One day things will get better, one day I will fall asleep and wake up carefree, happy - but not today, today well people told me to expect things to crash down - well I wanted to prove them wrong but cant, this morning getting the tribe ready for school all I had in my head was the last time I was here sorting packed lunches and 5 different types of breakfast things were 'normal' this morning was hell...I didnt want to let my babies go but they wanted to go in - normality for them!! Its so hard..cant put it into words...things just wont be the same again, the house is so quiet, i have spent the morning whizzing here,there and everywhere..all i could stand, people are driving me mad..everyone knows who i am, small place...i just want to throw my hands in the air and say **** in, who cares anyway? he didnt!! he couldn't have!!!