Can Anyone Help Me?

 So I'm not quite a military wife YET. I'm 19 and he's 20, he wants to get married this June when he gets home from AIT in the 2 weeks that he is home before he gets stationed. But right now, I am living up to my family's expectations and going to Washington State University, part of the 4 year school plan that I was always expected to do. I know if my parents found out what we are planning on doing it would not be good news at all since my best friend just married my boyfriend's best friend who is a Marine and they thought that was ridiculous because of the age. I'm trying to secretly plan a wedding behind their backs but I'm planning on telling them when I'm home for Spring break in 2 weeks but I'm so scared because of my family being very conservative and traditional that they will not agree with my decision. I'm hoping he will get stationed at the base sort of close to him but his DS said it might not happen. Did anyone go through this? If you did can you please help me?!

HesMyArmyHero HesMyArmyHero
22-25, F
15 Responses Feb 22, 2009

So please tell me...happened?

OMG!! im going through the EXACT SAME thing kinda lol i didnt say yes to get married.. cuz i just turned 18 and my pplz would flip!! smh i dont want t dissappoint them and be alone through this all but i can keep saying no to him lol im runnin out of excuses. im a sophomore at UMES for now but he wants me to move with him... my biggest fear is that this will not end right because we got married to soon... anybody have any testimonies against that.. im in need of some bad!!

this is EXACTLY what i'm going through! he found out he's either going to Germany or Korea for 2 years. and they're both non deployable. and the 2 year issue makes you want to hurry up and get married .. cuz these past few months seem difficult.. but 2 years?? that's all i can think. we heard though that there's a time fr<x>ame between AIT & when he gets his orders that if you get married then you can live ON base.. and get all the benefits (as well as in those areas) .. but if it's after he gets his orders then the army doesn't recognize you as his dependent and won't cover the living costs until the 2 years are up and he get's new orders. i guess that's what he's being told.

I'm transferring from a university to a community college to hopefully get some sort of degree faster because I can't stand being away from him. We just found out a couple weeks ago that he is going to be stationed in Germany which is making it 100x harder and making me want to hurry up with school so I can go over there with him! Germany is so far away and I can't handle being away from him for 2 years only being able to see him a couple times considering tickets are $1000! He found out last week that the post where he is stationed is non deployable so he won't even be going to war for a couple years, which makes it a perfect time for us to get married sometime in the next 2 years. For sure if my parents were like ok go ahead we would be getting married in June before he leaves but it's not working out that way so it is just going to have to take time now. Unless you are someone in our position no one will ever understand what it is like for us and just wanting to be with our soldiers asap. The military just seems to speed everything up. I know with him being gone on the other side of the world is going to be hard as hell but I can't see myself with anyone else so it is a sacrifice I am going to have to take.

i'm going through this same dilemma. i'm stuck between a rock & a hard place.<br />
i'm at a community college in the same town i grew up in with my fiance. i hate it here. i'm not happy. we've known each other for a long time and have been friends.. but haven't be dating that long. i know it sounds crazy.. but when you meet that person. you know. end of story. <br />
i totally agree about college can be done anywhere. thats what i try to tell my mom everytime we talk about it. she just really wants me to be successful which is understandable. i'm 19.. he's 24. i'm more grown up than most. and i wouldn't hesitate a minute if my parents were okay with the idea. but my mom thinks it's "too soon" and i should "finish college" and "she's here for the deployment"... but it's different. she's there sure.. but she doesn't understand. she can't replace him. she can't make the pain go away. he'll be deployed for a solid 2 years. and i'll be left behind. i guess it's a decision we have to make on our own. it's a life time committment .. not only with him.. but with the army as well. if you're ready... then i guess it's time to jump<br />

I talked to my parents about the situation when I was home a couple weeks ago for Spring Break and we came up with a compromise. I'm going to move back closer to home from where I am going to school to try to finish my schooling faster. So we aren't going to get married this summer but the plan is after his first deployment so we're thinking summer 2011 but we're dealing with the military here so NOTHING is going to be set in stone. I'm going to get a new degree in elementary ed so I will be able to teach on base or the schools around it. I'm really excited and can't wait to start my new life!

i went through the same thing...my dad hated the idea. so we did a court house wedding my mother signed. my dad finally came around and accepted i am an adult and can make my own decisions. your parents will too. dont sneak it up on them tho. it will make it worse. if you do that they may not come to the wedding...tell them soon enough so they will have time to process it and it will give them time to come to there senses...good luck hope the best

