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I Am A Massage Therapist. Ask Me Anything.

I worked in the field in New York State from 2001 - 2011.

 F.P.A.Q. : Frequently Privately Asked Questions.

I receive a LOT of questions in my mail that would be really helpful for y'all, but I realise that sometimes a question just feels to sensitive or silly or embarassing to post publicly as a comment.  I've scrubbed these questions and made sure they aren't revealing in any way, and I'll continue editing this post to reflect the answer that seem relevant.  Keep the questions coming, even privately!  No questions have been reproduced here without the permission of the original asker.  

Q.    My girlfriend is scheduled for a spa service.  She has decided to go fully nude and the attendant is male. From your own experience how likely is he to see her fully nude/breasts/vagina?  On a side note the place I go for my massages (rmt) allows me to go fully nude without draping and it is very professional. Just great to be able to relax nude without towels and sheets moving.

A.  Some of you have asked this question with fear and great nervousness, hoping that no one will ever, ever, ever see any more of you than the palms of your hands and the soles of your feet.  Others have been hoping for some excitement, wondering if there will be stories to be told when your partner comes home.  It's true that massage combines pleasure and medicine in a way that can make some people very unsure.  

For those of you who are hoping for misbehaviour, I have to deflate your illusions just a little.  The fact is that an ethical and responsible therapist, properly trained, is just not that interested in seeing your nudity.  When we are looking, it's fairly clinical.  The skin is an organ like all the others, and offers a great deal of information on what's going on inside you from an evaluative perspective.  It's true that there are some places where nudity without draping is allowable or even encouraged.  I never worked in one of those places, and to be honest, I'm sort of glad:  Keeping a massage room warm enough for the client to be nude makes it awfully hot for the (fully clothed) therapist slaving away over your body!  In private practice, I have worked with clients in a lot less draping than I would in a spa setting, so it's not about skittishness.  There is an issue of control, though.  Should a confused receptionist or overzealous manager accidentally open the door, you'll be much more thankful for that sheet.

For those of you who are hoping to remain as hidden as possible, please know that your therapist is looking for YOUR comfort, not theirs.  It's not about us.  So if you want to be fully clothed the entire time, we may suggest some bodywork in the areas of shiatsu, Thai massage, or Reiki.  If you're comfortable being on the table in underwear or in panties and socks or if you want to wear a hat, just say so.  We'll work with you.  The idea is to access the muscles efficiently, not to take voyeuristic advantage of your nakedness.

Q.   My significant other and I like to give each other massages, and we would like to hire a massage therapist to give us a lesson or two (so we can get better at it). Do you have any suggestions for how we can find someone to do this? 

A.   I have never given a " lesson " the way you're describing, not for money. I have coached friends informally. I can't think of any reason not to do it; it just hasn't come up. My guess for the sake of both safety and everyone's comfort would be that you should ask around for a therapist who teaches. This is obviously easier if you live near one of the schools, but don't go thinking that just because your town isn't renowned for massage like Sedona or Phoenix that there ISn't a school. There might be. Start at the top, because it sounds like you're looking for genuinely professional advice: Ask at the local community college, check with your chiropractor. At the other end of the spectrum ( but still respectable ) have a look at your local free press newspaper. The schools often advertise there. Having found someone who teaches, even if they don't practice regularly they may be interested. Also you may be eligible for some of the continuing education courses offered for massage therapy graduates. Not all of them have prerequisites, but of course, call ahead for information. 

Q.  What are your favorite parts of the male anatomy? You said "My personal preference runs toward the weekend warrior dads. I do my best work on guys who aren't too 'ripped' but do actually use their bodies as tools." What body parts are you 'into' ?

A.  It depends what kind of work he typically does. I like forearms and hands... they are sort of unexpected places to spend a lot of time, but they can offer a lot of relief. People don't usually realise how much tension they carry in their hands, and when that's been worked out well, people find they relax a lot. Guys who drive for a living appreciate work to the hamstrings and calves; driving is sitting with enforced muscle tension. The base of the skull gets a lot of attention, and the muscles in the scalp... very helpful for the worriers. 

