8 Months

On Jan 9, 2009 I woke up around 0620 hrs to find my husband, Scott, deceased in bed next to me.  He was 32 and I'm only 28.  We had only been married a short 8 months...  I worked the day/evening before, getting home after 2100 hrs, by the time I got home Scott was pretty tired.  He didn't get much sleep the night before and had training for work the next day, he was a Deputy Sheriff.  I told him to go to bed, but he wanted to make sure that he didn't go to bed too early so he could sleep.  I think he finally went to bed shortly after 2200 hrs.  I stayed up watching tv and reading a book.  Scott was a snorer and I could hear him snooring down the hallway, he also had mild sleep apnea, so later when I heard him do a little gasp for air I thought it was the sleep apnea.  I went in the room and woke him up to make sure he was ok, he was.  I finally came to bed around 0030 hrs, Friday morning and continued to read in bed.  Scott continued the weird breathing and then started coughing.  I woke him up again this time thinking it was acid reflux.  I told him to go take a pill for it and then grab an extra pillow so he could sleep easier, he did.  I finally turned the light off about 0130.  Like I said Scott snored, but once I was asleep I didn't usually hear him.  I woke up about 0620 Friday morning, because for some reason I woke up because I didn't hear him.  I rolled over to make sure he was still there and he was.  His arms were cold, but I just figured it was because they were out of the covers.  I shook him, but he didn't move, alarmed I jumped out of bed and turned the light on.  I then did the sternum rub on him and that didn't work.  I also noticed that there was some fluid, possibly mucus that had come out of his mouth and was on the pillow.  I started to panic and called 9-1-1, they talked me through CPR but it was all too late.  I'm so devastated over the loss of my best friend and husband, I often don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of my life.  I didn't have a cause of death for a few weeks because the initial autopsy came back inconclusive.  I finally found out that he died from a lethal combination of prescription drugs that were prescribed to him 2 days before his death that shouldn't really be taken together. 

Scott was the most wonderful person I've ever met.  I didn't even get 3 yrs w/ him.  He was my soul mate and best friend.  I knew from the beginning he was the guy I was going to marry.  He had so much passion for life.  He brought me closer to God and to him if that was even possible.  He was a Deputy and he loved what he did and tried to be the best cop he could be.  After his death I received a letter from a felon who said he looked up to Scott and considered Scott to be a friend.  I knew he was amazing, I just didn't know others knew that too! 

Now I'm stuck and I don't know how to get out.  I try living each day one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, but things just sneek up on you... I get mad when I see other girls pregnant, especially the teenage and/or the unplanned pre-marital pregnancies, because that's what Scott and I wanted most.  The day before Scott passed away I went to the OB/GYN to see about clomid, I was approved and had an apt for February.  I'm saddened that I won't get to share that w/ Scott.  Scott has 4 neices and 2 nephews that he left behind.  He always told me he wanted to be the favorite Uncle, I'm pretty sure he was!  He was the best!

krisrog krisrog
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 2, 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 35 years old, my husband Mark passed away on September 1st 2008, 1 month before my 35th birthday and 1 month before his 34th birthday. We have been together since January 1995 and married just 2 years ago on February 24th 2007--15 years together.He passed away of cardiac arrest due to a mixture of prescription medication that should have never been taken together. Like you I woke up on the morning of August 13th 2008 to find him breathing in very quick breaths, Mark also snored very heavily for years so i just thought it was his snoring. About 5 minutes went by and I didn`t hear any breathing or snoring at all and his face became blue. I panicked, called 911 and they too walked me through CPR as I screamed and cried and rolled him onto the floor as per their instruction. They rushed him to the hospital where he was pronounced brain dead and put him on life support. He was on Life Support for 3 weeks and then on September 1st he left my life. I am lost without him and just go to sleep at night hoping that i close my eyes and can just be where he is. I am incomplete and numb and devastated and feel nothing and dont want to live anymore without him. I need help and dont know how or I really want to get it. I am also dealing with Cancer, I was diagnosed 1 month after my husbands death. I just don`t want to go on with out him. He was my life!!

Hugs to you! I am a young widow. I lost my husband on nov 20th, 2008. He left me and our child behind. Its so hard to move on. You really dont know how too. The shock part is what gets hard and the what if.