Missing My Bestfriend

I am 23 years old and I lost my husband on June 16th 2012. We were both on dirt bikes and the one i was on ran out of gas so he was going to head back for a gas can, he kissed me and told me he loved me he would be rite back. There was a car coming down the road so he moved over to avoid them and when he did he hit some lose gravel and lost control of the bike and hit a brick mail box. That was the last time i saw his beautiful smile. We met 6 years ago and were best friends for 4 years before we got married on February 25th 2011! He was my everything, my whole world. My whole life iv had friends and people let me down, when i really needed them they were never there but I could always count on my baby, he made sure not a single moment went by without letting me know just how much he loved me.. He was so special and what we had was the most wonderful thing in the world, IT WAS REAL and unfortunatly that is hard to find now days... I have a wonderful family that has been here for me but i just feel like they dont understand what i am going through, the pain i feel, the emptiness in my heart and there is a part of me that doesnt want them to because i do not want them to worry about me. I feel so lost without him, i get up every day and go to work but everything outside of that is just total caos, every morning i have to wake up and he is not there it kills me, from the day we started living together there was not a single morning he didnt kiss me on my forehead and tell me how beautiful i was and every night i have to lay in bed and he is not there for me to snuggle up to ugh i hate it and i get tired of people telling me youll find love like that again bc they just dont get it, i planned the rest of my life with him and no one could ever replace him. I just feel like a total crazy woman sometimes bc im just on this rollercoaster of emotions and i just want him back so much... People say time heals but it seems like the more time that passes the harder it is, it just gets easier to control my emotions but the pain hurts more now than the night it happened... Can anyone relate or am i really losing my mind?
MALBWL MALBWL
22-25
2 Responses Sep 7, 2012

I can totally relate, I began thinking I was loosing my mind.
But reading how you felt, I know your notcrazy, unless we're all crazy together.
I'm 18 and losy my husband 4-11-12.
We have a 9 month old..
I understand your pain

your not crazy!! I lost my fiance on July 23, he was 25. Im 21. We were madly in love. I've never loved anyone as much, or felt love from another person the way I felt for him. He understood me completely. He really was my best friend and my whole world. I totally understand morning not only your husband, best friend, but also your future!! i cry sometimes just thinking about the babies I ll never have with him, the home we were making together, all our trips and plans that will never be. People have tried to tell me, oh your young, you ll find someone else someday. I want ot scream at them and tell them I could never love or be loved like that again. Its the truth. Its depressing, but true, and very few people understand. I feel blessed to have had my man for the short time I did. I know i experienced a love like few will ever know. Im only 21, and i feel like Ive lived a life time!! The love I felt! I wont ever regret it. The pain is like a roller coaster, up and down, and random. There really are NO words, except, I understand, and Im sorry.
your not crazy, your heart broken.