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I'm A Sexual Sadist. Ask Me Anything

My libido makes me desire to harm people.  It's difficult to understand unless you're sadistic yourself.  It's the pain of others, be it physical or mental, that I L-O-V-E, but it is 1000x better when I am the cause of it!  I love causing fear, crying, screaming, pure unholy terror of the worst kind.  Nonconsensual is much more appealing to my lust yet consensual appeals more to my love/sweet/whatever-it-is-called-feeling.  The type of love that I give is strange and not everyone understands it.  It is not for everyone.  I thought I should offer everyone a chance to learn more about it.

Nope, I don't harm innocent people, unless they enrage me.  I reserve the right to answer a question if I have good reason.
MeisterWolf MeisterWolf 18-21, M 28 Responses Nov 5, 2010

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I'm curious about sadists and how they love. Do you feel more inclined to hurt the ones you love the most or is hurting them maybe how you express your love? Do sadists typically feel love towards their masochists?

Depends on the sadist. I imagine murder in my head... I don't do that in real life. In real life I need love, I have empathy, I show affection, hugs aren't a crime. I could enjoy hurting somebody that I don't find attractive, yet I might feel sick after it. It's much more enjoyable to hurt a person that's hot, their reactions are awesome. It's all the better if they're a masochist and you know this is what they need and enjoy. While it's good fun to refer to people as chewtoys and equate them to maintaining your car, I don't feel that way inside. It used to be difficult to admit such 'weakness' openly. I learned that it is a strength. I don't think I knew that when I first wrote the story.

Do people typically feel love towards the partners they have sex with? It's like that. I would argue that most sadists do feel love and probably feel bad about their urges until they learn it is okay because they have empathy. I've had lust relationships before and I must say I prefer love relationships. I got nothing against people that like safe sex with many people and so on.

I don't want to hurt everyone I care about. I would vomit at the thought of beating up my parents or friends. I only desire to hurt those I find hot. Be well.

So wow... I am interested in all you are discussing. I am a psychologist. I have fallen in love with someone who has sadistic tendancies for sure. I have several questions how old were you when you realized you felt like this? Did something happen to you that caused these feelings? Are you only into causing the pain? When is your birthday and where were you born? I study astrology so doing your chart analyses would potentially be reveiling for certain things if you allow me.

Sure. I want people to know that I'm not a super-villain that wants to destroy the world! I simply got this quirk in my sexuality. My dad said I bit him when I was 2 but what baby doesn't bite? Must have been testing teeth. I don't remember this! I was 4 or 5 when I beat into a boy with a toy sword and a playgroup worker pulled me off. That might not have too much to do with sadism, since I don't thinks young kids know what they're doing exactly. When I was 6 I thought about stabbing some of my classmates to death. It was more intense by the time I was 8. In hindsight I loved these thoughts. I didn't do it because I knew very well it was wrong. You gotta keep in mind I lived within say 2 miles of a dangerous prison! I wanted to be a 'good' person. Yes, much conflict. I saw a woman bleed to death when I was 8 and felt terrible I didn't know how to help and wondered if people didn't care. Also my world was never the same again after we got sex ed at age 8. It shocked me. I blocked it out for a long time. I reckon most sadists enjoy sex as well as inflicting pain. I love the latter and I am unsure about the former. I'm not asexual though. I got into a lot of playfights (we always made up and no serious injuries at least!) in my childhood and that stopped when I went to high school at age 11. I was extremely withdrawn during high school due to bullying. I learned what sadomasochism was when I was 15. I have no criminal convictions but I did go off the walls a little during my late teen years! Recently I've been quite peaceful. I didn't truly find myself as a well-adjusted person until I hit 20. The sadism was more easy to accept than my bisexuality. I came out of my shell in college at 16. I think I was born sadistic and some events just made it more powerful. I don't like feeling pain, although I am willing to endure a bit for a person that gains my respect, trust, and love, really for the submissive aspect. I'll message you with my birthday.

Hi, I've had a sexual encounter with a man who through previous days seemed very caring and respectful and loving. Yet on our first day he was very rough with me, he bit me and also ********** on me including face and hair. This all happened on our very first sexual encounter.

