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I'm A Sexual Sadist. Ask Me Anything

My libido makes me desire to harm people.  It's difficult to understand unless you're sadistic yourself.  It's the pain of others, be it physical or mental, that I L-O-V-E, but it is 1000x better when I am the cause of it!  I love causing fear, crying, screaming, pure unholy terror of the worst kind.  Nonconsensual is much more appealing to my lust yet consensual appeals more to my love/sweet/whatever-it-is-called-feeling.  The type of love that I give is strange and not everyone understands it.  It is not for everyone.  I thought I should offer everyone a chance to learn more about it.

Nope, I don't harm innocent people, unless they enrage me.  I reserve the right to answer a question if I have good reason.
MeisterWolf MeisterWolf 18-21, M 39 Responses Nov 5, 2010

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Hello,
I guess I'm asking this as a sexual Masochist... Who has little experience with actually meeting someone who is.. not freaked out by my enjoying pain sexually. Obviously I'm not going to ask if It makes me weird to enjoy the things I do... But I'm wondering, from my view point, how do I know? Do I just wonder through life hoping to meet someone who is actually pleasing and stimulating sexually? Or is there some trick? Should I just openly out myself every time I meet someone? Allowing myself to be judged so easily? I've been called weird so many times that I just feel embarrassed at this point. I guess rather than questions, this is me asking for advice, since I don't even know anyone to ask.
Thank you from small Island town isolation
Teddy*

Hello Meister,

So, I've read through here a bit and I think you might a good person to ask. I myself am a sadist, I'm not a sexual sadist, I'm a psychological sadist with an affinity for sharp things and fractures. Well, that's how I see it.

Anyways, my questions.

1) Do you embrace your sadism? I know you say you can't change it, but do you actually embrace it or do you hate it?
2) Has your sadism ever saved you? Right now I'm in a pretty bad break up and my sadism is the only thing keeping me composed. Like, has your sadism ever offered you that seclusion from reality that ended up helping you through a hard time?
3) Do you think it's possible for a sadist to find a lover? I don't mean a one night stand, or a fling, but a person you're happy to wake up to, a person that accepts you and your needs, a person you can grow old with.
4) Do you think it's a bad idea to tell your close friends that you're a sadist? If not then who else should you tell? Who would you avoid telling?

I guess that's all I can think of right now. This is my first attempt at reaching out to another sadist so I'm not sure about what it's like for others.

Hi, Shadow2233!
1) Yes. I embrace it 99%. There's that 1% of grief because of empathy. I think that's just the way it has to be. Otherwise I could be a sadist with antisocial personality disorder! With that said, I wouldn't change it for the world. I can handle the rare feelings of remorse because it feels so good. Also, I want to be as true as possible to myself. I've tried denying this part of me before and that failed.


2) Yes. There's a theory that sexual fantasies are a form of self-therapy. I've noticed that my fantasies change somewhat depending on how my life is going. People often daydream about things they want, so it makes sense to me. Just remember that it's often an extremely exaggerated need. Your sadistic thoughts can be non-sexual, yet equally amusing and healing for you. As a sidenote, I've found mild masochism to be an escape from myself. The relief afterwards is immense and helps put my life into perspective.


3) Yes. Sometimes I wonder if only masochists, sadists, and sadomasochists truly understand these feelings. I learned the hard way that dating non-masochistic people is a bad idea. There are probably happy sadists with non-masochistic partners, but I know it wouldn't work for me. I need to be loved and enjoyed for what I am. It's a critical component. I don't believe in soul mates. There are many women that are compatible with you and the trouble is finding them. It's difficult disclosing sadism! I can actually relate somewhat to those fears. I'm an affectionate sadist and even if it is an act... I don't relate to cold hard sadists in typical **** videos. I'm highly attuned to noticing real and fake reactions.


4) Depends. I would have to test the water. The best advice I can give you is don't present it to them as if it is the worst thing in the world. I try not to go into detail about what I'm into because I don't want to freak them out. I wouldn't consider it lying if you withheld it from them... maybe they have some fetishes they never tell anyone about. You shouldn't tell employers, family, or people that tell everyone else.
It's an incredibly unique experience for every sadist. I read your story. I am sorry that you're having a difficult time. You will learn from this and become stronger.

Hi MeisterWolf , am very glad that I found someone like you here, umm I will be very happy if you answer my three questions because am in need for the answers.

1- Do sadistic person miss the one he love?

2- can a sadistic person change if he accept changing ?

3- can sadism be innate ever? Or it's always acquired ?

Thanks.

1 - Most sadists are capable of feeling love and empathy.

2 - Somewhat. It depends on the strength/level of the sadism and how it began.

3 - Rarely. It is usually learned in childhood, puberty, or early adulthood.


The average sexual sadist isn't a sadistic serial killer. There was an old term called leptosadism to describe the former. Sorry, I just really felt the need to add that.

Thank you very much for responding , wish you all the best.

Ok... I am new to this "world". I've known I was a sub for a long time but only recently realized that I am also a masochist. There is a new man in my life who is a sadist/master/dom (excuse me if some of those terms mean the same thing). The issue that I'm having is this: he is literally like two different people. One inside the bedroom and one out. When he is not tying me up or hurting me in some way he is the sweetest, kindest, most giving person imaginable. Is this "normal"? I have trouble reconciling the two parts and making sense of it at times. Are you this way also?

I certainly wasn't that way in my teens and I've got a long way to go. But I want to be a kind person. I was apathetic and now I'm hyperaware of pain and suffering. It's overwhelming at times. I feel split between a decent human being and a monster. Recently more merged because I've read plenty psychology books that helped to understand and deal with guilt. With that said, I prefer to be somewhat caring in the bedroom and put my partner's pleasure above my own. Inflicting pain is too much fun to give up, even if it conflicts with my empathy. Of course, I don't like to admit this in character! Afterwards I need to hold and spend time with my 'victim.' This reassures me I'm not really a monster. I hope that is useful for you.

