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I Am A Massage Therapist. Ask Me Anything.

I worked in the field in New York State from 2001 - 2011.

 F.P.A.Q. : Frequently Privately Asked Questions.

I receive a LOT of questions in my mail that would be really helpful for y'all, but I realise that sometimes a question just feels to sensitive or silly or embarassing to post publicly as a comment.  I've scrubbed these questions and made sure they aren't revealing in any way, and I'll continue editing this post to reflect the answer that seem relevant.  Keep the questions coming, even privately!  No questions have been reproduced here without the permission of the original asker.  

Q.    My girlfriend is scheduled for a spa service.  She has decided to go fully nude and the attendant is male. From your own experience how likely is he to see her fully nude/breasts/vagina?  On a side note the place I go for my massages (rmt) allows me to go fully nude without draping and it is very professional. Just great to be able to relax nude without towels and sheets moving.

A.  Some of you have asked this question with fear and great nervousness, hoping that no one will ever, ever, ever see any more of you than the palms of your hands and the soles of your feet.  Others have been hoping for some excitement, wondering if there will be stories to be told when your partner comes home.  It's true that massage combines pleasure and medicine in a way that can make some people very unsure.  

For those of you who are hoping for misbehaviour, I have to deflate your illusions just a little.  The fact is that an ethical and responsible therapist, properly trained, is just not that interested in seeing your nudity.  When we are looking, it's fairly clinical.  The skin is an organ like all the others, and offers a great deal of information on what's going on inside you from an evaluative perspective.  It's true that there are some places where nudity without draping is allowable or even encouraged.  I never worked in one of those places, and to be honest, I'm sort of glad:  Keeping a massage room warm enough for the client to be nude makes it awfully hot for the (fully clothed) therapist slaving away over your body!  In private practice, I have worked with clients in a lot less draping than I would in a spa setting, so it's not about skittishness.  There is an issue of control, though.  Should a confused receptionist or overzealous manager accidentally open the door, you'll be much more thankful for that sheet.

For those of you who are hoping to remain as hidden as possible, please know that your therapist is looking for YOUR comfort, not theirs.  It's not about us.  So if you want to be fully clothed the entire time, we may suggest some bodywork in the areas of shiatsu, Thai massage, or Reiki.  If you're comfortable being on the table in underwear or in panties and socks or if you want to wear a hat, just say so.  We'll work with you.  The idea is to access the muscles efficiently, not to take voyeuristic advantage of your nakedness.

Q.   My significant other and I like to give each other massages, and we would like to hire a massage therapist to give us a lesson or two (so we can get better at it). Do you have any suggestions for how we can find someone to do this? 

A.   I have never given a " lesson " the way you're describing, not for money. I have coached friends informally. I can't think of any reason not to do it; it just hasn't come up. My guess for the sake of both safety and everyone's comfort would be that you should ask around for a therapist who teaches. This is obviously easier if you live near one of the schools, but don't go thinking that just because your town isn't renowned for massage like Sedona or Phoenix that there ISn't a school. There might be. Start at the top, because it sounds like you're looking for genuinely professional advice: Ask at the local community college, check with your chiropractor. At the other end of the spectrum ( but still respectable ) have a look at your local free press newspaper. The schools often advertise there. Having found someone who teaches, even if they don't practice regularly they may be interested. Also you may be eligible for some of the continuing education courses offered for massage therapy graduates. Not all of them have prerequisites, but of course, call ahead for information. 

Q.  What are your favorite parts of the male anatomy? You said "My personal preference runs toward the weekend warrior dads. I do my best work on guys who aren't too 'ripped' but do actually use their bodies as tools." What body parts are you 'into' ?

A.  It depends what kind of work he typically does. I like forearms and hands... they are sort of unexpected places to spend a lot of time, but they can offer a lot of relief. People don't usually realise how much tension they carry in their hands, and when that's been worked out well, people find they relax a lot. Guys who drive for a living appreciate work to the hamstrings and calves; driving is sitting with enforced muscle tension. The base of the skull gets a lot of attention, and the muscles in the scalp... very helpful for the worriers. 

