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I Am a Young Widow

My Soul Mate Left Me

By: kristi1300
Written on August 17th, 2012
I don't understand what happened. We had our whole lives ahead of us...we were going to start having kids towards the end of the year when I finish nursing school. He wanted to go back to school once I became a nurse. I thought we were happy. I thought he loved and adored me. He had big jobs he was starting at the end of the week and was going to make good money. This doesn't make any sense. My life ended July 24, 2012 and now I have to figure out how to start a brand new one. I don't know how I am going to push through. This is so hard and painful I just don't know what to do. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Life is never going to be the same without him. I feel like there is a dark hole where my heart used to be. I am so angry and hurt I just don't know how to handle it. People say the worst things..."you are so young, smart, and beautiful; you will find another husband"... I DONT WANT ANOTHER HUSBAND!!! I miss him beyond words can describe. People say this will get easier...when? I don't think anyone truly can grasp the amount of intense pain and suffering other than those who have experienced such a loss. I need help and I don't know where to turn. I love him so much it hurts and everything reminds me of him. There are places I cannot dare go to and face....restaraunts, going on the boat, going to that area where his body was found which happens to be a block away from my Dad's place. I can't even go to my dad's place bc my husband's truck is now parked outside. I couldn't even go over there for my dad's birthday dinner. They say this will get easier, but when??? When will I feel even an ounce of peace?
By: kristi1300
Age: 26-30 , Female
659 people have read this story

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6 responses
  • lucky505
    lucky505

    Exactly how I feel. I hate it when people tell me that i am young and beautiful and have so much going for myself. my husband was the one and why should i ever lower myself and have another man in my life? I won´t. i made a commitment and i will stick to it. I know exactly what you are going through and the pain. I am writing my own blog: anjabednarek.blogspot.com and maybe some of the post will help you ease the pain for a moment, it won´t go away but at least it can distract you somewhat. all the best!!! xx p.s. i am currently reading journey of souls by michael newton, p.h. D and it kind of helps me understand why

    Apr 16
    1 like
  • Ca7489
    Ca7489

    I can relate 100 percent! People try to encourage you to "start a new life" and tell you "it will get better" "your young and pretty and have so much life ahead of you" and I know how infuriating that is! It's like how can you tell me that??? I was supposed to have the life I was living before I lost my partner!! And don't tell me that I'm young and have soo much life ahead of me! Because clearly we never really know that!! I can't tell you how to live now, because I feel this way every single day. But it is good to know that we are not the only ones..

    Sep 30, 2012
    1 like
  • gary2012
    gary2012

    I feel every ounce of your pain my partner of 14 yrs + left me and my daughter 5TH AUG . keep in touch . xxxxx

    Sep 1, 2012
    1 like
  • cmama
    cmama

    I lost the love of my life July 23rd 2012. I just want to acknowledge your pain. That's all I have the strength to say now. You have a right to all you feel.

    Aug 27, 2012
    1 like
  • kristi1300
    kristi1300

    Thank you so much. I just wish I could have took all his pain away or that he would have just let go of his family. He had his own family and we were about to start having kids. Not to mention my father treated him like his own son. I just wish I could have done something more. I feel like I added to his pressure and I wish I could take it all back.

    Aug 17, 2012
    2 likes
  • Idonwannadie
    Idonwannadie

    He did love and adore you, never doubt that. Please, never doubt that. Be angry, you have every right to be that.



    I know both sides of suicide, and I know how much it hurts what he did, but also how much he was hurt. You did not fail him. From what I read at the answers at your question, he was failed in big way his family.



    It never makes sense for anyone but your husband. It is something that can not be explained, but he was in great hurt, and in place which is very dark, of that I am sure.



    He did not mean to hurt you. He really did not.



    There is no way I can console you, for that I am sorry.

    You are in counselling, that is good, but you can alway message me, I will listen.



    It takes time. It is only three weeks ago. Everything is fresh, your hurt and anger are fresh. It needs time. I do not know how long, but you will find peace.



    I really am so sorry, my heart goes out to you.

    Aug 17, 2012
    3 likes