That was somewhat helpful, actually. Thanks

Hi, i'm not sure if this is how you ask a question here...
But i'm a little curious about sadism and I was wondering whether you could help me out. I'm a psychology student and after reading the Fifty Shades Trilogy I was quite sure she got her characters' behaviour a little wrong. So my question is - Can a person change his/her sadistic character as Grey (If he was a sadist) did in the book? I understand that its a work of poor fiction, but basically do you ever feel like you can change for someone else?
Also, how different are Sadism and Dominance? Thank you.

Hi! You're correct. Those characters are unhealthy examples. Christian Grey doesn't respect Anastasia Steele and that is an abusive relationship. I used to feel as if I were on a crusade against that book but now I think whatever. It reminds me of the difference between **** and sex. It doesn't accurately depict typical BDSM relationships. I'm not gonna pretend we kinksters have it all together. Abuse occurs just like in regular relationships. There are safeguards against it but there's only so much we can do. It could happen if a person ignored all safeguards and played with somebody they don't know.


Sadism can probably be changed if the person picked it up recently. It also depends how strong the preference for sadism is. Many personality traits can be changed in around 90 days with conditioning. A strong preference for sadism that has lasted for most of their life? It's better to accept it. I've tried to repress it and basically drowned in guilt. What's wrong with sadism if a masochist consents and society allows violent sports such as boxing? Asking me to remove my sadism is similar to asking someone to remove their enjoyment of sex. Personally, I wouldn't change for anyone else because then I'm no longer myself. I guess Christian Grey's sadism was quite unhealthy and that's why he had to change because fictional characters can change whenever convenient? I'm sorry if I seemed angry here... it wasn't my intent!


Sadism and dominance can be separate. A dom doesn't necessarily need to be sadistic. All the roles are actually quite dynamic. The person doing things is the top. The person taking things is the bottom. The aggressor is the dom. The passive one is the sub. To enjoy inflicting pain is (usually) sadism. To enjoy receiving pain is (usually) masochism. It's entirely possible to have a sadistic submissive top or a masochistic dominant bottom. Yes, a masochist giving orders to a sadist!

Hi! This is really helpful actually! I'm doing a review of the book for my Psychology class and this insight really helped. Thank you. :)
Can sexual sadism and a form of masochism occur together? My conclusion points to Grey exhibiting both personality traits, among others.

But Thank You for the response.

You're welcome. Psychology is an amazing subject! Yes, you're probably aware that sadism and masochism coexist in a sadomasochistic person. Although they appear to complement each other; sadism and masochism are separate in a medical context. They don't necessarily exist on the same spectrum. I think a sadist is slightly more likely to be masochistic than a non-sadist and a masochist is slightly more likely to be sadistic than a non-masochist. That's only my personal conclusion. Maybe I should research statistics pertaining to sadomasochism, despite the inherent flaws in, uh, statistics xD


Personally, I have a mild masochistic streak because of my morbid curiosity. I've hurt myself worse than I'd allow another person to do. I'm fascinated by masochists and wish to understand their world. I don't consider myself to be a masochist. It is less about pain and more about anticipation and burning the memory into my mind for future reference.


Grey's certainly an abusive stalker and a rapist. It's okay because it's fictional. I'm not gonna lie. My fantasies are more violent than my actions in real life. A lot of people probably have a few fantasies they'd never want to do and/or hate in reality! I felt extremely guilty about them for a long time.

Um I was just wondering, is there any way to subtly tell if someone is a sadist? Like, I don't want to go up to someone and say "Hey are you sadistic or what?" Thanks.

Hi! Yes. They introduce themselves as a sadist at a BDSM munch. That isn't where you find people to date, but it can be a gateway to a new world.


If somebody asked me if I'm sadistic, I'd tell them that sadism exists on a spectrum and say that yes I am a kinkster and mention consent. You could ask someone that when it wouldn't seem weird to talk about sex, so you'll find people are more open about it online. IRL you should ask what they think about some BDSM in the news and test the waters. As much as 50 Shades of Grey is wrong about BDSM, it has helped people to talk more openly about it. The dominant guy in the book is abusive and it reads like a generic **** movie without a plot. I hope people do their research if they're interested in BDSM and that they won't trust ****. My main concern is that some people might try to do the things they read in the book and be unsafe about it... they could restrain their partner with silk ties and cut off the blood circulation. I could recommend some non-fiction books. I think somebody should make a joke about how some kinksters study sex and are able to discuss it while eating breakfast and not feel weird at all.


It is difficult to tell if someone is sadistic unless you've read a lot of psychology and you often talk to the suspected sadist. The criminal sadist is obviously, uh, obvious when the police catch them. The sexual sadist is an elusive creature. He or she can be an introvert or an extrovert. I would say there's a perfectionist streak in most sadists that isn't always apparent at first. You can only tell so much about a person by the entertainment they enjoy. My sadism is only one trait of my personality and it often surprises people when I admit it. I believe I personally express my sadism through my fascination with 'morbid' things (for example I read about serial killers) and yet remain refined about it -- I don't believe people should think serial killers are cool. Since I have empathy, people often don't see the guilt that has followed me throughout my life, although it seriously decreased when I learned that sadomasochism is okay. I think about much more violent things than I do... and I guess it makes sense when you learn that many people have rape fantasies that they would never do in real life! It's safe to play around in our minds and even a nun has thought about murder once xD

Hi, thanks for the responses - really great to read through. I've got loads of questions about how sadists tick, I think I have a small sadist inside me too.

So, I get a real thrill out of watching domination and submission in *********** - I'm very much on the sub side myself with other guys. I love it if the dominant takes a sadistic pleasure in what he is doing. When I watch that kind of thing the turn on's for me are the mind games and the little displays of power. There's a kind of electricity there when the dom has taken over the sub, that can't be faked by pornstars unless they are the real deal.

My question is, how do you see and feel those things either in real life or when watching ****? Does the sexual high come along with say striking a blow, or is it more about the total scene - perhaps tipped off by a whimper of vulnerability and fear before the next strike?