Ah, but if you're asking a much more personal question, I love working a nice abdomen .  Not too cut, not too swollen ?  Stretching hip bones away from ribs is fantastic.  For my own (sadistic?) pleasure, I guess I like touching lower backs, upper thighs... I'm a fan of places where the blood comes up to the surface.  So ...  backs of knees, edges of armpits. But that's really more masochistic than sadistic.  Because it's me that 's being tortured.  They feel great and have no idea what's going on in my ... erm..  head.  not pants.  I was not going to say pants.

Q.   How much can a perceptive massage therapist tell about a guy's 'equipment' when he's draped under a sheet and blanket (pulled out 'flat' for instance, not 'bunched'). If the draping is a sheet only, can you tell more, and how much more?

A.    Everything. We know everything. Just stop trying to hide and it will all go much easier. Okay, seriously: it really is a lot. If you're under a sheet and a blanket together, you can hide a little, but we're going to have to move the blanket eventually. Don't think it changes anything to wear underwear either. Go by what your therapist requests: me personally, I tell my clients I prefer them as naked as possible. It's just easier for me to drape them than to try to work around elastic and seams.. but then I'm very professional about how I describe the process, and I don't seem to leave them feeling insecure. The relevant thing about our knowing as much as we know is .. well, not to spoil anything for you, but we rarely care. Not don't care as in we're callous and disregarding you, just... we see an awful lot of them. And we're not working ON them, just... around them, so.. it's pretty matter -of -fact. If there's one that's particularly odd, I'll admit we may smirk, but likely only when you cant see us.

RascallyRabbit RascallyRabbit 31-35, F 243 Responses Mar 12, 2011

Your Response


hi, i am a 19 year old massager is a male person and he did some things which i dont think is according to the session1.he touches my penis and strokes it like a little bit2.he did this position of kissinng and made me hold his penis3. he asked whether he should suck my penisw, iss all this common in full body massaging

All of my massages I have had since 2012 have been great experiences. My first in abut 25 years was a couple of years ago. I went to the YMCA and noticed they had a massage therapist there, I decided to try it to help ease my sciatic pain. The young female therapist said to disrobe to the level of my comfort and lay on the table. I literally did that. I am a medical professional and I am not uncomfortable being nude for therapeutic purposes. I lay on the table on my stomach nude. She walked in and seemed shocked, and said she needed to get me under a sheet. I said okay and moved and she covered me with a sheet. She explained the need for draping and I agreed. No big deal to me. I did learn from that experience that proper draping does help set boundaries for the protection of both the therapist and the one getting the massage. Now when I get a massage, when I hear the phrase, get disrobed to the level of your comfort, I get under the sheet. Still the therapists are amazed that a guy my age is not modest about nudity. I tell them I am a retired medical professional and that I am not uncomfortable nude. They relax and so do I.

I've giving my boyfriend a voucher for a full body message, now I'm scared that he might excite himself... Can this be possible?

I just went for a much needed massage. I do usually like male massage but I was convinced it would be okay. half way in I felt what I believe was his hands on my back and near my hands was what I though was an erect penis. I was scared confused and shocked so I just discretely move my hand. I still am not sure I was so scared. I think he kept waving it around but I cant be sure. So weird. Never ever getting a male again. I don't want a man touching my naked body thinking about sex. its too risky.

I just joined this to get some advice...another perspective.

I am 52, like massages, and keep in good shape doing triathlons. Hence one of the reasons I get massages.

So...I go to a resort with my wife and she schedules massages for us. She is first, then me.

I meet at the appointed time and meet the therapist and go to disrobe and get in the sheets. I am there and my phone rings so I go to shut it off. The therapist walks in and I am naked. No big deal for either of us.

