WIdow At 30 With 3 Children

Hello everyone, I'm hoping to share my story and grief with young widows. I lost my husband on 1/19/09 to suicide. At first I was angry and confused and it later turned into guilt to later sadness. I feel like I'm going crazy because ALL i think about is HIM and how much I miss him. We were having marrital problems but NEVER did I think he would do this to our babies. THey were his life, our life. WHy would he do this to them, knowing what he went through when his brother commited suicide. Our son is the same age as HE was when his brother took his own life. My love of 15 years decided to take his own life the same way his brother did by jumping in front of an Amtrak train. Why would he put his mother through this again??? WHY WHY WHY??? The moments play in my head over and over. I have started therapy along with my children ages 10, 6 and 1.

Anyone else loose a husband to suicide? I'm sure I'll have more to say but i didn't want to write a book.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

roth429 roth429
26-30, F
10 Responses Feb 8, 2009

May as well write a book about it and make it a best seller...the book will help anyone who has been through this kind of grief...May God Go With You! There is Peace in all of this: its called LETTING GO! Your husband was a selfish man but he is coming back again if you believe in Spiritualism! MAY GO BE WITH YOU AS YOU GO WITH GOD! Your children as well...

I too lost my husband to suicide, the 1st anniversary of his death is coming soon, we were fixing to celebrate 1 year of marriage, we had been a couple for 5 and friends for more than 20, I miss him so much. I am sorry for your loss and sadly understand the feelings, I too have God in my life which is my strength and our children who need me. Take care and God Bless

im 26、and i loss my husband to suicide 1 month ago. im now alone doing the responsibility to our daughters (2yrs old and 3mos old) i cant even imagine why he did such thing when he knows what it feels losing a loved one to suicide coz his father commited suicide when he was 20yo. im now feeling alone and i dont know if i can move on

I just lost my husband to suicide late last year. I have two children under the age of six. We were having marital problems, but I wanted to work through our problems. He shot himself. And, I think I'm still in shock. I have God in my life which is the only way that I am making it through each day. Being a mother is such a gift and has to be taken seriously. I refuse to create the experience where my children lose two parents, one physically and one emotionally. It is painful. Once my children are in bed, I reflect on what I could have done differently. And then I remember that God is in control. I thank the other warrior mothers for sharing their stories. I am surprised to read that I am not alone in this experience. God Bless.

As im reading your story my eyes are filling up with tears, and can't believe the similarities. I lost my husband back in 8/10 and just like you we were having problems and even separated for various reasons, but just like you his brother took his life on May 2009, needless to say they were inseparable and best friend more than anything. We have 2 beautiful baby girls who where his life, he was so happy with them and he used to tell me that my oldest daughter was his "savior" I made him promise that he will never do that to me, my daughters and his family. Especially knowing the raw pain and devastion that it brings to a family. He promised he wouldn't. I feel incredibly guilty because he called me 3 times that night and txtd me throughout the day but I was upset with him becuase of other issues. The last text read " give my girls all my love, I love you. Thank you" this was @8:46 pm I saw it at 9:06pm. it was already too late, he had laid in the rail road tracks by 9:01pm!! This is the first man I can honestly say I trutly loved, we moved in together frist, then 3 years later got married, had the time of our lives. I loved him so much....like we used to say "I feel your pain" if you're not ok, neither will I" I did anything and everything I could to help him thru the loss of his brother but he was too destroyed by it. I am completely heart-broken and the incredible emptyness that I feel in my heart will not be filled, HE IS NOT HERE. My partner, my man, my best friend. God do I miss him. but I will not judge him, i do not know what is like to be on his shoes, although I do have a pretty good idea by now. My girls remaind me of him everyday in many little things, and for that I am eternally grateful to God. <br />
I understand where you are going thru and is not easy to deal with the loss especially if is suicide. We have children who depend on us, and even tho we might have to wipe our tears right before bringing them diner, we are doing it. I was told to say at night right before to bed " I love you, and I'll see you in my dreams tonight" so we have a little date, even in our dreams.<br />
May God give you the strenght you need, and help you heal your heart.<br />
Much love from someone who knows and is walking your path!<br />

I'm glad to hear that you aren't turning your back on God. Then as I had said before it is probably the frustration and grief he never got help with from when his brother committed suicide. His family should probably really look into getting counseling as well because being told to forget it happened doesn't work and its not helpful words by any means because you are never going to forget something horrible like that has happened.

No need to apologize but thank you for doing it just in case. No he never got any counseling and neither did his family. They were all told to "forget it happened"<br />
Its amazing that they kept saying his brothers name instead of my husband's the whole week before the funeral as if they were sent back in time. <br />
<br />
Church is definitely helping as i'm a catholic. At first i wanted to turn my back to God and i have come to the realization that He has a plan for everyone wether we agree or disagree and we just have to trust his judgement

I am sorry for your loss. I am also a recent widow. My husband passed shortly before yours did but we didn't have any children. I'm glad you are getting counseling. I hope I'm not out of place in saying what I am about to say but if I am I apologize and just let me know. I don't know if your husband was getting counseling from when his brother committed suicide or not but I think he was in ways was still trying to deal with that. I don't think it had anything to do with your marriage problems, I really don't. I also don't know if you go to church or not but it might help find a church that you are comfortable with going to and start seeking God if you aren't. God with help you through this as well as friends, family and counseling. Cry if you need to. Yell if you need to. Punch a pillow if you need to. Just don't get closed off. I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you for taking the time to post for me. I'm glad to know you're doing ok and hope i can do the same

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad to know you're receiving counseling for you and your children. No one should have to go through this alone. I was a young widow too but not due to suicide. Mine was due to 2 horrible years of leukemia. Today, I have a wonderful loving husband and 3 beautiful, loving step sons to go with him. Not all is lost and in time you will be able to pick up the pieces and go on with your life. I wish you all the best life has to offer.