My Nightmare

I woke up Aug. 19th to a nightmare that will never end. I woke up to the sound of my husband and best friend struggling to breathe. I believe he wasnt there anymore. He was taken to the ER where they attempted for an hour and half to do CPR. They did finally get him stable enough to take him to the CCU, where he coded multiple times. He passed away at 1:35pm. Since then has been awful. The situation its left me in sucks and I am angry and frustrated. I feel NO ONE understands. I've been to "young widow" websites, but they all have kids and are older and feel they can't understand what I go through. Really I've given up.
0ug54fo0h0 0ug54fo0h0
3 Responses Sep 29, 2010

Please dont give up. I am 29 and just lost my fiancee 15 days ago. We were to be married 2 days after he passed. I too feel angry, sad, and lost. I have a son from a previous marriage that he accepted as his own. I dont know how to start my "new life". I dont like my new life. I just bought a bunch of spirtual books about the other side. I have never been a religious or spiritual person but since he passed I am trying to become spiritual. The books are helping somewhat and I am also going to see a spiritual grief medium soon.

i agree with you. even though we are all living a nightmare and experiencing tremendous grief and loss, i find it difficult to relate to those who have children. by no means am i down-playing anyone's emotions bc this truly is a nightmare for all of us...<br />
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my boyfriend who i lived, worked, traveled, everything with, literally did everything with, died in july. we didnt necessarily believe in marriage and no kids. i have trouble fully relating to someone who has had a 20+ year relationship and has kids. <br />
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a girl started a thread on a different website that i have been writing on. you may find something that is helpful there. i re-read what was in there throughout the day. its nice to see what words actually come out. i know neither of us were married, but we have significant long-term relationships that ended abruptly. <br />
here it is: <br />

Don't give up. Whether or not you have kids doesn't change the pain you are going through. I have kids... and yet I felt so distant from them while I grieved. I almost felt as though they were not there at all. <br />
Despite having children we all know how you are feeling. The anger and frustration and the physical pain.......Not knowing who you are or what you're doing. Whether or not you can even live through it yourself.......we know... give us a chance