Is this sadistic behaviour? Does this mean he has even more sadistic traits which could be hidden?

I had previously told him that I am still waiting to get out of an abusive relationship and that I still have "open wounds" from this previous abuse. I kinda expected that he would be extra careful with me.

I only came across sadism today so am not sure if this is what this guy was all about. He is 38 years old and according to what he said he hasnt had a sexual encouter for the past say 8 years or so.

What is your point of view, being a sadist yourself?

Appreciate your reply. Thanks in advance

Hi! A sadist can vary as much as anyone else. You should be setting clear boundaries. Maybe you were too scared to tell him to stop. This might be sexual assault? I'm sorry to hear about your experience. A decent sadist wouldn't act like an idiot. They'd be inflicting pain on a consenting partner. I cannot stress this enough. Safe sane and consensual. Also; risk aware consensual kink. From what you've told me; you met a loser. He shouldn't be forcing his mockery of sm on someone who doesn't enjoy it. It doesn't really matter if he is a sadist or not... I advise you to stay the hell away from this guy.

His actions imply a lack of respect. That's probably not sadism. He's extremely insensitive and perhaps has a sense of entitlement. Very childish. 8 years of no sex isn't an excuse. I wonder if this guy has even held down a relationship before. Maybe he objectifies women. The worst case scenario is you found a dangerous sociopath. They can seem real nice at first but they're gonna use you up.

Anyway, if you haven't already and you find the time; you might want to learn a martial art. If guns are legal where you live... that's another option. Learn to use it. You need to feel safe. You have a right to defend yourself. Be safe.

Thank you so much for your reply!! Means so much to me!!

From what he told me he had been married for a couple of years but his wife and her mum kicked him out and wouldnt even allow his daughter to see him. He blamed this on his ex mum in law but now after this experience im starting to think there is much more to the story and it could be that he acted in the same way with his wife at that time.

I couldnt even find the words to ask him to stop at the time...I was kinda shocked yet went through with it all...it is only after reflecting on his actions, facial features at the time and so on that got me to search and find out about this.

Previously he was all romantic...so it came as a shock to me because such behaviour wasnt romantic at all in my opinion.

Once again thank you so much for your reply because it helped clear up a lot of doubts. I cant thank you enough!

I am a bit confused as to what I am exactly I know I enjoy inflicting physical pain and seeing other in pain also the sight of gore and feeling blood on my hands/body however am I still a sadist if I submit to only my fiance?

Yes. People can know they're gay without screwing the same gender. If you have the sadistic urges... yep. It doesn't matter if you only unleash the beast on one person! Be safe.

Okie thanks for replying and mind if i msg you ya know just to talk nd stuff?

I may not respond often but feel free. I'm a fairly easy-going guy.

I'm the most sadistic sadist there is.

I've been wondering for a long time now whether I may be sadistic or not. I've always liked to see and imagine favourite fictional characters and occasionally real people I find to be attractive get hurt or suffer. This started as far back as when I was 9 if I remember correctly. More recently I came to the realization that seeing these things might be turning me on - I think I feel pleasure... down there. Sometimes I'd get wet. I've looked at some p*rn out of curiosity and only found the hardcore and usually BDSM ones to be of any interest. Watching gory stuff seems to make me smile or giggle. I haven't had sex yet, though (I'm female and in my late teens), so I have no idea if all this would extend to my sex life. I won't lie that I'm a bit worried about it - what would my partner think if he finds out I have such tastes? As I understand, female sadists are rarer, right? I guess I just want someone to talk with, as this isn't something I'm prepared to discuss with people I know.

If you're wanting to be the one inflicting pain, yes, you are a sadist. Since 9? I doubt it'll go away anytime soon! When I was a kid I thought everyone had these thoughts, I didn't realise it was sexual until my teenage years.

Your partner could think anything. Unfortunately it ain't everyone's cup of tea. You gotta decide how important sadism is for you. Test the water. Now if he were to discover your tastes, explain it to him, since some people have the wrong idea about sadists. He should at least listen.