Later in the massage I said something to the fact of her seeing me naked and she said I just mooned her.

We discuss that I don't like quite as deep a massage as my wife. Later she says"you like it deep". To which I respond then "don't most people?". She responds that "mostly women like it deep". I say I'm not going to touch that. It gets me wondering.

Later she does my feet and says "look at those long toes". I respond that I was a decent athlete because I have very long fingers as well. She later says my hands are big.

Later she reaches over to stretch my back and my upturned hand is right on her crotch. A finger or two is touching her inner thigh and touching her vaginal area. I froze and my mind started racing. I barely moved my fingers and she did not move for a minute or two. Nothing was said.

By this time I am trembling with excitement and nervousness. I ask if she can feel me trembling and eventually she does. I told her I had worked out before the massage. She said I thought you were trembling because of me. I agreed that could be it.

She wraps up and says"are there any areas I missed?". I am speechless and she knows it.

She goes out and brings me water. Does not give me enough time to put my clothes on, 30 seconds tops. I sit up to drink the water and she puts a wrap around my back and massages a few places there while I have only the sheet on and am sitting up. She comes around to the front to do a few things to my neck and is eight inches from my face with a big smile on hers. I look at her and give a big smile. She hugs me and we conclude.

After I dress, I tell her I missed a great opportunity and I will be sorry. She just smiles and we hug.

I think she was coming on to me and I was liking it. What do you think of it? Thanks!

I received a massage the other day, and was completely nude (my choice). During the massage, the attractive lady started rubbing near my nether-regions, and I popped a full-born Woodrow. I'm just very sensitive when anyone gets around that area... I was tempted to reach out and grab her but, but resisted the temptation. She was very professional, so even though I was slightly turned on by the experience, she didn't change in her demeanor, so I took this that she was not interested in me grabbing her butt or my full-born Woodrow.

My question is - should I return for another massage and try some grab-***, or should I just leave things at a professional level? Could she sue me if I grabbed her butt? And should I raise my pelvis when she is in my nether-regions, encouraging a nice penis massage?

Thank you for your response.

At my last massage I had a 90 minute one. She was also a physical therapist. Besides the massage it included some stretching and rotation of the joints. Though that was expected, it was appreciated and added to the massage. This time I also had the chest muscles and abdomen massaged as well. While on my back, she did my shoulders, back, and also half of my buttocks. During this time the sheet pretty much fell off me and since she already had seen everything I told her not to worry. By not having to worry about the sheet and it's placement she was able to concentrate on just the massage and stretching. As great as it felt being totally naked and massaged, I didn't get aroused as I was just concentrating on the comfort and relaxation from the massage. If I can get another deal on the 90 minute massage I'm going back again.

where can i get a high quality penis massage?

Can I get arrested in NY as a phone appointment setter for a masseuse who works naked but doesn't engage in sex acts or "full-service"?

Add a response...

Hi I was just wondering if a masseuse can tell whether or not the client is a virgin by simply giving her a body massage. Is it possible for a masseuse to know that I'm not a virgin?

Well done. Your clients are/were lucky to have been on your table. Thank you for sharing.

Will the massuese see my penis if I get an undraped massage?

Its more comfortable as long you respect her boundaries

Hi, I have a weekly Shiatsu style energy massage where I wear shorts and T shirt. My female therapist is about 60 years of age and I have been a client of hers for some years. I would like to ask her if I could disrobe during the massage as I recently had a naturist massage with another masseuse which I found to be preferable to wearing clothing.
I have no selfish intentions to my Shiatsu therapist but I just wonder how I might ask her or indeed if I shouldn't. Can you advise ?

hi.i'am a sharp looking 40 year old male,i currently started messing around with hot 22 year old girl,so we have like these passion kissing moments but that's all for now. the other day she gave me a wonderful massage on my back it was so good that i wet my underwear and it zip thru my shorts she notice it at the end of the massage and told me,i was so embarrassed. i was wondering if she may be repulse by it? or actually turn on by it?

