turning 4 she should be starting shcool soon. Just send her your love.. :) <br />
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You and your little angel are in my prayers! <br />
Good Luck!

All I can say as a person that has been in your shoes, is to hang in there. You're her father, no matter who she sees everyday! <br />
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My advice, since you are in your 20's now, would be to try to move a little closer to her. I don't know if you are in college yet or not...but you could even apply for a college in her area. That way you could get your education and still she your daugher daily or atleast weekly. <br />
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hope this helps.

You sound like a great father. I was 15 when I had my first son and my girlfriend just gave birth to my other son today but sadly he was stillborn. Never give up and keep your head up for your kid and they love you just as much as you love them. Sorry to make this comment so short because I have so many more things that make you a good father but I got to go back into the hospital room and explain to my son that his baby brother is in Heaven :( . Anyone who reads this comment could you please pray for me and my family at thsi diffficult time

encourage you to never give up or stop caring as much as you do.

dont think that you are a failure because you are still a part of her life m8

Thank :D