Female sadists are less well known. There are many theories that attempt to explain this.

First off, thanks for the reply, because I wasn't sure if you were still around any more. It's really great to have someone experienced to talk to.

That's the thing I'm not sure of - I definitely like to see people in pain but I don't know if I want to be the one inflicting it. I'm quite sure that it turns me on. Does that still make me sadistic? It might have to do with my personality, though, because I don't have a lot of self-esteem nor self-confidence. Are there typical personality traits that sexual sadists tend to have, as in everyday life, or can there be a gap between their normal personalities and what they're like during sexual activity? I'm not a domineering person at all, but I wouldn't know if I'd be different in bed since seeing pain really does get me aroused.

I think I'd like to figure out if I really am sadistic before thinking about future relationships and such, because after reading about sadism I sometimes think I don't fit perfectly with the descriptions.

A sadist enjoys both watching and inflicting pain. If a person only enjoys watching... it could be novelty? It's pretty common for people to look at terrible accidents because they're curious. However, you've had these thoughts for a long time, so it's unlikely to be novelty. Do you feel apathetic to the world? Sorry for the strange question.

It is impossible to know exactly how you'll react until you're placed in the situation. You can only make an educated guess.

When you are watching videos it is easy to disconnect. It is extremely safe. You aren't involved, you are completely relaxed. It's a bit like enjoying a good horror movie. When you are ******* around with a knife (or anything else) you must be responsible, vigilant, and of course able to handle it emotionally.

Typical traits that a sexual sadist has in everyday life? Almost indistinguishable from other people. Yes there can be a gap, it really depends on the sadist, but most I reckon seem like 'normal' people on the surface. I'm pretty quiet usually, and I doubt most people know I'm sadistic. One thing I've noticed is I CAN'T STOP my responses, I get excited, even when it isn't socially accepted. I read tons of books on Serial Killers, I love the descriptions of how they torture and kill people. Killing is bad, duh, and I'm all for world peace... but I can't help my reactions! I can't read them as a 'normal' person would. A lot of my interests could be linked to sadism. If you experiment with sadism and find that you enjoy inflicting pain, do be aware it is difficult to stop, you need some serious self-control.

When you are watching your videos, do you get excited when there is only violence and no sex? Do you get excited at the thought of non-consenting violence? Ultimately only you know the answer, these are some question to think about for yourself.

I get that completely, like, for example, this one time a trash truck almost hit me, and it was beeping really loud.

There are lots of girl sadists there are plenty of rich businessmen who pay out lots of money to be dominated by their favorite dominatrix after closing a big deal, especially in Japan.

I agree with you.

yes he likes to ride horses

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I hope u can help me. I am a masochist I have to have pain, humiliation, public and well u get the idea, just to get excited. I have been trying to get my husband to be come a sadist for years! I can get gentle stuff when were a drunk but it's hard he's to scared he's gonna hurt me. Is there anyway to get him to become a sadist? 2 years ago i talked him into swinging so i could get what i wanted, but he hated having other people... i tell him some of my fantasies and he's tried some stuff but he just doesn't get it... I don't know what to do is there anything u can recommend? I've bought s&m videos... i want more then anything to bring a girl home to watch him with and dominate her... most of want is need is legal I just don't think he understands how much i need this! Please help... how do i turn him sadistic? (For lack of a better word)

If he ain't interested - you can't change him. Does he want to be sadistic? Does he have an aversion to inflicting pain? He has never done or talked about sm before you asked for it? Most people are confused as hell about hurting their partners. It is good in a way that he has this much concern for you, but he needs to stop worrying that much. You can handle pain and you need it, you told him that? If he wants to try this but he is often scared, he needs to gain confidence. This could happen in many ways, I am not sure in what way(s) your husband requires it. You've done the right thing by starting easy (and short), and I would add it'd be cool if your husband reads more about safety to settle his mind. If you work together with him to create solutions to the emergencies that could arise, it'll help. Being prepared puts people at ease.
Are the s&m videos realistic or not? Did he watch them? That might've frightened him. Your husband may have the wrong preconceptions about sm.
If he ain't into including other people, nothing can change that.