Well heres what i think. When I was your age I was in a constant battle with myself about what i wanted to do verses what my parents wanted me to do. And ultimately its about what you want. cuz doin what everyone else expected me to do made me miserable. It doesnt matter how conservative you're family is they will have to respect your decision and they will love u no matter what. When I married my husband i was 20 yrs old in the army didnt finish college and went in a complete opposite direction of what my parents wanted. I knew my husband 6 months got pregnant, got married. There was not one person who wasn't against us. They told us we would never last, we were makin a big mistake, we were only getting married because of the baby, we couldn't possibly be in love in only 6 months. Well we are going on to year 11 and have made it to baby number 3 who is now 20 months old. Against all odds we made it happen. Cuz the only people inthe relationship are the two of you. You need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. If he is the man of your dreams you do what u have to do for you. Tell your parents, the worst they can do is tell u they hate the idea and dont support you but you know what it will drive u. drive u and your man even closer. So be confident with your decision and dont be scared. My husband is an MP also and weve spent a lot of his career apart but we are still kickin and screamin. I told them all to kiss my *** 11 yrs ago and i'll continue to tell them to kiss my *** until we grow old and die. I wish you the best. Do what makes your heart happy.

yes let me know how it goes!! and your soldier must have left only like a week or two after mine! My Fiance's MOS is MP!! he graduates on the 21st and i cant wait to fly to missouri to see him! i just hope the weather calms down and it isnt 27 degrees like it is now!! it was in the 70's the other day! the weather is so wierd there! ha

Thanks for your help! My soldier is at Fort Leonard Wood too until the beginning of June! What is his MOS? I'm planning on moving back around home next year and I've figured out that the easiest way for me to stay in school is to get married to do the internet schooling because I've tried to talk to schools and they are barely taking any of my credits, so I'm just getting so frustrated with that. I keep telling myself that this is my life and I want to do what I want but I keep worrying about what my parents are going to think or say, I've been freaking out about it for the last couple weeks. :( Thanks for your advice though! I'll let you know how it goes

Well this is what i have to say!<br />
Im 18 My fiance is 20 he is at fort leonardwood and will be home at the end of may he proposed before he left with my parents permission and we will be going to the courthouse and getting married there then next year having an actual wedding. being away from him has made us both realize that we dont want to spend another minute away from each other. Me being young my parents of course wanted me to finish college first but i told them college can be done anywhere! we just found out were going to germany but that wont stop me from getting my degree i will be doing school online. Life changes and people change if being with your soldier is more important then that school then i say be with your soldier! its your life not your parents and i bet even if they arent super excited about it at first in the end your their daughter and they will stand by you whatever you decide. I was scared when i told them we were going to do the courthouse at first becasue when josh left thats not what the plan was. But they understood and will be at the courthouse with us when we get married!! i cant wait!<br />
Good Luck to you and Your Soldier!<br />
and congratulations on your engagement! im sure whatever is ment to happen will happen! Dont stress too much it will all be ok!

wow are stories are very similar! I told my mom today that there was something I needed to talk to her about when I was home and the first thing she asked me was if I was pregnant lol So I think it was a relief to her when I said I wasn't. Even telling her that I needed to talk to her was making me feel sick so I can't even imagine what actually talking to her is going to be like. I want to ask more for their support in the decision than anything. His mom said that if getting married and moving on with our relationship is what we both wanted than she is okay with that. I'm starting to get up the courage to actually sit down and talk to them about the situation, I am trying to be strong. If my parents were to say no I think my boyfriend would honestly go crazy, I don't think he has wanted anything more than this in his life. I got to talk to him today for about 10 minutes and in every single letter he talks about getting married. It's kind of freaking me out just because it is coming more of a reality but it is what I want too. I guess when he starts his AIT he will get to use the internet so he will be able to help in the planning. I think going to school full time and trying to plan a wedding might not be the easiest thing to do. We'll see how it goes! How are you doing with the whole ordeal? What base is your boyfriend at right now?

darlin. iam sorta doing this is a way too! iam kinda young also and trying to live up to my fathers expectations its really difficult. and my miltary man wants to get married next june haha. i understand what your saying but i think me and u need to become strong and tell them that no matter that we are young we can make our own decisions and that we are in love. yano? stay strong darlin and tell me everything =]

Thanks for the advice! Yeah my boyfriend thinks it will be about 6 months from when he gets home at the beginning of June before he gets deployed but only have 2 weeks between him coming home from AIT before he gets stationed and that when he wants to get married. I'm just finishing my sophomore year here so I should have my AA soon but I hate it at WSU so I'm planning on leaving anyways. My friend that married the Marine didn't move in with him for about 2 months because they didn't get a house right away but she's with him now. Did you tell your parents? It is what I really want and what he wants too! If it didn't happen I would plan on finishing school online.

I haven't gone through it yet, but I'm about to. We're both 19. My boyfriend is at SOI and has about a month and a half left, he'll be home for 30 days. He thinks he'll get deployed sometime around November and wants to get married before it. My family is also very conservative, but it's what I want.. I go to a community college working on my AA, still living with my parents and I think that I would either stay here and finish my AA or move in with him and live on base. If you're locked in to finishing at WSU, you would just have the trust issue like always, but I don't think that should hold you back. If you love him and want to marry him, talk to your parents about it. Did your friend that just got married to a marine move in with him or is she living at home? The only thing that would change from where you're at now and where you would be if you got married would be your title. Your parents would understand. Just make sure it's what you really want and don't keep it a secret! Talk openly with them and discuss all your options! Good luck!!