That's a good question because honestly I don't know the answer. I love being in control and I enjoy inflicting pain. I want to see fear and love. I want to hear whimpering and begging for more. I have to say that as I get older I'm falling in love with the psychological idea behind my urges. Pain is the most fun way to cause suffering. I cut myself (quick slash on the thigh) a week or two ago just to know exactly how one of my knives hurt. I can recall the memory when needed. I watched **** yesterday. Such a disregard for safety and terribly unrealistic. Artistic license, I guess. **** is designed to get you off, not to be sane. I've never made partners scream that much! With consent I'll take what I want. I love to be given trust and I'll work to earn it.

Thanks. It's interesting that you have a high regard for safety and consent. Guys that I've met that definitely were sadists also shared that characteristic - although to be fair I wouldn't have met otherwise, there may well be plenty others that don't. It's a contradiction.

I was once suspended for a beating (nothing too serious). I wanted the suspension, he wanted to do the beating. Later, I could see that major straps were replicated - so if one gave way, the resulting collapse wouldn't have caused danger. That's attention to detail and safety!

This is quite a personal question so, obviously, you might choose not answer it. But do you actually empathise for purely selfish reasons? If you stick to the SSC rules and chose consenting playmates then (a) there's less risk to you of any consequences and (b) the person is likely to come back so you get to go around again?

Outside of those benefits, does caring about the other person's experience actually contradict sadism? Or, to put it another way, would you prefer to work unconsensually if it was absolutely guaranteed that there would be no come back? I know this could only be hypothetical. It would certainly be more horrific for the other person, even if it didn't involve excessive violence, and therefore better for you.

This is a genuine question. I mean no disrespect. As a sub (although not a masochist) I was using those guys as much as they were using me. I'm just interested in understanding the other side of how the game is played.

Hey just want to know does dominance and sadism go hand in hand!? And also what makes most sadist want to hurt more!?

Usually they are combined. However, there are submissive sadist and dominant masochist roles. Some people have a dynamic role that changes. What makes me want to cause more pain is feeling blood. Also hearing crying, begging, and screams. Most importantly; trust. A sadist that is well-adjusted will probably be pleased that a masochist enjoys the torment. If a guy wants to hurt you without your consent ... get the hell out of there. SM does not have to take over an entire relationship... it usually remains in the bedroom. We should leave the 24/7 stuff to the professionals... they have references to keep you safe. If you're going to play with a sadistic guy for the first time... please give friends/family a rough estimate of when you'll be back... and maybe no restraining the first few times, just do some mild DS. You should build up trust before you put your life into the hands of another person.

Well I was dating a guy who said he was a "slight sadist" he also says he needs me to enjoy it..so I thought cool its kinda kinky..I always like a bit of pain...but no he then told me he had a knife and ****...dunno if he was just trying to scare me or what but not taking risks...on the texts I was so so terrified but I never let him see that I said yeah whatever and played it cool...but hes tone got very angry in response to that...of course ill never see him again..but im glad I know know what a sadist is..cos I never thought they existed much..dont wanna kill ur fun but at times is it best to have no reaction like a poker face and a cool calm demenour to deflect them...like if u were unaffected or maybe acted a bit bored..would that stop them!? Also what do other sadists think of other fellow sadists..!?

Slight sadist with a knife in hand... uh, right xD That's similar to me, but I don't take it lightly. Small knives only. He should start with a sterile10a scalpel if he wants to cut a partner. We have to worry about tons of precautions and preventing infection. Unless of course, as you said; he just wanted to scare you. People need a lot of trust for that to work. It would be frustrating to get no reactions. I want to see that I'm causing pain! However, even if a person hides it, I'll know it hurts, because I can imagine it myself. I'll become angry and feel less control if a person doesn't react.

Yes, that's one of the best ways to deflect a sadist. That's what they teach the police to do when they interrogate sadistic serial killers. Remain cool and calm. Sadists prey on fear and some can tell when a person is pretending to be relaxed or bored. Some do not mind a challenge and think they can break a person. Almost everyone eventually breaks. There have been a few people in this world that set themselves on fire and put on a brave face until they died. It's truly rare though. If a criminal sadist wants to hurt you, they'll probably keep at it, unless they are very weak minded. You would only deter most non-criminal sadists that don't want to seriously kill people.

Sadists can learn from each other. I think they're fun to talk to. I don't respect most criminal sadists and even some well-adjusted sadists are difficult to respect.

hi, ive had an issue on my mind for quite a while now about pleasure from pain. ever since I was little (5-6 years old) ive enjoyed werewolf movies with painful transformations, with the people suffering and just being in pain, but it was never a 'sexual' thing, it was more like a really deep love for the character (like the sort of feeling you get when you talk to your crush) I just loved the characters when they had to go through something painful. as I grew up and watched more films/ anime, there were more and more scenes that I noticed where people were being in pain. in Japanese anime, there are a lot of people with fevers, so that was pretty weird for me. even if it was a character I hated, I would fall in love with them, or rather their suffering, for that scene. but I've never felt like inflicting pain on others, and I don't find causing emotional pain on others fun. I don't find it sexual when someone breaks a leg or something tho, unless there supressing pain. I dunno, im really confused, would I be a sadist or not?

What do you want to do to the suffering people? If you want to help them, you're a very empathic person. A sadist would want to hurt them and/or find it sexually arousing. Since this isn't sexual for you, I'm pretty confused! I've heard of transformation fetishes. I wouldn't say you have one though.

hmmm I don't know weather I would help them or not... ive never been in a situation where I could help in real life, and its not really sexual, its more like my heart skips a beat when I see someone's painful face and I just kinda wanna watch..

You don't identify with them? I'm not saying you're masochistic, that seems unlikely. I think it must be an empathy thing. Somehow even characters you dislike are made loveable when they're hurting. If they survive, and they're no longer hurting, do you still like them, or has the love then gone? If it is only during, then... I've never heard of that before. It could simply be the extreme emotions displayed (especially if you like their reactions) that trigger something, even if it's not sexual.

when they are no longer in pain, it just goes back to square one... its always been confusing for me... maybe I just find pain cute?