Ah, but if you're asking a much more personal question, I love working a nice abdomen .  Not too cut, not too swollen ?  Stretching hip bones away from ribs is fantastic.  For my own (sadistic?) pleasure, I guess I like touching lower backs, upper thighs... I'm a fan of places where the blood comes up to the surface.  So ...  backs of knees, edges of armpits. But that's really more masochistic than sadistic.  Because it's me that 's being tortured.  They feel great and have no idea what's going on in my ... erm..  head.  not pants.  I was not going to say pants.

Q.   How much can a perceptive massage therapist tell about a guy's 'equipment' when he's draped under a sheet and blanket (pulled out 'flat' for instance, not 'bunched'). If the draping is a sheet only, can you tell more, and how much more?

A.    Everything. We know everything. Just stop trying to hide and it will all go much easier. Okay, seriously: it really is a lot. If you're under a sheet and a blanket together, you can hide a little, but we're going to have to move the blanket eventually. Don't think it changes anything to wear underwear either. Go by what your therapist requests: me personally, I tell my clients I prefer them as naked as possible. It's just easier for me to drape them than to try to work around elastic and seams.. but then I'm very professional about how I describe the process, and I don't seem to leave them feeling insecure. The relevant thing about our knowing as much as we know is .. well, not to spoil anything for you, but we rarely care. Not don't care as in we're callous and disregarding you, just... we see an awful lot of them. And we're not working ON them, just... around them, so.. it's pretty matter -of -fact. If there's one that's particularly odd, I'll admit we may smirk, but likely only when you cant see us.

RascallyRabbit RascallyRabbit 31-35, F 242 Responses Mar 12, 2011

Your Response


I just went for a much needed massage. I do usually like male massage but I was convinced it would be okay. half way in I felt what I believe was his hands on my back and near my hands was what I though was an erect penis. I was scared confused and shocked so I just discretely move my hand. I still am not sure I was so scared. I think he kept waving it around but I cant be sure. So weird. Never ever getting a male again. I don't want a man touching my naked body thinking about sex. its too risky.

I just joined this to get some advice...another perspective.

I am 52, like massages, and keep in good shape doing triathlons. Hence one of the reasons I get massages.

So...I go to a resort with my wife and she schedules massages for us. She is first, then me.

I meet at the appointed time and meet the therapist and go to disrobe and get in the sheets. I am there and my phone rings so I go to shut it off. The therapist walks in and I am naked. No big deal for either of us.

Later in the massage I said something to the fact of her seeing me naked and she said I just mooned her.

We discuss that I don't like quite as deep a massage as my wife. Later she says"you like it deep". To which I respond then "don't most people?". She responds that "mostly women like it deep". I say I'm not going to touch that. It gets me wondering.

Later she does my feet and says "look at those long toes". I respond that I was a decent athlete because I have very long fingers as well. She later says my hands are big.

Later she reaches over to stretch my back and my upturned hand is right on her crotch. A finger or two is touching her inner thigh and touching her vaginal area. I froze and my mind started racing. I barely moved my fingers and she did not move for a minute or two. Nothing was said.

By this time I am trembling with excitement and nervousness. I ask if she can feel me trembling and eventually she does. I told her I had worked out before the massage. She said I thought you were trembling because of me. I agreed that could be it.

She wraps up and says"are there any areas I missed?". I am speechless and she knows it.

She goes out and brings me water. Does not give me enough time to put my clothes on, 30 seconds tops. I sit up to drink the water and she puts a wrap around my back and massages a few places there while I have only the sheet on and am sitting up. She comes around to the front to do a few things to my neck and is eight inches from my face with a big smile on hers. I look at her and give a big smile. She hugs me and we conclude.

After I dress, I tell her I missed a great opportunity and I will be sorry. She just smiles and we hug.

I think she was coming on to me and I was liking it. What do you think of it? Thanks!

I received a massage the other day, and was completely nude (my choice). During the massage, the attractive lady started rubbing near my nether-regions, and I popped a full-born Woodrow. I'm just very sensitive when anyone gets around that area... I was tempted to reach out and grab her but, but resisted the temptation. She was very professional, so even though I was slightly turned on by the experience, she didn't change in her demeanor, so I took this that she was not interested in me grabbing her butt or my full-born Woodrow.