The videos I've watched with him r more like main stream kinda thing like vivid... I've told him the kind of stuff i like well most anyways... i guess whats frustrating is I want it with out having to tell him what to do... when we met he was one of those slow and soft kinda guy... he's defiantly come a ways from that! I am very into the rape kinda stuff when we were swinging I talked to him about sending someone over without me knowing and well you get it... as far as him he a is very defensive guy not very confident in him self, which I don't understand cause he has no reason to be that way... so will i pretty much have to live my life without it or find a secret
sadist which i really don't wanna do either :-(

I'm a sadist it's not something you can turn someone into beyond the point of childhood trauma or other circumstances that make the pain of others sexually arousal to you I believe some of us are born this way and some I made by circumstance

Uh huh and he watched seven Andre de las Tabos movies too.

I want you to understand all possibilities here.

What exactly do you mean by that?

Touching her with violence.

With the German killdren?

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I have a question if you don't mind. Do you like to hurt people for the sexual release or is it just the enjoyment of hurting others? I'm a masochist, but I'm always having trouble finding someone who accepts it and may even exceed just acceptance and give me what I want... Thank you for your time.

It's okay! It's the sexual release. I could write an entire damn essay on why it feels good. I had to think about that question for a while because initially both 'choices' seemed true lol. I only get off by inflicting pain and feeling blood in my hands. Nothing else works. This is my idea of expressing love and I'm pretty peaceful.

You'd be surprised at how many people are into sm. It ain't something that is easy to break to people. You have to decide how important sm is to you and weigh up the pros and cons. Good luck.

Thanks! :)

UH UH THEY DON'T DO IT LIKE THAT

I would like to talk if thats ok I don't have anyone elts to talk to about this

Alrighty, no problem! I sent ya a PM.

I think I'm starting to have the same feelings I've ben reading allot about b.t.k I'm sure u kno who I mean I've also ben watching allot of bondage type **** how do I kno if I should take the next step?

Do you mind if we talk? I'm incredibly confused about myself and I just feel like you're someone who would know how to help me. Please contact me, thank you sincerely

Be my guest. My advise isn't always infallible, but I can try. I sent you a PM.

I admire my handiwork and make certain I haven't done permanent harm. If you look after a person; they'll last longer, just like car maintenance :)

Well if you're thinking of anime shota, I've liked them as young as 11. If I did what you said, I'd feel quite neutral. It'd be so much better to stab them. Real kids are off limits to me though, I've never known one that I've been attracted to. The age of an adult here is 16 or over.

Plenty people have called me a psychopath and I think that's the result of popular entertainment. I know how it feels to be judged lol.

after the experience and if you are still around the person how do you treat them then? My second question is perhaps difficult to ask what does the thought of sodomy done to a boy who does not want it done. pick any age boy 10 12 14 15 force him to ****. watch him cry and plead. Is that a turn on or a turn off. slap him and give it to him no matter what he says your opinion thanks

I detest the media portrayal of S&M; you're either a serial killer or into really tame crap. I have nothing against the tame side of things, however as you said; it gives people the wrong expectations. I see you dislike Rihanna's idea of it; I agree... she did not do the research. This happens everywhere and it ****** off people that know more about it. Here's an interesting link http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DidNotDoTheResearch



"im finding it even more difficult than before to accurately set someone (girl at the bar)'s expectations, about where this night may end up if she leaves with me." I can relate somewhat. One of my exes was scared away by my desires. I was surprised because she seemed a bit kinky, biting me and all. I am pansexual, yet I don't find naked bodies exciting. There needs to be begging, blood, bruises, crying, screaming, pain etc and I'm the cause of it... otherwise I'd be as well falling asleep!