1 More Response

I'm not a sadist, but I'm deeply curious about the human mind. I've only found this post now. I have a few questions, if you feel like answering I'd appreciate a lot. Don't need to answer all of course... thanks!<br />
<br />
1) Is your sadism necessarily sexual? Do you like it for exactly the same purpose a person would like sex or ***********?<br />
<br />
2) You said you could write an entire essay about why it feels good. I'd be interested to see that.. Can you share just a few more words?<br />
<br />
3) You mentioned that this is your idea of "expressing love". Perhaps I'm not smart enough, but I can't see a connection there, can you try to explain to me in what sense that would be love? What kind of love do you mean? Just sex? To me love is affection, it's the total opposite of hurting. <br />
<br />
4) If you find yourself a masochist partner, don't you fear you both could loose control over your lust and end up hurting irreversibly or killing that person? Don't you feel this lust is too much of a risk? <br />
<br />
5) Do you feel that this sadism is a pathology? Of course this idea doesn't sound pleasant to you, but do you think a sadist could be "cured"?

1) It's not amusing, it's hot. I can't turn it off. I don't know how it feels to be otherwise. Most sadists enjoy both sex and inflicting pain. I love inflicting pain. A few sexual things are okay... they just don't give me enough of a rush.

2) An entire essay wouldn't do justice to this feeling, nor would all the books in the world. It's about trust, love, and intense sensations. I don't really have enough time to devote to this task. I had more time when I was a teenager and I wrote this story. I'm in my early 20s.

3) Masochists enjoy pain, but usually not all types of pain. When a sadist inflicts pain on a masochist; that replaces sex, or enhances sex. I enjoy affection as well. Do you express love through sex? What if I said I like hugs? If I only hurt somebody, that's lust.

4) Yes. This isn't something I take lightly! Mistakes can still occur, despite my preparation. I deal with them. Safe, sane, and consensual. Risk-aware consensual kink. You might wish to google those terms.

5) Yes, my brain is wired a weird way, this is not 'normal'. I would be extremely unwilling to be cured. I don't consider it to be a 'negative' thing. If you are a sexual person (thus not asexual), would you enjoy someone telling you to remove the desire for sex? However, a sadist that is willing to be cured, might have some success, but not 100%. They could develop coping methods through therapy. I'd only consider getting 'help' if it negatively impacted my life, such as what depression, bipolar, and anxiety disorders can do to people.

Thanks man.

I'm fascinated by this because you seem to perceive things in a different way. I'd like to be able to see with your eyes you know. I wouldn't like to enjoy it as well, but to understand what is it that you "see" that I don't.

I say this documentary of a japanese man that murdered and ate a woman. Please don't be offended, I'm not comparing you with him at all - he was a psychopath - but just to illustrate my point. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen, but at the same time one of the most fascinating. A completely "normal" man on the surface.. but where does that weird urge comes from? How can someone have pleasure in doing such thing? What makes him tick, you know what I mean? What connection does his mind make?

At times I've wondered how a psychopath sees the world. I don't want to lose my empathy, though. Some psychopaths are also sadistic, then I can relate somewhat with them, but... the lack of consent and dead people being unable to feel pain... why would they do that. There's no love in their work. It's selfish and savage. You can't really compare it with rape, but it reminds me of it!


The best way to explain how I see things... switch sex and sadism. Yes, it can be awkward, such as when somebody got his foot ran over by a car... all I could think was 'I hope it crushed the bone' and I felt excited against my will. It's akin to walking in on your friends having sex. Anyway it can be useful to be comfortable in situations that make most people sick. I wasn't upset seeing a bone sticking out and I managed to comfort my coworker. At least two others fainted.


Cannibalism? I wonder what goes through their minds. It doesn't make sense to me. I talked to a guy that enjoyed vore, he said he enjoyed eating, sex, and closeness, so he wanted to combine all three. Have you read about Albert Fish? He ate children. I don't understand 'people' such as that!

I believe a psychopath is someone devoid of empathy. He can perhaps understand empathy and manipulate others through that understanding, but he himself doesn't feel it. They are always very intelligent and manipulative as far as I know. I think psychopaths are born this way, whereas a sadistic person becomes sadistic through child experiences. When you put both cases in the same person, you got the real danger. I'm just guessing though, I'm far from expert on this subject. Do you agree?

As for cannibalism, I think it's some form of synesthesia. The person can exchange and associate different sensations and get himself a super high sensation. I also think it originates from childhood experiences.

They have cognitive empathy, but no emotional/compassionate empathy. You're correct with that one. They're not always very intelligent, though, they just have the confidence to use whatever intelligence they have to the fullest extent. Charles Starkweather had around average intelligence, he was extremely rash. Also there was another psychopath that blamed a murder on a horse... she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed! I'm fascinated by the gender differences between psychopaths and serial killers. The women usually target those close to them and the men choose random people. Of course there are exceptions. I'm almost certain that the gender differences between serial killers are usually due to the influence of society. Men are encouraged to be boisterous boys and women are told to be gentle girls.


You're debating nature/nurture, which is one of the oldest arguments in the field of psychology. The answer is both. I think most psychopaths have a predisposition to psychopathy and life experiences aggravate the condition... especially childhood. There are plenty psychopaths out there in the world of business, they aren't always 'nice', but they aren't killing/torturing people. What differentiates them is likely a nurturing childhood and a lack of highly stressful environmental factors. Of course it doesn't stop some of them... human personality is much too vast to be perfectly understood. Most people who are abused, do NOT become abusers... usually because they don't have the predisposition to psychopathy.


When they catch a serial killer, they examine their lives, they look for ANYTHING that might explain it. Humans, are fond of patterns, they find them even when they don't make sense. The problem is... there is order in chaos, and nature doesn't follow patterns (except fractals?) The more simple something is, the more complex it becomes, and vice versa. I would look at each case as an individual. I studied psychology in college and it is a special interest of mine. I'm not an expert. I still read a lot about serial killers and psychopathy. I'm a extremely enthusiastic researcher, so I understand why you also study it with such vigor. Plenty teenagers say they are fascinated by serial killers, but how many of them maintain that interest for years? It reminds me of when I first read about quantum mechanics. When you're super interested by something, it almost consumes you, there's a powerful motivation to learn, which again leads us back to psychology!

