I Am Too Young to Be a Widow

What is it like to lose your BEST FRIEND, your SOUL MATE, your EVERYTHING? Your world just comes crashing down,you lose your life,you lose everything that EVER MATTERED to you. My husband was only 36.I am 35.It took me 30 years to find him, and I thought my life FINALLY had meaning. My life finally had what I was searching my WHOLE LIFE for. We had a life together that people only DREAMED of. People would look at us,and say how PERFECT we looked together.People used to say, when they thought of TRUE LOVE,they just pictured the relationship my husband and I had. People used to tell us that looking at us, they knew that TRUE LOVE SOUL MATES really DO exist. All they had to do was look at me and my husband. It was like we were a GREETING CARD for Hallmark for TRUE LOVE SOUL MATES.Our lives were `complete`.

My Husband and I would argue about who loved eachother more.We NEVER argued.We never fought.We never disagreed.We never even raised our voices at eachother. We used to finish eachothers sentences.We knew what the other was thinking before we opened our mouths to say anything.For 5 YEARS!.Some people found that unbelievable, but its true.We KNEW we were SOUL MATES.We would text message eachother, telling eachother how much we missed one another,and couldnt wait to get home.

It was like a day like any other.TIL THAT NIGHT. That night,....changed my life FOREVER. My husband had a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK, right in front of my eyes. I didnt know what was happening,and didnt know what to do.I KNEW CPR but wasnt able to do it, I didnt know he was DYING.I didnt know what was happening. He didnt talk to me, he didnt answer me, he didnt breathe. But I didnt see it, I thought he was going to be OK.I called 911,and thought when the Paramedics got there,they would FIX HIM.That everything was going to be OK. BUT IT WASNT. They couldnt fix him,they couldnt revive him,they couldnt save him.                                             My life ended that night.I lost my best friend,my soulmate,my everything.I live with the GUILT.I will FOREVER.       Why HIM? Why US?

LibertyBell LibertyBell
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 24, 2009

Hi Libertybell,<br />
<br />
I am still in tears from reading your beautiful email about you and your husband. I truly cannot believe how much everything you said is EXACTLY what my Husband Roger and I said, did and felt. He was taken from us by a crule and uncaring doctor, who deliberately draind Roger's lung too fast. My life ended then too and I still can't believe we took him to that hospital to begin with. We should have taken him somewhere else, but we didn't know where to go. We had already exhausted all of the experts in our area, who had no clue how to treat Roger.<br />
<br />
I really hope you'll write back to me, because it's totally amazing to me how much you and your Husband are like me and my Husband of 36 wonderful, amazing, miraculous years.<br />
<br />
Hugs & Blessings,<br />

I'm very sorry about your loss. You write very beautifully and movingly about your husband, and you clearly had a very special relationship. I hope you eventually find peace and strength and solace.