My Soul Mate Left Me

I don't understand what happened. We had our whole lives ahead of us...we were going to start having kids towards the end of the year when I finish nursing school. He wanted to go back to school once I became a nurse. I thought we were happy. I thought he loved and adored me. He had big jobs he was starting at the end of the week and was going to make good money. This doesn't make any sense. My life ended July 24, 2012 and now I have to figure out how to start a brand new one. I don't know how I am going to push through. This is so hard and painful I just don't know what to do. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Life is never going to be the same without him. I feel like there is a dark hole where my heart used to be. I am so angry and hurt I just don't know how to handle it. People say the worst things..."you are so young, smart, and beautiful; you will find another husband"... I DONT WANT ANOTHER HUSBAND!!! I miss him beyond words can describe. People say this will get easier...when? I don't think anyone truly can grasp the amount of intense pain and suffering other than those who have experienced such a loss. I need help and I don't know where to turn. I love him so much it hurts and everything reminds me of him. There are places I cannot dare go to and face....restaraunts, going on the boat, going to that area where his body was found which happens to be a block away from my Dad's place. I can't even go to my dad's place bc my husband's truck is now parked outside. I couldn't even go over there for my dad's birthday dinner. They say this will get easier, but when??? When will I feel even an ounce of peace?
kristi1300 kristi1300
26-30, F
7 Responses Aug 17, 2012

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. And sadly, I can relate all too well. I lost my husband 4yrs ago. I can say now, honestly, that it does get easier. But, it has been a very difficult and painful process for me. Our daughter was nearly 3 1/2 when my husband committed suicide. It was a tragic experience. Looking back, I am not really sure how I got through that first year. Now, I am finally able to hold our memories a bit longer without having to numb out after a few seconds of thinking of him/our lives together. You will feel peace, be patient and kind to yourself. It will come in it's own time.

Exactly how I feel. I hate it when people tell me that i am young and beautiful and have so much going for myself. my husband was the one and why should i ever lower myself and have another man in my life? I won´t. i made a commitment and i will stick to it. I know exactly what you are going through and the pain. I am writing my own blog: and maybe some of the post will help you ease the pain for a moment, it won´t go away but at least it can distract you somewhat. all the best!!! xx p.s. i am currently reading journey of souls by michael newton, p.h. D and it kind of helps me understand why

I can relate 100 percent! People try to encourage you to "start a new life" and tell you "it will get better" "your young and pretty and have so much life ahead of you" and I know how infuriating that is! It's like how can you tell me that??? I was supposed to have the life I was living before I lost my partner!! And don't tell me that I'm young and have soo much life ahead of me! Because clearly we never really know that!! I can't tell you how to live now, because I feel this way every single day. But it is good to know that we are not the only ones..

I feel every ounce of your pain my partner of 14 yrs + left me and my daughter 5TH AUG . keep in touch . xxxxx

I lost the love of my life July 23rd 2012. I just want to acknowledge your pain. That's all I have the strength to say now. You have a right to all you feel.

Thank you so much. I just wish I could have took all his pain away or that he would have just let go of his family. He had his own family and we were about to start having kids. Not to mention my father treated him like his own son. I just wish I could have done something more. I feel like I added to his pressure and I wish I could take it all back.

He did love and adore you, never doubt that. Please, never doubt that. Be angry, you have every right to be that.<br />
<br />
I know both sides of suicide, and I know how much it hurts what he did, but also how much he was hurt. You did not fail him. From what I read at the answers at your question, he was failed in big way his family. <br />
<br />
It never makes sense for anyone but your husband. It is something that can not be explained, but he was in great hurt, and in place which is very dark, of that I am sure. <br />
<br />
He did not mean to hurt you. He really did not. <br />
<br />
There is no way I can console you, for that I am sorry. <br />
You are in counselling, that is good, but you can alway message me, I will listen.<br />
<br />
It takes time. It is only three weeks ago. Everything is fresh, your hurt and anger are fresh. It needs time. I do not know how long, but you will find peace. <br />
<br />
I really am so sorry, my heart goes out to you.