My question is - should I return for another massage and try some grab-***, or should I just leave things at a professional level? Could she sue me if I grabbed her butt? And should I raise my pelvis when she is in my nether-regions, encouraging a nice penis massage?

Thank you for your response.

At my last massage I had a 90 minute one. She was also a physical therapist. Besides the massage it included some stretching and rotation of the joints. Though that was expected, it was appreciated and added to the massage. This time I also had the chest muscles and abdomen massaged as well. While on my back, she did my shoulders, back, and also half of my buttocks. During this time the sheet pretty much fell off me and since she already had seen everything I told her not to worry. By not having to worry about the sheet and it's placement she was able to concentrate on just the massage and stretching. As great as it felt being totally naked and massaged, I didn't get aroused as I was just concentrating on the comfort and relaxation from the massage. If I can get another deal on the 90 minute massage I'm going back again.

This is great, thank you for sharing.

where can i get a high quality penis massage?

Can I get arrested in NY as a phone appointment setter for a masseuse who works naked but doesn't engage in sex acts or "full-service"?

Add a response...

Hi I was just wondering if a masseuse can tell whether or not the client is a virgin by simply giving her a body massage. Is it possible for a masseuse to know that I'm not a virgin?

Well done. Your clients are/were lucky to have been on your table. Thank you for sharing.

Will the massuese see my penis if I get an undraped massage?

Its more comfortable as long you respect her boundaries

Hi, I have a weekly Shiatsu style energy massage where I wear shorts and T shirt. My female therapist is about 60 years of age and I have been a client of hers for some years. I would like to ask her if I could disrobe during the massage as I recently had a naturist massage with another masseuse which I found to be preferable to wearing clothing.
I have no selfish intentions to my Shiatsu therapist but I just wonder how I might ask her or indeed if I shouldn't. Can you advise ?

hi.i'am a sharp looking 40 year old male,i currently started messing around with hot 22 year old girl,so we have like these passion kissing moments but that's all for now. the other day she gave me a wonderful massage on my back it was so good that i wet my underwear and it zip thru my shorts she notice it at the end of the massage and told me,i was so embarrassed. i was wondering if she may be repulse by it? or actually turn on by it?

I am turning 15 years old tomorrow and my mom got me a massage as a gift. I've had plenty of them before and being nude does not bother me, but recently my depression got bad and I started cutting again. (I am in therapy and on medication. My mom knows I self harm too, but she gets so mad every time she finds out I've relapsed.) I have cuts covering my stomach and I can't say that they are from an animal because, well, animals can't write 'Help Me' into your skin. How do I explain to the masseuse where the cuts came from without her telling my mom and ruining my birthday? Is it allowed for them to ask me where they came from?

Hey, so I'm actually in the exact same place (except psychiatrist for genetically passed conditions and psychologist for depression) um anyway I've run into the same thing trying to hide my stomach and thighs but It's not their position because they aren't in a legally bound situation to say anything to your parents. And if they ask, its a moral thing but so is your choice to say id rather not say, or strike a conversation. Tell them you know, you do cut but go with the whole yes but I'm in therapy and meds and everything too. And then maybe about how your parents know and they're supportive etc. Then they'll feel like oh I dont need to say anything her parents know. Be very casual about it. Hope it helps <3

I live in a small town so there are not spa quality massage therapists. I often go on vacation and always treat myself to a massage. This last time I really enjoyed the therapist I had. I knew the name and tried to google for a linkedin profile but was unsuccessful. Contacting on Facebook seems very unprofessional but that was the only profile that came up. I would like to be sure to locate the therapist when I return in case they are no longer at the spa I was last at. As I only go 2-3 times per year but it is always disappointing when the massage isn't great. Is there any other way you suggest to locate or contact therapists? I should've asked before I left! However now I just don't want to make it weird. Thanks for your advice.

Add a response...