I am turning 15 years old tomorrow and my mom got me a massage as a gift. I've had plenty of them before and being nude does not bother me, but recently my depression got bad and I started cutting again. (I am in therapy and on medication. My mom knows I self harm too, but she gets so mad every time she finds out I've relapsed.) I have cuts covering my stomach and I can't say that they are from an animal because, well, animals can't write 'Help Me' into your skin. How do I explain to the masseuse where the cuts came from without her telling my mom and ruining my birthday? Is it allowed for them to ask me where they came from?

Hey, so I'm actually in the exact same place (except psychiatrist for genetically passed conditions and psychologist for depression) um anyway I've run into the same thing trying to hide my stomach and thighs but It's not their position because they aren't in a legally bound situation to say anything to your parents. And if they ask, its a moral thing but so is your choice to say id rather not say, or strike a conversation. Tell them you know, you do cut but go with the whole yes but I'm in therapy and meds and everything too. And then maybe about how your parents know and they're supportive etc. Then they'll feel like oh I dont need to say anything her parents know. Be very casual about it. Hope it helps <3

I live in a small town so there are not spa quality massage therapists. I often go on vacation and always treat myself to a massage. This last time I really enjoyed the therapist I had. I knew the name and tried to google for a linkedin profile but was unsuccessful. Contacting on Facebook seems very unprofessional but that was the only profile that came up. I would like to be sure to locate the therapist when I return in case they are no longer at the spa I was last at. As I only go 2-3 times per year but it is always disappointing when the massage isn't great. Is there any other way you suggest to locate or contact therapists? I should've asked before I left! However now I just don't want to make it weird. Thanks for your advice.

Add a response...

Hi I am a massaje therapist and in my salon the client is naked. The massage is sensual because it is very slow and flowing like lomi lomi but Spanish style and exotic because the therapists are all from different countries and are very beautyful and very attractive. I have been looked strangely due to this but I stand my ground it is completely a non sexual service and I energy healing on my clients But my partner doesn't like when I massage them ontop when they are face down I do this coz when massaging them standing you must stretch the arms and it can start to get quite painful so I have more strength when I'm ontop in your expertise do you see this wrong would like your opinion thanx


No, I don't see anything wrong in getting on top of the client. Maximising your body mechanics to create longevity in your practice and to give the most effective massage is just good business practice... But I can certainly understand where your partner is coming from. Especially if your client is naked, it's very important to have clear boundaries and to be extremely specific if the work you do is non-sexual. To be honest, though, I wonder why your partner even knows that that is a technique you use. Not that you ought to hide it, but if it's genuinely something that is a matter-of-fact tool in your metaphorical toolbox, then it probably shouldn't be worth bringing up. Now that it's a topic, though, you really can't just shut it down. You might want to ask your partner what specifically disturbs him/er about it, because perhaps it's not what you think.

Hi thankyou for your reply,
My husbands disturbed with being ontop of the client when massaging him because he is fully naked and massaging him from the front even though I do not get close or touch his private areas he believes that due to the clients penis erected it can touch my body whilst on top... IN MY OPINION it was much easier for me to massage the way I massaged before ontop and I ALWAYS make sure the client knows it's a non sexual service

I Forgot To Add One More Thing... I believe if your a therapist professional you see a client as a client and it's just another body but in saying that I do not allow a client to touch my breasts or any part of my body while massaging them its respect to me and also it's putting a boundary between the client and myself. letting a client or a masseur touch is something else and leads to something else coz you have crossed the boundaries If a male massuer massages a female clients breast it's the same as a female massuer massaging a males private areas and if you are married or in a relationship this wrong and disrespectful to your partner You might aswell be single coz there's no respect between the both of you. I have relationship of honesty we tell each other everything so I don't hide anything from him I tell him exactly how the massage is performed so there's no doubts