Thanks man, this been eye-opening to me...
I agree, I feel human personality and it's motives are far from being fully understood. Part of me really would like to solve that 'puzzle', that thing that's so screwed up.

You talked about patterns, I believe we always urge to find them because they are so helpful. Finding a pattern in crimes helps preventing more to happen. But very interesting thought, perhaps they focus too much on them, creating themselves false premises when analyzing criminal minds.

The best thing I can think of to prevent this kind of crime is good education. I think it's all about growing up, being stimulated with the values of living in society. I've come to understand that we can change what we love and what stimulates us. When I hate something that another person loves, I push myself to love that too. I'm always doing that. I used to hate noise music, so I listened to it a lot, till I "got it". Today I like it a lot. Mushrooms such as shimeji used to make me almost throw up, but since some people love it so much, I pushed myself to "understand" that appreciation. What I mean is that there are all kinds of pleasures and passions in the world, and I believe we are all able to pursuit healthy ones, ones that do not hurt the values of society. This should be taught in schools.

I think this 'industrial' education model which seems to be the standard everywhere in the world is quite pathetic. I even believe sometimes it does more bad than good. Anyways, that's a whole other complex subject, haha.

4 More Responses

Is it weird that I want a boyfriend with sadistic tendencies? My boyfriend right now is very caring and sweet but sometimes I wish that he was more... Aggressive? For lack of better words.

No, it isn't weird. If you want him to hurt you, you'll have to ask him, even for sadists it can be confusing to hurt their partners. If you tell him that you enjoy it, that might reassure him. However, if he isn't a sadist, you'll have to focus on other aspects of your sex life. It depends how important pain is to you. Perhaps you could reach a compromise with him just being a little rougher than usual. Some masochists aren't happy in 'normal/vanilla' relationships. Are you sure you're not simply wanting him to be more active and/or dominant, as opposed to inflicting pain on you? A sadist can be a dom, switch, sub, master, slave, top, versatile, bottom, or a combination thereof. Also rigid roles aren't for everyone. I know that shame often gets in the way of people unleashing their desires, so there could be some of that as well, especially if you are his first relationship.

I'm curious about sadists and how they love. Do you feel more inclined to hurt the ones you love the most or is hurting them maybe how you express your love? Do sadists typically feel love towards their masochists?

Depends on the sadist. I imagine murder in my head... I don't do that in real life. In real life I need love, I have empathy, I show affection, hugs aren't a crime. I could enjoy hurting somebody that I don't find attractive, yet I might feel sick after it. It's much more enjoyable to hurt a person that's hot, their reactions are awesome. It's all the better if they're a masochist and you know this is what they need and enjoy. While it's good fun to refer to people as chewtoys and equate them to maintaining your car, I don't feel that way inside. It used to be difficult to admit such 'weakness' openly. I learned that it is a strength. I don't think I knew that when I first wrote the story.

Do people typically feel love towards the partners they have sex with? It's like that. I would argue that most sadists do feel love and probably feel bad about their urges until they learn it is okay because they have empathy. I've had lust relationships before and I must say I prefer love relationships. I got nothing against people that like safe sex with many people and so on.

I don't want to hurt everyone I care about. I would vomit at the thought of beating up my parents or friends. I only desire to hurt those I find hot. Be well.

So wow... I am interested in all you are discussing. I am a psychologist. I have fallen in love with someone who has sadistic tendancies for sure. I have several questions how old were you when you realized you felt like this? Did something happen to you that caused these feelings? Are you only into causing the pain? When is your birthday and where were you born? I study astrology so doing your chart analyses would potentially be reveiling for certain things if you allow me.

Sure. I want people to know that I'm not a super-villain that wants to destroy the world! I simply got this quirk in my sexuality. My dad said I bit him when I was 2 but what baby doesn't bite? Must have been testing teeth. I don't remember this! I was 4 or 5 when I beat into a boy with a toy sword and a playgroup worker pulled me off. That might not have too much to do with sadism, since I don't thinks young kids know what they're doing exactly. When I was 6 I thought about stabbing some of my classmates to death. It was more intense by the time I was 8. In hindsight I loved these thoughts. I didn't do it because I knew very well it was wrong. You gotta keep in mind I lived within say 2 miles of a dangerous prison! I wanted to be a 'good' person. Yes, much conflict. I saw a woman bleed to death when I was 8 and felt terrible I didn't know how to help and wondered if people didn't care. Also my world was never the same again after we got sex ed at age 8. It shocked me. I blocked it out for a long time. I reckon most sadists enjoy sex as well as inflicting pain. I love the latter and I am unsure about the former. I'm not asexual though. I got into a lot of playfights (we always made up and no serious injuries at least!) in my childhood and that stopped when I went to high school at age 11. I was extremely withdrawn during high school due to bullying. I learned what sadomasochism was when I was 15. I have no criminal convictions but I did go off the walls a little during my late teen years! Recently I've been quite peaceful. I didn't truly find myself as a well-adjusted person until I hit 20. The sadism was more easy to accept than my bisexuality. I came out of my shell in college at 16. I think I was born sadistic and some events just made it more powerful. I don't like feeling pain, although I am willing to endure a bit for a person that gains my respect, trust, and love, really for the submissive aspect. I'll message you with my birthday.

Hi, I've had a sexual encounter with a man who through previous days seemed very caring and respectful and loving. Yet on our first day he was very rough with me, he bit me and also ********** on me including face and hair. This all happened on our very first sexual encounter.

Is this sadistic behaviour? Does this mean he has even more sadistic traits which could be hidden?

I had previously told him that I am still waiting to get out of an abusive relationship and that I still have "open wounds" from this previous abuse. I kinda expected that he would be extra careful with me.

I only came across sadism today so am not sure if this is what this guy was all about. He is 38 years old and according to what he said he hasnt had a sexual encouter for the past say 8 years or so.

What is your point of view, being a sadist yourself?