Hi I am a massaje therapist and in my salon the client is naked. The massage is sensual because it is very slow and flowing like lomi lomi but Spanish style and exotic because the therapists are all from different countries and are very beautyful and very attractive. I have been looked strangely due to this but I stand my ground it is completely a non sexual service and I energy healing on my clients But my partner doesn't like when I massage them ontop when they are face down I do this coz when massaging them standing you must stretch the arms and it can start to get quite painful so I have more strength when I'm ontop in your expertise do you see this wrong would like your opinion thanx


No, I don't see anything wrong in getting on top of the client. Maximising your body mechanics to create longevity in your practice and to give the most effective massage is just good business practice... But I can certainly understand where your partner is coming from. Especially if your client is naked, it's very important to have clear boundaries and to be extremely specific if the work you do is non-sexual. To be honest, though, I wonder why your partner even knows that that is a technique you use. Not that you ought to hide it, but if it's genuinely something that is a matter-of-fact tool in your metaphorical toolbox, then it probably shouldn't be worth bringing up. Now that it's a topic, though, you really can't just shut it down. You might want to ask your partner what specifically disturbs him/er about it, because perhaps it's not what you think.

Hi thankyou for your reply,
My husbands disturbed with being ontop of the client when massaging him because he is fully naked and massaging him from the front even though I do not get close or touch his private areas he believes that due to the clients penis erected it can touch my body whilst on top... IN MY OPINION it was much easier for me to massage the way I massaged before ontop and I ALWAYS make sure the client knows it's a non sexual service

I Forgot To Add One More Thing... I believe if your a therapist professional you see a client as a client and it's just another body but in saying that I do not allow a client to touch my breasts or any part of my body while massaging them its respect to me and also it's putting a boundary between the client and myself. letting a client or a masseur touch is something else and leads to something else coz you have crossed the boundaries If a male massuer massages a female clients breast it's the same as a female massuer massaging a males private areas and if you are married or in a relationship this wrong and disrespectful to your partner You might aswell be single coz there's no respect between the both of you. I have relationship of honesty we tell each other everything so I don't hide anything from him I tell him exactly how the massage is performed so there's no doubts

My wife goes to a male therapist, that doesn't bother me at all. The other day she asked me about some sitting issues she has, something I have known about for years, since she spends a lot of time on a bicycle. I have even rubbed her fanny out for her, probably hundreds of times now.
What she wanted to know if it was all right with me if Hal, the person she sees could work that area out for her? She didn't want me to not be aware or take a chance of my being upset.
I told her it should be OK if she was OK with it, but after the fact I had second thoughts. Now I am curious, since the area is going to be EXTREMELY personal, some male I barely know will have his hands down THERE? We are talking about the Perineum, the pelvic floor muscles?
I thought about telling her no but then at the last couple of sessions she told me he did and it really helped? She is 44 and athletic, attractive, But I doubt Hal who is perhaps 30 is interested in her that way and likely really is just trying to help. He also massages her bust, she asked me for permission for that, also and it was NBD.
She did say that to do the work he undraped her completely and that does bug me a little bit. My wife has always been very open and honest with me, so that part is good. She knows I write naughty stories for fun, and as a result we usually can talk about anything. But my concern over this happening, and me not being there or even knowing for sure bothers me.
What do I do or say without sounding stupid or putitanistic?


I want to be unprofessional and say that I simply love that you want to support your wife and not sound stupid or puritanical, but ...hunh... i just did, didn't i? Let me resume my professional face.

I think you're going to have to rely on the trust and open communication you've already established with your wife and believe that you will not sound stupid (or that if you do she'll forgive it). As to sounding puritanical, I think you probably crossed that bridge and burned it behind you when you realised that it was genuinely helping her and were happy for her holistic health.

You're right that most likely Hal is not interested in her in "that way" because doing that kind of work requires a lot of focus and is not actually very sexual for the therapist. It's actually quite difficult and can even be painful to provide.
You're definitely going to have to do some introspection, as uncomfortable as that might be. But I will throw one idea in your general direction: when I work on children, I encourage the parent or guardian to take a seat in the room, and there is often an ongoing dialogue between my client (the child), the adult in the chair, and myself. If you can't seem to get past your discomfort or the fear or whatever else it is that's going on for you, maybe it's worth asking them if they'd be willing to let you sit in on a session. Actually seeing what it's like may take some of the mystical pseudosexual undertones out of your head.