My wife goes to a male therapist, that doesn't bother me at all. The other day she asked me about some sitting issues she has, something I have known about for years, since she spends a lot of time on a bicycle. I have even rubbed her fanny out for her, probably hundreds of times now.
What she wanted to know if it was all right with me if Hal, the person she sees could work that area out for her? She didn't want me to not be aware or take a chance of my being upset.
I told her it should be OK if she was OK with it, but after the fact I had second thoughts. Now I am curious, since the area is going to be EXTREMELY personal, some male I barely know will have his hands down THERE? We are talking about the Perineum, the pelvic floor muscles?
I thought about telling her no but then at the last couple of sessions she told me he did and it really helped? She is 44 and athletic, attractive, But I doubt Hal who is perhaps 30 is interested in her that way and likely really is just trying to help. He also massages her bust, she asked me for permission for that, also and it was NBD.
She did say that to do the work he undraped her completely and that does bug me a little bit. My wife has always been very open and honest with me, so that part is good. She knows I write naughty stories for fun, and as a result we usually can talk about anything. But my concern over this happening, and me not being there or even knowing for sure bothers me.
What do I do or say without sounding stupid or putitanistic?


I want to be unprofessional and say that I simply love that you want to support your wife and not sound stupid or puritanical, but ...hunh... i just did, didn't i? Let me resume my professional face.

I think you're going to have to rely on the trust and open communication you've already established with your wife and believe that you will not sound stupid (or that if you do she'll forgive it). As to sounding puritanical, I think you probably crossed that bridge and burned it behind you when you realised that it was genuinely helping her and were happy for her holistic health.

You're right that most likely Hal is not interested in her in "that way" because doing that kind of work requires a lot of focus and is not actually very sexual for the therapist. It's actually quite difficult and can even be painful to provide.
You're definitely going to have to do some introspection, as uncomfortable as that might be. But I will throw one idea in your general direction: when I work on children, I encourage the parent or guardian to take a seat in the room, and there is often an ongoing dialogue between my client (the child), the adult in the chair, and myself. If you can't seem to get past your discomfort or the fear or whatever else it is that's going on for you, maybe it's worth asking them if they'd be willing to let you sit in on a session. Actually seeing what it's like may take some of the mystical pseudosexual undertones out of your head.

So for sometime now I've been visiting an asian massage centre. This is a very legit place by the way. When I enter the room I always get asked to undress and cover myself with a drape. As soon as the masseuse enters however, the first thing she does is undrape me. And I have to admit that laying there on the table butt naked is a turn on. Anyway, she'd usually start off by rubbing my back, and work to the rest of my body. The best part is when she focuses on my buttocks due to the fact that it would usually cause me to climax. I don't react when I climax, and the masseuse never notices. Is this normal to climax when getting a buttocks massage? Or am I just too sensitive? Anyway I always get asked to turnover, and I always say I prefer to remain in this position, as I'm embarrassed to expose my erection. I do feel sometimes that I offend the masseuse when I prefer to not turn over. The reality is I'd really like to, but i'm just a little too embarrassed. Do you have similar experiences with clients climaxing, do you ever notice? (p.s. I now bring a sock so I don't leave a mess on the table like the first time). The staff there are very friendly and I get along quiet well, I don't think they know of about my climaxing, or they could just be pretending.


it's a little hard to answer if i've ever not known about someone climaxing, as i wouldn't know i didn't... but i'd say it's pretty hard not to know. It's much more likely they're pretending ... or that they just don't see as it's anything to make a big deal of. it's considerate of you to bring a sock, though I'm surprised the spa doesn't provide towels for you. It's not "too" sensitive of you to have a strong reaction to touch! If it's unusual, so are plenty of other sexual proclivities.

