Pregnant Widow

On September 14 2012, my fiance passed away from multiple organ failure and brain damage due to dying for 20 min. He was 28 years old and a professional Breaker/B BOY( break dancer). He traveled to colleges as well as opened his own studio and loved teaching kids. It was his passion and he lived it everyday.
We met 4 years ago when he was teaching my youngest son. When I got divorced 1 year later we decided to start hanging out more and then on Feb 24th we started dating. We had so much in common and he treated me like I was an angel sent from God. We fell so deep in love that when we slept we would hold each other so tight that we never wanted to let go. It was the truest Love I've ever felt and it continued as we grew together. We decided to move to his hometown to start an inner city community center. I was not the happiest about the move because of the fact we had to live with his mother until we got back on our feet financially. But I knew we had to do what we had to for our future. I was 3 1/2 mo pregnant with his first child and excited and scared for what lied ahead. When he was a teen he got heavy into drugs but the b boy community changed him. So that is what we wanted to be able to accomplish with the kids who roamed the street as well as heading in the wrong direction. He won the Best Business Idea Contest that got us a grant for the CC and had multiple meetings with the city counsel and also had sponsors excited about our mission. We started looking for a home church as we are both Christians and wanted God to be the center of our new Journey.We were in town for 5 weeks and we were having a hard time adjusting to living with his mother that brought us both down. So one evening he decided to go hang out with his friends which he invited me cause he always wanted to be around me which I loved but I was tired and cranky so I told him to just go out. Well he decided to go hang out and ran into an old friend that was a bad influence and because hes been so down lately ( I later found out ) that he would take some liquid methadone. He came home around 11 pm and seemed to be extremely drunk which he was but also drugged he begged me to come hang out with him and a friend and so I did. He loved on me with kisses and sweet words and then I told him to drink some water and go to sleep cause he was passing out . So he did I stayed up for an hour more chatting with his mother and then headed to bed. I woke up the next morning and he was not moving and I noticed his fingers were purple so I called 911 and when they arrived then yelled cardiac arrest and started CPR which continued for 20 min while I pace and scream,cry and pray. He then started breathing and he was air lifted to a hospital 1 hour away. When I arrived at the hospital with his mother and sister we asked how he was and they told us he would die. I was hysterical and would not believe it ( I was 5 mon pregnant). the doctors did test after test and still gave no hope but I wouldn't believe them. I was believing for a miracle well 3 days later his organs started improving by 50% and he was breathing 60% on his own. I kept believing and would not leave his side for a moment. His family on the other hand didn't have faith like me and decided to pull the plug after 5 days in the hospital without consulting me because as his mother said I was not legally his wife yet and didn't have legal right. I'm devastated to say the least!!!!!
One month and 4 days later his mother 54 years old dies in her sleep due to diabetic issues.( or a regretful and broken heart).
I moved back to my home town an hour and a half away to be closer to family and friends. Since then I have had to get a job as a waitress, get an apartment, and support myself financially and mentally.
I am 8 months pregnant now and have been denied medicaid 3 times and any financial assistance.I have sever pelvic pain due to the tendons in my pelvic ripping too early and now my doctor called me to tell me that I might have gestational diabetes.
I am more then depressed and so utterly alone I wish my love could be here to hold me and tell me he's got this and to leave it up to him.
I want to just give up but I cant I have our seed in me that will be a blessing.
and I know I have to be strong but without him I don't want to. I just want him back. So many of our friends still have there spouses and can move on but I can't and no one will ever really know how I feel. Thanks for listening
Lizsunmi Lizsunmi
31-35, F
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

I am sorry to hear your story. I hope you are doing better today two years after the tragedy struck.