So for sometime now I've been visiting an asian massage centre. This is a very legit place by the way. When I enter the room I always get asked to undress and cover myself with a drape. As soon as the masseuse enters however, the first thing she does is undrape me. And I have to admit that laying there on the table butt naked is a turn on. Anyway, she'd usually start off by rubbing my back, and work to the rest of my body. The best part is when she focuses on my buttocks due to the fact that it would usually cause me to climax. I don't react when I climax, and the masseuse never notices. Is this normal to climax when getting a buttocks massage? Or am I just too sensitive? Anyway I always get asked to turnover, and I always say I prefer to remain in this position, as I'm embarrassed to expose my erection. I do feel sometimes that I offend the masseuse when I prefer to not turn over. The reality is I'd really like to, but i'm just a little too embarrassed. Do you have similar experiences with clients climaxing, do you ever notice? (p.s. I now bring a sock so I don't leave a mess on the table like the first time). The staff there are very friendly and I get along quiet well, I don't think they know of about my climaxing, or they could just be pretending.


it's a little hard to answer if i've ever not known about someone climaxing, as i wouldn't know i didn't... but i'd say it's pretty hard not to know. It's much more likely they're pretending ... or that they just don't see as it's anything to make a big deal of. it's considerate of you to bring a sock, though I'm surprised the spa doesn't provide towels for you. It's not "too" sensitive of you to have a strong reaction to touch! If it's unusual, so are plenty of other sexual proclivities.

Hi I am currently 17 and will turn 18 in late June. I do a ton of running (about 10 miles a day) and some days I'm sore in my legs near my groin and thighs and on my back. and was wondering if there are age limits and if it is different for every state? Also would I need parent permission? Would I have to be covered? I'm very shy but after reading the above questions I could definitely get rid of the drape for a better experience and more relaxation. Also I am 5'10" and about 110lbs. Is it more difficult to massage people that are bony? And are massages easier to give when the client is shaven?

Hi. I'm a guy and my Nighbor (also a guy) once gave me a mini massage for a few seconds. Today he calls me if I remember that massage he gave me, I said yes then he says he wants to come over and give me a normal massage. I really don't have a lot in common with that Nighbor and it was kind of funny that he called me. Is it possible that he really wants to only massage me? Or there will come out sexual activity? Basically, is it possible not to have sexual activity?

Is it possible not to have sexual activity? Yes. If you say no, there won't be any. If you're asking what your neighbour (?) is intending, I think he's the one you'd have to ask. If no money is involved, then really it's just a question of what you (and he) want or are willing to allow.

Whould u massage the penis

Not for money. Massaging the genital areas is illegal in the state in which i practiced.

My fiance's mom is my massage therapist. Ive always been worried about getting overly aroused while getting a massage. Im comfortable with full nudity even with her but Im not sure if she would be ok with it. My question is, if I wanted to ask her about a possible non draped session, how would I do that without sending her the wrong signal? What could I say to her to let her know that it isnt for an inappropriate reason and that its an innocent request?

This is a bit of a tough question, 2332. I've no wish to imply that you want anything other than what you've said, but why, exactly, are you looking for an undraped session? If she's a professional, she's capable of looking after her own professionalism. As far as signals are concerned, I would have a few questions for my potential son in law if he wanted to be naked on my table.

do you ever answer your questions?

Sorry! yes, yes, i do. I got busy and I haven't got internet at home, so sometimes there are gaps. My apologies.

I do not know if you're still answering questions, but here it goes. I have been a licensed massage therapist since 2009. I have tried to be self employed from time to time. However, I stopped about a year ago due to having trouble with advertisement. I used to advertise on craigslist and it just got so old dealing with men asking for sexual favors. Then, I decided to start a different career. However, recently I decided that I just do not want to deal with a boss or manager. I want to go back to being my own boss. My question is; is there any other place, besides craigslist, to advertise legitimate, non-sexual massage? I understand that from time to time, I will get a perv, but I need to know if there's a way to advertise without getting so many sickos. I live in Phoenix AZ. Thanks for your response!

Absolutely! YES.

One thing we don't tend to do as therapists is enlist the services we really need from others. Do not be shy to talk to the people who market. I went to one seminar at an event sponsored by the AMTA which was literally all about this sort of specificity.