Hi I am currently 17 and will turn 18 in late June. I do a ton of running (about 10 miles a day) and some days I'm sore in my legs near my groin and thighs and on my back. and was wondering if there are age limits and if it is different for every state? Also would I need parent permission? Would I have to be covered? I'm very shy but after reading the above questions I could definitely get rid of the drape for a better experience and more relaxation. Also I am 5'10" and about 110lbs. Is it more difficult to massage people that are bony? And are massages easier to give when the client is shaven?

Hi. I'm a guy and my Nighbor (also a guy) once gave me a mini massage for a few seconds. Today he calls me if I remember that massage he gave me, I said yes then he says he wants to come over and give me a normal massage. I really don't have a lot in common with that Nighbor and it was kind of funny that he called me. Is it possible that he really wants to only massage me? Or there will come out sexual activity? Basically, is it possible not to have sexual activity?

Is it possible not to have sexual activity? Yes. If you say no, there won't be any. If you're asking what your neighbour (?) is intending, I think he's the one you'd have to ask. If no money is involved, then really it's just a question of what you (and he) want or are willing to allow.

Whould u massage the penis

Not for money. Massaging the genital areas is illegal in the state in which i practiced.

My fiance's mom is my massage therapist. Ive always been worried about getting overly aroused while getting a massage. Im comfortable with full nudity even with her but Im not sure if she would be ok with it. My question is, if I wanted to ask her about a possible non draped session, how would I do that without sending her the wrong signal? What could I say to her to let her know that it isnt for an inappropriate reason and that its an innocent request?

This is a bit of a tough question, 2332. I've no wish to imply that you want anything other than what you've said, but why, exactly, are you looking for an undraped session? If she's a professional, she's capable of looking after her own professionalism. As far as signals are concerned, I would have a few questions for my potential son in law if he wanted to be naked on my table.

do you ever answer your questions?

Sorry! yes, yes, i do. I got busy and I haven't got internet at home, so sometimes there are gaps. My apologies.

I do not know if you're still answering questions, but here it goes. I have been a licensed massage therapist since 2009. I have tried to be self employed from time to time. However, I stopped about a year ago due to having trouble with advertisement. I used to advertise on craigslist and it just got so old dealing with men asking for sexual favors. Then, I decided to start a different career. However, recently I decided that I just do not want to deal with a boss or manager. I want to go back to being my own boss. My question is; is there any other place, besides craigslist, to advertise legitimate, non-sexual massage? I understand that from time to time, I will get a perv, but I need to know if there's a way to advertise without getting so many sickos. I live in Phoenix AZ. Thanks for your response!

Absolutely! YES.

One thing we don't tend to do as therapists is enlist the services we really need from others. Do not be shy to talk to the people who market. I went to one seminar at an event sponsored by the AMTA which was literally all about this sort of specificity.

One suggestion right off? Be quite clear about who you mean to attract. If you're looking to work with nurses, advertise at the hospital. If you want office workers, put your ad up in coffee shops in the business district. Go where your target audience is.

Craigslist is a bit of a shitshow, and honestly, sometimes the local free press is no better, but you may do better if you're willing to write an occasional article for them. You may be able to advertise without ending up in the back pages.

what is your reaction when you go to give me a message and all i'm wearing are some super hot sexy panties, an obvious nice hard **** inside, a nice body and funny and friendly? do you go ahead and play along and enjoy it? do you ram my *******, rub my **** thru my panties? nothing feels as good as a womans hand caressing my panties till I blow my wad!

My reaction is to cover you. You may either keep or lose your underclothes, that's to you, but I will cover you with a sheet and you will never even know that that was noticed.

Is it possible for a woman to get a sensual massage? I really need it and want the relaxation and release. I don't know where to get one around me.

Yes, it's absolutely possible. If you're looking for a sensual massage in the strictest sense, you probably can find one as you would any other type of therapeutic service. If you mean a sexual one, you'll want to look amongst the redlight ads near the back of your local free press paper.

Have you had guys get hard well giving them a massage? Do therapists consider it weird when that happens?

Happens all the time. Not weird at all. Promise.

