End Of Deployment Issues

So my boyfriend and I have been dating about 2.5 years. We have always been long distance. We were best friends all through elementary school, he moved away, we met up at the end of senior year of high school and started dating. I went to college that fall and he left for basic the following February. We were last together the beginning of March 2012. He should be home from his 9 months over seas sometime in the upcoming month. We were both in a tough spot with our lives personally last spring we broke up for about a month right before he deployed. We then quickly realized we still wanted to be together so we started dating again. Things were better than ever. But then around the holidays recently he started becoming depressed. It got really bad and he didn't want to talk to anyone. Well, that got better but not for long. He is now basically sitting around over seas waiting to be told he gets to leave. We have had a few disagreements about when and where we will see each other for his month of leave he gets after his deployment because I still live 4 hours away from his immediate family and where all his hometown friends are. We worked out some of it. However the last week he has been so disconnected from everything and everyone back here in the states. To me it's difficult to get him to say more than two words in his responses back to me. He doesn't say 'i love you' anymore and he has no interest in anything. He is like that with his friends sometimes but then other times they get him to talk more. My friends at home say I shouldn't put up with how he treats me, and then one of our mutual friends basically doesn't have much hope because she expects the worst. I don't know if I should push him to deal with his feelings or whether I should just try to wait it out and give him some space. What I'm most worried about is that he will give up on our relationship before we even get to see each other and try to make things work. Anyone ever had to deal with something like this before??
LongDistance722010 LongDistance722010
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

I'm dealing with it too .. My boyfriend deployed not too long ago. He was on leave before he had to go and we were not getting along much when he was down here like we would when we were long distance. Now he's saying to just wait until he comes back for us to try and work things out .. Things aren't how they used to be and I'm not sure if its him trying to focus on his work or if it has to do with me. I'm also scared hell give up without giving it a chance when he comes back

I feel the same way. I don't know if it started to be like this because of one of the arguments we may have had or if something else happened and he is dealing with other issues. I am always not sure what to say because I don't want to make him mad when we are apart.. I don't want to give him a reason to give up on us before we have the chance to work things out when he gets back...

Yeah I literally just try to act like I'm completely normal and fine and have really simple conversations when in my head I have so many questions and things I want to say but I feel like its selfish to bring all of that up when they're in the position they're in .. And there's still nine months to go .. It's frustrating.

I am lucky I only have about a month and a half until he comes home. But that is basically all I do too... try to talk about normal every day things with nothing too dramatic even though all I wanna do is make plans and talk about the future and everything. Hard to do that when I only get a few words back to everything I say... just trying to be patient

I wonder if they're planning for the future at all ... I feel like he just goes day by day and I can't do that. I try ... But I guess I have to try harder. Since he got to Afghanistan yesterday we haven't talked and I think where he is there isn't wifi or anything so now reality is hitting me .. I don't even have the basic conversation.

I really doubt they plan for the future. I know I had that conversation with my bf while he was over there a few months back. Getting them to think about the future is like a foreign concept to them, they just try to survive each day. I'm a huge planner so that's hard for me but just gotta step back and try to understand what they go through. If he got there and isn't at one of the big bases he probably doesn't have internet.. for the majority of my bf's deployment we would talk (on the phone or mostly over facebook) for just 30 min a day only on the days he was able to hop on a computer.

Yeah you're totally right. and we haven't had any contact so I'm not okay ... We've never gone this long without talking and all the media news on Afghanistan freaks me out so much it's just a lot that's new to me. I'm going to write him soon cause I feel bad just sitting here waiting for him to contact me when he probably can't. But yeah they're different than other guys and I just need to remember they don't plan ahead like us.

Yeah it's tough at first, I never watched the news because I didn't want to know or worry more than I had to. I wrote him a couple times but mail is tough there, it takes forever. He wrote me once but I never got the letter... I guess my boyfriend got to come back to the states yesterday so I'm super happy about that but I never got any notice or haven't talked to him. I found out from his sister cuz he got to call his family. I'm kinda bummed cuz I can't get work off for a couple weeks and I still haven't heard anything from him. Idk if he has internet or not or if his phone is working yet or not...

It's such a constant mystery of what's going on. I spoke to him and he kind of ended it "until he comes back" and says he "just wants what's best for me" .. After crying and being really angry I'm just taking it for what it is. I spoke to him while he was at one base but he told me he was moving for the last time to the last base .. Since then we haven't spoken. I really don't know anymore all I know is there's still months ahead so I'm just going to try to be happy without him and if one day we're together again then it'll happen I guess. But I'm happy to hear your boyfriend got to come back, and even though you might not see him maybe things will fall into place now that he'll be back

It really is such a mystery. I think things are getting a little better. The way things are now it looks like we will be a little better off after we get to see each other. I'm sorry to hear about you guys that is really tough. If it's meant to be you guys will definitely work things out!

Yeah thank you. After I wrote you I got a call from him and he was saying he loves me so much and that he thinks about me all the time an all that. I know it's confusing since he kind of put our relationship on pause but I guess I'm seeing that he really does love me and wants what's best for me which might be not focusing on us for now. I'm really happy for you though It's going to be so great when you see him!! I hope you post a story so I know how it goes :)

I bet that was really good to hear from him! It sounds like you guys are very important to each other so I'm sure you will work out what is best for both of you! and it's still a month til I get to see him... I'm getting super anxious and excited!! I will definitely keep you updated!

Yay okay !!!! :D

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