My pals will say they wanna copulate with this or that hot woman, and they don't understand my wanting to beat up said woman. As for the internet, I can't relate to ASPD, but sometimes they post interesting threads about violent urges there http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/

this was the first thing i wrote on this site, after writing it, i wrote more stories, thing i have never told anyone. it was freeing.

freeing so much so, that i sent a mass email to all of my current friends explaining in great detail, what i am. what that entails, and letting them know i appreciate their friend ship, but if they cannot accept it, it would be best for them to remove me from their social network.



noon flipped out. and alot of questions were raised lol. it would seem from the last bad experience i had, i had been mentally forming a mountain out of a mole hill.

this site is fantastic. so glad i found it.



i agree that from when i was in high school until now, its become much more accepted as a lifestyle. but i think its become accepted in the wrong fashion.

all these pop stars are making music about bdsm, but they aren't giving it an honest portrayal.

its not all giant silk scarf bondage and soft giant feathers, infact like a VERY small portion of it is that tame.

and because its more widely accepted now as that sort of soft core taboo, a im finding it even more difficult than before to accurately set someone (girl at the bar)'s expectations, about where this night may end up if she leaves with me.

and in this size of town. all it takes is one girl to call rape, and a few bruises to back it up, and you got 15 really bored cops after your blood.



its not like that scares me, more than anything it ****** me off.

and i love your analogy about making "sex illegal, and see how they like it.

its ridiculous, they really have no idea the amount of self control it takes, to do the things they consider normal, like going to a ***** club. i dont know about you, but just the naked form of a woman, doesn't turn me on. until some pain and restraining come into the picture, its just frustrating as all hell.

like sitting a dog in front of a stage full of squirrels, and telling him he has to imagine there's a giant fence between them.

The stigma for me is that the law doesn't recognise the ability to consent to bodily harm. They are hardly gonna catch and arrest such cases, but the mere fact that my desires = illegal... it ****** me off. I'm not a criminal. If anything, I have to hold back on my desires more than people who like sex. How would they like it if sex were illegal?



I knew what I was before age 10, I simply didn't know it had a name, and I thought it was normal. High school was when I became seriously confused. It seemed as if almost everyone was crazy about this whole sex thing and I simply couldn't relate. I thought that once I tried it, I'd be converted. Alas, I did not change.



I tell people early on, and if they don't like it; tough. People do seem to be becoming more accepting though, I think it is gonna get a lot better. 'Alternative' lifestyles like LGBT = almost fully accepted in my country. Only a few people tend to disagree, and mostly it is because they are scared of the unknown.

i am also a sadist. i cannot remember once in my life ever being turned on by anything that didn't at the very least involve tight bondage.

i just got through reading all your comments and reply's and i have to admit at this point i cant remember how i found this page to begin with.

i have known a few other sadists in my life, and like them, you and myself. i have found that the vast majority of us, use logic and reason as an emotional shield.



well i know i do at least, i didn't mean to try and tell you your own personality.

but i said that more as a preface, i do have a legitimate question, i would like to pose to you.



when i was younger, about 16-18, i was extremely confused about my sexual preference, as there was next to no information about it, everyone was either strait gay, those were the only 2 sexual options. which i admit made me very furious. i was lucky enough to find a chat room, with about 10 regular users, some as old as 70. simply hanging around to provide info, and probably prevented me from going out and doing something i would regret now.



the problem is, these people have slowly vanished from my life, and it is much harder to try and talk to your friends about things. than people you will never meet over the internet.



which brings me to the actual question, how do you address the stigma associated with being a sadist, i tried being my honest self once, and was just blunt about it with a few "good friends" and from that moment, they haven't spoken to me in 10 years, it seems like serial killer/rapist documentaries have ingrained a fear in people about my lifestyle.



i have a good solid group i friends that i really enjoy spending time with, but its starting to come to the point where all of the things i wont talk about are making them suspect im hiding something from them. which makes them even more curious. i despise liars, but i dont want to be honest if im going to scare people i care about away. such a catch 22.



i would love to hear your insight on the mater, you seem intelligent and socially well adjusted for the most part.

I totally understand. I love seeing the fear in my wife's eyes when I'm whispering to her the bad things I'm going to do to her **** and ****, while I'm fingering her *****. I rarely go through with them, but once in a while I will do just enough to keep her guessing and worried the next time.

The other night I got her super horny then told her I needed her consent to do whatever I wanted to her. It was a fantastic night. I also tell her things in order to make her worry that some time I might just snap and follow through with all the things I've threatened to do to her. Who knows, maybe sometime I will.