Appreciate your reply. Thanks in advance

Hi! A sadist can vary as much as anyone else. You should be setting clear boundaries. Maybe you were too scared to tell him to stop. This might be sexual assault? I'm sorry to hear about your experience. A decent sadist wouldn't act like an idiot. They'd be inflicting pain on a consenting partner. I cannot stress this enough. Safe sane and consensual. Also; risk aware consensual kink. From what you've told me; you met a loser. He shouldn't be forcing his mockery of sm on someone who doesn't enjoy it. It doesn't really matter if he is a sadist or not... I advise you to stay the hell away from this guy.

His actions imply a lack of respect. That's probably not sadism. He's extremely insensitive and perhaps has a sense of entitlement. Very childish. 8 years of no sex isn't an excuse. I wonder if this guy has even held down a relationship before. Maybe he objectifies women. The worst case scenario is you found a dangerous sociopath. They can seem real nice at first but they're gonna use you up.

Anyway, if you haven't already and you find the time; you might want to learn a martial art. If guns are legal where you live... that's another option. Learn to use it. You need to feel safe. You have a right to defend yourself. Be safe.

Thank you so much for your reply!! Means so much to me!!

From what he told me he had been married for a couple of years but his wife and her mum kicked him out and wouldnt even allow his daughter to see him. He blamed this on his ex mum in law but now after this experience im starting to think there is much more to the story and it could be that he acted in the same way with his wife at that time.

I couldnt even find the words to ask him to stop at the time...I was kinda shocked yet went through with it all...it is only after reflecting on his actions, facial features at the time and so on that got me to search and find out about this.

Previously he was all romantic...so it came as a shock to me because such behaviour wasnt romantic at all in my opinion.

Once again thank you so much for your reply because it helped clear up a lot of doubts. I cant thank you enough!

I am a bit confused as to what I am exactly I know I enjoy inflicting physical pain and seeing other in pain also the sight of gore and feeling blood on my hands/body however am I still a sadist if I submit to only my fiance?

Yes. People can know they're gay without screwing the same gender. If you have the sadistic urges... yep. It doesn't matter if you only unleash the beast on one person! Be safe.

Okie thanks for replying and mind if i msg you ya know just to talk nd stuff?

I may not respond often but feel free. I'm a fairly easy-going guy.

I'm the most sadistic sadist there is.

I've been wondering for a long time now whether I may be sadistic or not. I've always liked to see and imagine favourite fictional characters and occasionally real people I find to be attractive get hurt or suffer. This started as far back as when I was 9 if I remember correctly. More recently I came to the realization that seeing these things might be turning me on - I think I feel pleasure... down there. Sometimes I'd get wet. I've looked at some p*rn out of curiosity and only found the hardcore and usually BDSM ones to be of any interest. Watching gory stuff seems to make me smile or giggle. I haven't had sex yet, though (I'm female and in my late teens), so I have no idea if all this would extend to my sex life. I won't lie that I'm a bit worried about it - what would my partner think if he finds out I have such tastes? As I understand, female sadists are rarer, right? I guess I just want someone to talk with, as this isn't something I'm prepared to discuss with people I know.

If you're wanting to be the one inflicting pain, yes, you are a sadist. Since 9? I doubt it'll go away anytime soon! When I was a kid I thought everyone had these thoughts, I didn't realise it was sexual until my teenage years.

Your partner could think anything. Unfortunately it ain't everyone's cup of tea. You gotta decide how important sadism is for you. Test the water. Now if he were to discover your tastes, explain it to him, since some people have the wrong idea about sadists. He should at least listen.

Female sadists are less well known. There are many theories that attempt to explain this.

First off, thanks for the reply, because I wasn't sure if you were still around any more. It's really great to have someone experienced to talk to.

That's the thing I'm not sure of - I definitely like to see people in pain but I don't know if I want to be the one inflicting it. I'm quite sure that it turns me on. Does that still make me sadistic? It might have to do with my personality, though, because I don't have a lot of self-esteem nor self-confidence. Are there typical personality traits that sexual sadists tend to have, as in everyday life, or can there be a gap between their normal personalities and what they're like during sexual activity? I'm not a domineering person at all, but I wouldn't know if I'd be different in bed since seeing pain really does get me aroused.

I think I'd like to figure out if I really am sadistic before thinking about future relationships and such, because after reading about sadism I sometimes think I don't fit perfectly with the descriptions.

A sadist enjoys both watching and inflicting pain. If a person only enjoys watching... it could be novelty? It's pretty common for people to look at terrible accidents because they're curious. However, you've had these thoughts for a long time, so it's unlikely to be novelty. Do you feel apathetic to the world? Sorry for the strange question.

It is impossible to know exactly how you'll react until you're placed in the situation. You can only make an educated guess.

When you are watching videos it is easy to disconnect. It is extremely safe. You aren't involved, you are completely relaxed. It's a bit like enjoying a good horror movie. When you are ******* around with a knife (or anything else) you must be responsible, vigilant, and of course able to handle it emotionally.

Typical traits that a sexual sadist has in everyday life? Almost indistinguishable from other people. Yes there can be a gap, it really depends on the sadist, but most I reckon seem like 'normal' people on the surface. I'm pretty quiet usually, and I doubt most people know I'm sadistic. One thing I've noticed is I CAN'T STOP my responses, I get excited, even when it isn't socially accepted. I read tons of books on Serial Killers, I love the descriptions of how they torture and kill people. Killing is bad, duh, and I'm all for world peace... but I can't help my reactions! I can't read them as a 'normal' person would. A lot of my interests could be linked to sadism. If you experiment with sadism and find that you enjoy inflicting pain, do be aware it is difficult to stop, you need some serious self-control.

When you are watching your videos, do you get excited when there is only violence and no sex? Do you get excited at the thought of non-consenting violence? Ultimately only you know the answer, these are some question to think about for yourself.

Oh, wow. I hadn't realized so much time passed since you again gave me a great reply, I feel terrible for leaving you hanging and hope you're still around because your posts are so insightful and truthful. It's been almost a year and I've still been thinking about what we talked about here, I haven't changed a whole lot, heh.

I can completely relate to your interest in serial killers and violence, even more so these days than when I last posted here. I'm not really a gorehound or a fan of torture **** but I can stomach a fair amount of violence and I usually do enjoy it to some extent as I mentioned. To answer your question, I don't think it's the unconsensual part that arouses me but more the violence and pain itself? Sex is kind of secondary for me in videos and things, for instance I'd rewach scenes of a movie in which someone gets hurt over and over again and feel excited, even if there's no sex involved.