I have a question if someone could help me,
I have had hundreds of massages in various countries and I have just seem a local therapist who is very nice and seems friendly, I can relax in her company which is good.
In her advert she offers the option of undraped massage, I went to see her and as I was getting undressed in an anti room she asked me if I wanted covers or not, well Im not fazed by being naked in front of strangers and to be honest I prefer undraped massage anyway, so I told her undraped.
I got on the table and to be honest she gave me a first class massage for 2 hours, nothing inaproppriate happened when I was laying on my front, she did go quite a way up my inner thighs but made no contact with my genitals, but it was sensual somehow, when I turned over she did the front of my thighs up to my hips and on the right leg my penis was laying over to that side, when she stroked up my thigh her hands did lightly brush my penis but Im sure it was unintentional, she also bent out my legs like butterfly position and massaged my inner thigh, again no contact with genitals but she did run her hands up close, as when I was on my back she did my bum but not between the cheeks but very close.
In her advert she advertises relaxing or theraputic massage, so my question is, I am getting the wrong signals here?, she left thhe room to wash her hhands after the massage and locked the door behind hher saying no one can walk in, there was no wash hand basin in the room by the way, did she leave too left me **********?
maybe I have an over active imagination. This is in the UK and also in all the massages Ive had I never get and erection not this time either.
I would love to hhear your comments and opinions please.

Sounds like if you wanted to she made sure you were in a safe environment. Relaxing and therapeutic don't mean sexual release, though i know that a lot of people mistake it for such. But it might have been nice of her to leave you a towel or something if that was her intention. In either case, it sounds like she gave you a completely appropriate and an appropriately complete massage.


I just recently got a massage, and I loved it. I haven't found a massage therapist who has provided such a great massage in my area. I was so happy I found a great therapist, and am considering being a regular client.

Unfortunately, I don't want to see a massage therapist regularly, if they do not enjoy working on my body. I'm not in the best shape, and am a little insecure about my fitness level. I know she's seen several different bodies, some probably worse than mine, but after the massage and during our conversation, I couldn't help but feel that she was 'pushing' me out, and didn't exactly want me to come back. In a previous post you mentioned that there are some people that you just don't want to work on, or don't have that connection. I'm wondering if she felt that away about me.

So here's my question(s).

1. How do I know if my therapist wants me to return, and enjoys working on me? I don't necessarily want to go see a therapist, if they are not enjoying their work with me.

2. Is it okay to ask a therapist how they feel about working on me?

The answers to both questions are really the same: communication. The relationship between client and therapist has a lot in common with the relation between patient and doctor, but it's also a very intimate situation. It is absolutely ok to ask how your therapist feels. Really, it's ok to ask your therapist anything. The onus is on them to be professional and handle the question with grace and dignity. But please don't let body issues be the reason you run away. Massage is one of the places that should really be getting healed, not exacerbated.

hey rabbit- what an interesting group you started. Thanks for sharing. I've never had a massage, but have been thinking about it a lot lately. I do believe it's time!

I have had massages overseas in Asia before and I like them, particularly anything that is full body. I live in a small, very conservative town which does have massage spas, but I worry about getting anything more than that. Can I request that a masseuse come to my home? Also, can I get a complete full body massage this situation, without worrying that the person is a police officer? My wife is gone for two months to her home country and I would like to relax in this opportune time. I don't want sex. I like a pleasant experience and if a happy ending should happen to come with it, that would be nice. What is the price in the U.S. in the southwest and do I have to pay extra here for a happy ending? Thanks!

I'm sorry, I don't know if I know the answer to your question. In the US, standards of massage allow for home visits absolutely, but it is considered illegal and unethical for any sexual activity to take place along with the exchange of money, and unprofessional for it to take place within the context of massage.

Once when I was getting a nude massage the masseuse began concentrating on points on my upper thigh and backside. Are these points of tension?

Yes, indeed! The pelvic girdle holds the tension of the entire hip joint. There's much work to be done there.