To me you are brave! to be so honest and open to a complete stranger, is truly amazing. I dont know you, but you seem cool so far, and if your not happy about how things are going for you why not try and change them? Life is hard for everyone it seems, just in different ways. the thing that makes us different is how we deal with the situation that faces us. I am a hypocrite in a way too, because i give advice that i cant manage to follow myself even though i think its good advice. so take everything i say as just that, my thoughts and ideas. lol where did i tell you about my bad spelling?

Naww, I hate myself, very, very much. I'm 19 and still I'm childish :/ I'm a hypocrite. I'm not gonna go kill myself, but I don't ever foresee accepting myself. I just pretend I'm emotionless. Behind that facade, I'm very, very sensitive. I'm not a tall guy, but my friends are a little scared of me. I don't like it being that way but I don't know any better. If one of them gives me an insult, I pretend it doesn't hurt me, I make them feel like I'm impossible to hit. But secretly I'll cry about that nasty word I was called, when I'm alone. I don't like anyone to see me cry. I can be more honest on EP, it's confusing! When I feel really down about a silly word, what helps me to feel better is thinking... "could they survive one day as me?" xD I'm not saying my life is hard, I just have some battles "in my head" that I'd love to see them fight.

Your spelling is very good btw, you must've worked on it a lot. Now I am rambling xD

I read all of the posts on this story, and sadist or not, I can see that you have a heart, and it's a good one. I hate reading about people hating themselves and inner battles because I know what it's like all too well...
Please know that no matter what anyone says, (even if it's you saying it) that you are never worthless. <3

you seem like a very together person which is awsome, and your right everyone has there things they do which makes them different, thats what makes us interesting. I glad you can control it and arnt going to go round killing people as i would never think that was good. Bipolar is offen misunderstood too and i would also let poeple ask me about it too so thay can understand it a bit better too.

Plus I know i can be weak - so you dont need to worry about it around me anyway. :)

I don't think I'm strange or different, I believe that every single human is messed up in their own way... I don't consider the sadism to be messed up, since I practise great self-control, but my bipolar... which I see you have as well, my condolences, it royally sucks. I've never been hospitalised, but bipolar is a tricky demon to live with.

I let people ask questions about sadism because... as many things are, it's misunderstood. Every sadist is a little different from the next. I'm not gonna go out and kill people, I'm quite happy to explore safe outlets. It'd be like a foot fetishist grabbing peoples' feet in the street... it's something I can control without too much trouble :)

It might interest you, so I'll say this; I do feel empathy. Cognitive, emotional, and compassion. Even if I don't seem like it on the outside sometimes. I am a little afraid to express my emotions, since I have this 'complex' about being weak.

I think that is rather different!!! but I like different, I heard of sadist the other day, so its cool to let people ask you questions about it. :)

Both hitting and cutting someone turn me on. The more I love someone, the more easy it is for me to hurt them.

I don't get pleasure from hurting myself, but I am an ex-self-harmer... it used to provide a "rush" that would make me feel good. It didn't turn me on. I have tried to enjoy pain and failed many times xD

Hey,

just intested cos i understand about self harm but have i got this right, you enjoy hurting others such as cuting them or hiting them? and does it turn you on or just make you feel good or both?

Do you get pleasure from hurting yourself or not?

Hmm, I got a wonderful boyfriend/owner. I'm not gonna cheat. You'll have to get your kicks elsewhere :p There are many sadists. The more extreme ones, such as myself, might be hard to find, but you do find em. I don't think EP is that great a place to find what you're looking for, though.

Hello MeisterWolf, I would L-O-V-E to meet a Sadist such as yourself. You can torture me anytime you like. I need to hurt for YOU. If your ever in Philly, send me an e-mail. mccartysteve@yahoo.com

I have never raped anyone. That's pure sex and it doesn't appeal to me. I mean nonconsensual by physical harm, like beating up, cutting, etc. I used to get into a lot of fights but now I haven't fought for many months.

What do you mean by nonconsensual? like rape?