Recently I started trying to ********** and found that I only seem to get off to weird and sadistic fantasies as opposed to, say, the kind of things in 'regular' p*rn. As for your question about apathy, I don't think I'm too out of the ordinary, but occasionally I do think 'why am I not feeling bad for

I get that completely, like, for example, this one time a trash truck almost hit me, and it was beeping really loud.

There are lots of girl sadists there are plenty of rich businessmen who pay out lots of money to be dominated by their favorite dominatrix after closing a big deal, especially in Japan.

I agree with you.

yes he likes to ride horses

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I hope u can help me. I am a masochist I have to have pain, humiliation, public and well u get the idea, just to get excited. I have been trying to get my husband to be come a sadist for years! I can get gentle stuff when were a drunk but it's hard he's to scared he's gonna hurt me. Is there anyway to get him to become a sadist? 2 years ago i talked him into swinging so i could get what i wanted, but he hated having other people... i tell him some of my fantasies and he's tried some stuff but he just doesn't get it... I don't know what to do is there anything u can recommend? I've bought s&m videos... i want more then anything to bring a girl home to watch him with and dominate her... most of want is need is legal I just don't think he understands how much i need this! Please help... how do i turn him sadistic? (For lack of a better word)

If he ain't interested - you can't change him. Does he want to be sadistic? Does he have an aversion to inflicting pain? He has never done or talked about sm before you asked for it? Most people are confused as hell about hurting their partners. It is good in a way that he has this much concern for you, but he needs to stop worrying that much. You can handle pain and you need it, you told him that? If he wants to try this but he is often scared, he needs to gain confidence. This could happen in many ways, I am not sure in what way(s) your husband requires it. You've done the right thing by starting easy (and short), and I would add it'd be cool if your husband reads more about safety to settle his mind. If you work together with him to create solutions to the emergencies that could arise, it'll help. Being prepared puts people at ease.
Are the s&amp;m videos realistic or not? Did he watch them? That might've frightened him. Your husband may have the wrong preconceptions about sm.
If he ain't into including other people, nothing can change that.

The videos I've watched with him r more like main stream kinda thing like vivid... I've told him the kind of stuff i like well most anyways... i guess whats frustrating is I want it with out having to tell him what to do... when we met he was one of those slow and soft kinda guy... he's defiantly come a ways from that! I am very into the rape kinda stuff when we were swinging I talked to him about sending someone over without me knowing and well you get it... as far as him he a is very defensive guy not very confident in him self, which I don't understand cause he has no reason to be that way... so will i pretty much have to live my life without it or find a secret
sadist which i really don't wanna do either :-(

I'm a sadist it's not something you can turn someone into beyond the point of childhood trauma or other circumstances that make the pain of others sexually arousal to you I believe some of us are born this way and some I made by circumstance

Uh huh and he watched seven Andre de las Tabos movies too.

I want you to understand all possibilities here.

What exactly do you mean by that?

Touching her with violence.

With the German killdren?

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I have a question if you don't mind. Do you like to hurt people for the sexual release or is it just the enjoyment of hurting others? I'm a masochist, but I'm always having trouble finding someone who accepts it and may even exceed just acceptance and give me what I want... Thank you for your time.

It's okay! It's the sexual release. I could write an entire damn essay on why it feels good. I had to think about that question for a while because initially both 'choices' seemed true lol. I only get off by inflicting pain and feeling blood in my hands. Nothing else works. This is my idea of expressing love and I'm pretty peaceful.

You'd be surprised at how many people are into sm. It ain't something that is easy to break to people. You have to decide how important sm is to you and weigh up the pros and cons. Good luck.

Thanks! :)

UH UH THEY DON'T DO IT LIKE THAT

I would like to talk if thats ok I don't have anyone elts to talk to about this

Alrighty, no problem! I sent ya a PM.

I think I'm starting to have the same feelings I've ben reading allot about b.t.k I'm sure u kno who I mean I've also ben watching allot of bondage type **** how do I kno if I should take the next step?

Do you mind if we talk? I'm incredibly confused about myself and I just feel like you're someone who would know how to help me. Please contact me, thank you sincerely

Be my guest. My advise isn't always infallible, but I can try. I sent you a PM.

I admire my handiwork and make certain I haven't done permanent harm. If you look after a person; they'll last longer, just like car maintenance :)<br />
Well if you're thinking of anime shota, I've liked them as young as 11. If I did what you said, I'd feel quite neutral. It'd be so much better to stab them. Real kids are off limits to me though, I've never known one that I've been attracted to. The age of an adult here is 16 or over.<br />
Plenty people have called me a psychopath and I think that's the result of popular entertainment. I know how it feels to be judged lol.

after the experience and if you are still around the person how do you treat them then? My second question is perhaps difficult to ask what does the thought of sodomy done to a boy who does not want it done. pick any age boy 10 12 14 15 force him to ****. watch him cry and plead. Is that a turn on or a turn off. slap him and give it to him no matter what he says your opinion thanks

I detest the media portrayal of S&M; you're either a serial killer or into really tame crap. I have nothing against the tame side of things, however as you said; it gives people the wrong expectations. I see you dislike Rihanna's idea of it; I agree... she did not do the research. This happens everywhere and it ****** off people that know more about it. Here's an interesting link http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DidNotDoTheResearch<br />
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"im finding it even more difficult than before to accurately set someone (girl at the bar)'s expectations, about where this night may end up if she leaves with me." I can relate somewhat. One of my exes was scared away by my desires. I was surprised because she seemed a bit kinky, biting me and all. I am pansexual, yet I don't find naked bodies exciting. There needs to be begging, blood, bruises, crying, screaming, pain etc and I'm the cause of it... otherwise I'd be as well falling asleep!<br />
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My pals will say they wanna copulate with this or that hot woman, and they don't understand my wanting to beat up said woman. As for the internet, I can't relate to ASPD, but sometimes they post interesting threads about violent urges there http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/

