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Can't Believe He's Not Here...

I'm 32... I met my husband about 2 years ago where we both worked. We immediately had a connection, but I was hesitant because I was already in a relationship... I left that job and went to work somewhere else. About a year and a half ago, we re-connected... I was still in the other relationship, but my husband and I became great friends... When my other relationship was on the rocks, he was there for me to confide in, and when the relationship ended, he was there for me too... Our friendship grew into a very loving relationship and within 6 months we were engaged and then four months later we eloped. We were planning a wedding for all of our friends and family May 25, 2013. We didn't tell very many that we had eloped... We had a beautiful marriage... My husband was an RN and was working night shift... I dropped him off at work on Christmas night, at 4 am I got the phone call that would change everything... It was his sister saying he had been found unconscious in the bathroom and was being take. To the hospital... When I got to the hospital, I learned how bad things really were. When he was found, he had no pulse and was not breathing... No one knew for sure how long he had been down... He had been revived and placed on a ventilator... He had 4 more heart attacks in the next 36 hours, being revived each time... They couldn't figure out what made his heart stop the first time and why it kept stopping. EEG was done and confirmed all of our fears... He was completely brain dead... We requested another opinion And a neurologist confirmed the EEG results with his exam... He was inly being kept alive by the ventilator and medications. We made the difficult decision to take him off life support and let him be with God. The decision I had to make to remove life support was the hardest decision I'll ever have to make. I kept saying "I'm only 32! I shouldn't have to decide these kinds of things!" And "I'm supposed to be planning a wedding, not a funeral!" My husbands family was all very supportive of me during that time and continues to be supportive. My husband passed on 12/30/12... Just over 2 weeks after his 32nd birthday and a few days short of our 4 month anniversary... I can't believe he's not here anymore... I know he's my angel in heaven now, looking down at me, but I want to see his smile, hear his laugh, feel his warm embrace and the kiss of his lips... I miss my husband greatly... A part of me went with him too... Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, I do t know how to be strong anymore... I keep hearing it'll get better with time... Can I just fast forward to the time it's better??? I have days where I can think of him and not cry every time, then there's days like today that I cry most of the day... I know it's only been 2 weeks, but I want to smile when I think of him and remember the good times we had... I don't want to cry anymore.
Joloveskriss Joloveskriss 31-35 Jan 13, 2013

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