One suggestion right off? Be quite clear about who you mean to attract. If you're looking to work with nurses, advertise at the hospital. If you want office workers, put your ad up in coffee shops in the business district. Go where your target audience is.

Craigslist is a bit of a shitshow, and honestly, sometimes the local free press is no better, but you may do better if you're willing to write an occasional article for them. You may be able to advertise without ending up in the back pages.

what is your reaction when you go to give me a message and all i'm wearing are some super hot sexy panties, an obvious nice hard **** inside, a nice body and funny and friendly? do you go ahead and play along and enjoy it? do you ram my *******, rub my **** thru my panties? nothing feels as good as a womans hand caressing my panties till I blow my wad!

My reaction is to cover you. You may either keep or lose your underclothes, that's to you, but I will cover you with a sheet and you will never even know that that was noticed.

Is it possible for a woman to get a sensual massage? I really need it and want the relaxation and release. I don't know where to get one around me.

Yes, it's absolutely possible. If you're looking for a sensual massage in the strictest sense, you probably can find one as you would any other type of therapeutic service. If you mean a sexual one, you'll want to look amongst the redlight ads near the back of your local free press paper.

Have you had guys get hard well giving them a massage? Do therapists consider it weird when that happens?

Happens all the time. Not weird at all. Promise.

I have a question if someone could help me,
I have had hundreds of massages in various countries and I have just seem a local therapist who is very nice and seems friendly, I can relax in her company which is good.
In her advert she offers the option of undraped massage, I went to see her and as I was getting undressed in an anti room she asked me if I wanted covers or not, well Im not fazed by being naked in front of strangers and to be honest I prefer undraped massage anyway, so I told her undraped.
I got on the table and to be honest she gave me a first class massage for 2 hours, nothing inaproppriate happened when I was laying on my front, she did go quite a way up my inner thighs but made no contact with my genitals, but it was sensual somehow, when I turned over she did the front of my thighs up to my hips and on the right leg my penis was laying over to that side, when she stroked up my thigh her hands did lightly brush my penis but Im sure it was unintentional, she also bent out my legs like butterfly position and massaged my inner thigh, again no contact with genitals but she did run her hands up close, as when I was on my back she did my bum but not between the cheeks but very close.
In her advert she advertises relaxing or theraputic massage, so my question is, I am getting the wrong signals here?, she left thhe room to wash her hhands after the massage and locked the door behind hher saying no one can walk in, there was no wash hand basin in the room by the way, did she leave too left me **********?
maybe I have an over active imagination. This is in the UK and also in all the massages Ive had I never get and erection not this time either.
I would love to hhear your comments and opinions please.

Sounds like if you wanted to she made sure you were in a safe environment. Relaxing and therapeutic don't mean sexual release, though i know that a lot of people mistake it for such. But it might have been nice of her to leave you a towel or something if that was her intention. In either case, it sounds like she gave you a completely appropriate and an appropriately complete massage.


I just recently got a massage, and I loved it. I haven't found a massage therapist who has provided such a great massage in my area. I was so happy I found a great therapist, and am considering being a regular client.

Unfortunately, I don't want to see a massage therapist regularly, if they do not enjoy working on my body. I'm not in the best shape, and am a little insecure about my fitness level. I know she's seen several different bodies, some probably worse than mine, but after the massage and during our conversation, I couldn't help but feel that she was 'pushing' me out, and didn't exactly want me to come back. In a previous post you mentioned that there are some people that you just don't want to work on, or don't have that connection. I'm wondering if she felt that away about me.

So here's my question(s).

1. How do I know if my therapist wants me to return, and enjoys working on me? I don't necessarily want to go see a therapist, if they are not enjoying their work with me.

2. Is it okay to ask a therapist how they feel about working on me?

The answers to both questions are really the same: communication. The relationship between client and therapist has a lot in common with the relation between patient and doctor, but it's also a very intimate situation. It is absolutely ok to ask how your therapist feels. Really, it's ok to ask your therapist anything. The onus is on them to be professional and handle the question with grace and dignity. But please don't let body issues be the reason you run away. Massage is one of the places that should really be getting healed, not exacerbated.