this was the first thing i wrote on this site, after writing it, i wrote more stories, thing i have never told anyone. it was freeing.<br />
freeing so much so, that i sent a mass email to all of my current friends explaining in great detail, what i am. what that entails, and letting them know i appreciate their friend ship, but if they cannot accept it, it would be best for them to remove me from their social network.<br />
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noon flipped out. and alot of questions were raised lol. it would seem from the last bad experience i had, i had been mentally forming a mountain out of a mole hill.<br />
this site is fantastic. so glad i found it.<br />
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i agree that from when i was in high school until now, its become much more accepted as a lifestyle. but i think its become accepted in the wrong fashion.<br />
all these pop stars are making music about bdsm, but they aren't giving it an honest portrayal.<br />
its not all giant silk scarf bondage and soft giant feathers, infact like a VERY small portion of it is that tame.<br />
and because its more widely accepted now as that sort of soft core taboo, a im finding it even more difficult than before to accurately set someone (girl at the bar)'s expectations, about where this night may end up if she leaves with me.<br />
and in this size of town. all it takes is one girl to call rape, and a few bruises to back it up, and you got 15 really bored cops after your blood.<br />
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its not like that scares me, more than anything it ****** me off.<br />
and i love your analogy about making "sex illegal, and see how they like it.<br />
its ridiculous, they really have no idea the amount of self control it takes, to do the things they consider normal, like going to a ***** club. i dont know about you, but just the naked form of a woman, doesn't turn me on. until some pain and restraining come into the picture, its just frustrating as all hell.<br />
like sitting a dog in front of a stage full of squirrels, and telling him he has to imagine there's a giant fence between them.

The stigma for me is that the law doesn't recognise the ability to consent to bodily harm. They are hardly gonna catch and arrest such cases, but the mere fact that my desires = illegal... it ****** me off. I'm not a criminal. If anything, I have to hold back on my desires more than people who like sex. How would they like it if sex were illegal?<br />
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I knew what I was before age 10, I simply didn't know it had a name, and I thought it was normal. High school was when I became seriously confused. It seemed as if almost everyone was crazy about this whole sex thing and I simply couldn't relate. I thought that once I tried it, I'd be converted. Alas, I did not change.<br />
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I tell people early on, and if they don't like it; tough. People do seem to be becoming more accepting though, I think it is gonna get a lot better. 'Alternative' lifestyles like LGBT = almost fully accepted in my country. Only a few people tend to disagree, and mostly it is because they are scared of the unknown.

i am also a sadist. i cannot remember once in my life ever being turned on by anything that didn't at the very least involve tight bondage.<br />
i just got through reading all your comments and reply's and i have to admit at this point i cant remember how i found this page to begin with.<br />
i have known a few other sadists in my life, and like them, you and myself. i have found that the vast majority of us, use logic and reason as an emotional shield.<br />
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well i know i do at least, i didn't mean to try and tell you your own personality.<br />
but i said that more as a preface, i do have a legitimate question, i would like to pose to you.<br />
<br />
when i was younger, about 16-18, i was extremely confused about my sexual preference, as there was next to no information about it, everyone was either strait gay, those were the only 2 sexual options. which i admit made me very furious. i was lucky enough to find a chat room, with about 10 regular users, some as old as 70. simply hanging around to provide info, and probably prevented me from going out and doing something i would regret now.<br />
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the problem is, these people have slowly vanished from my life, and it is much harder to try and talk to your friends about things. than people you will never meet over the internet.<br />
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which brings me to the actual question, how do you address the stigma associated with being a sadist, i tried being my honest self once, and was just blunt about it with a few "good friends" and from that moment, they haven't spoken to me in 10 years, it seems like serial killer/rapist documentaries have ingrained a fear in people about my lifestyle.<br />
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i have a good solid group i friends that i really enjoy spending time with, but its starting to come to the point where all of the things i wont talk about are making them suspect im hiding something from them. which makes them even more curious. i despise liars, but i dont want to be honest if im going to scare people i care about away. such a catch 22.<br />
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i would love to hear your insight on the mater, you seem intelligent and socially well adjusted for the most part.

I totally understand. I love seeing the fear in my wife's eyes when I'm whispering to her the bad things I'm going to do to her **** and ****, while I'm fingering her *****. I rarely go through with them, but once in a while I will do just enough to keep her guessing and worried the next time.<br />
The other night I got her super horny then told her I needed her consent to do whatever I wanted to her. It was a fantastic night. I also tell her things in order to make her worry that some time I might just snap and follow through with all the things I've threatened to do to her. Who knows, maybe sometime I will.

To me you are brave! to be so honest and open to a complete stranger, is truly amazing. I dont know you, but you seem cool so far, and if your not happy about how things are going for you why not try and change them? Life is hard for everyone it seems, just in different ways. the thing that makes us different is how we deal with the situation that faces us. I am a hypocrite in a way too, because i give advice that i cant manage to follow myself even though i think its good advice. so take everything i say as just that, my thoughts and ideas. lol where did i tell you about my bad spelling?

Naww, I hate myself, very, very much. I'm 19 and still I'm childish :/ I'm a hypocrite. I'm not gonna go kill myself, but I don't ever foresee accepting myself. I just pretend I'm emotionless. Behind that facade, I'm very, very sensitive. I'm not a tall guy, but my friends are a little scared of me. I don't like it being that way but I don't know any better. If one of them gives me an insult, I pretend it doesn't hurt me, I make them feel like I'm impossible to hit. But secretly I'll cry about that nasty word I was called, when I'm alone. I don't like anyone to see me cry. I can be more honest on EP, it's confusing! When I feel really down about a silly word, what helps me to feel better is thinking... "could they survive one day as me?" xD I'm not saying my life is hard, I just have some battles "in my head" that I'd love to see them fight.<br />
Your spelling is very good btw, you must've worked on it a lot. Now I am rambling xD

I read all of the posts on this story, and sadist or not, I can see that you have a heart, and it's a good one. I hate reading about people hating themselves and inner battles because I know what it's like all too well...
Please know that no matter what anyone says, (even if it's you saying it) that you are never worthless. &lt;3