So i've been a massage therapist for about a year, I can never seem to get the motivation to give my boyfriend a massage. And when i do i half *** it, i dont mean to but i just cant see him as a client. how can i change that? how can disconect the relationship part out and see him as a client?

It's entirely possible that you can't. That's why we refer. But if you're committed to the effort, you might find it gets easier when he falls asleep or if he's face down. Focus on very technical work instead of relaxation strokes. The more involved you are with muscle stripping, the less time you have to feel tired and annoyed. Also, make him pay you. * grin*

I 'm doing market research. Is doing massage seasonal, i.e. do you make more money in the winter or summer or is it about the same. Is the market consistent or is it growing. This is from your point of view. Any answer would be very much appreciated.


doing private massage i didn't find much difference. in spa settings, if it rains, we'll be booked solid.

i'm curious about your research... what are you aiming toward?


I have been reading your entries and I am very impressed with you candor and practical attitude. I really have enjoyed your well thought out answers and your professionalism.

I'd like to throw in a little background before I get to my questions. Up until recently I could never understand why people got massages. It just didn't make any sense at all to me. I knew that it must be a pleasant experience, but I thought that it would get boring pretty fast.

A few years ago I had an explosive muscle separation in my lower back and spent 2 years in pretty bad pain because the doctor assigned to me (military) was an idiot. When I was finally given an MRI, it was shown that his diagnosis was ludicrous. So I was sent to a physical therapist that helped a lot to break up the scar tissue that had been building up for 2 years from the lack of exercise I should have been doing since the doctor told me to not do any. However, over the years the stretching exercises I had been doing were no longer enough to keep my back mobile and pain free.

Instead of fighting my way through the near endless maze of appointments to get a referral, I decided that maybe a therapeutic massage would be an appropriate way to treat the problem and it would be a lot easier to just go and do that myself. Thus began an eye opening experience for me.

I did a lot of research on the internet to make sure I was getting into a legitimate massage and ended up going to one of the chain store places. While doing the research, I found a lot of other men complaining about the use of sheet and blanket draping. I dismissed their attitudes as people who were looking for the other type of massage. When I went in for my first massage, the technician was a friendly and very nice young lady and I thought that all would go well. All though it was not an bad experience it did turn out to almost stop me from getting another massage. The young lady seemed to be uncomfortable for some reason. She explained the procedure to me and, as standard, told me that I should undress to my comfort level. Then she immediately added that most of their customers preferred to leave their underwear on. This was in conflict with what the company's website stated which was that about 50% of their customers preferred to completely disrobe. So I took her comment to mean that she preferred that I leave my underwear on and I was fine with that if it made her more comfortable.

When she came back into the room and started the massage, she started talking and didn't quit until it was over. She may just have been talkative, but it seemed to me to be nervous talking. I also found out what the other guys were talking about with the draping. The only exposing the part that was being worked on became irritating. I realize that it is done to increase the client's comfort level, but it had the opposite affect on me. She would only uncover the leg to just above the knee. When she was done with it, it was meticulously covered and tucked (both times). Then she moved to the back. But, only the upper back even though I had told her about the lower back problem I had. After I flipped over, the front of the legs were done again just as before and then the shoulders. The chest was never uncovered or touched.

This all had the effect of making me feel like an untrusted vile object that had to be feared and handled with extreme caution. I would not have been surprised to see here suit up in a HazMat suit before it was over. I never expected to feel like that from what I read of the described draping procedure on their site. I wonder if this is how it affected the other guys that were complaining about it.

About a month later I decided to try again at another massage establishment. I am very glad that I did. I found a wonderful lady (in the most sincere use of the word lady) who is very caring and not afraid to work on someone as needed. Not only did she fix my back so that it is better than it has been in many years, she has given me a sense of peace, relaxation and happiness (not that kind of happy) that I have never had before.

In my state, there is not a state massage law yet so it is regulated by the cities. The city she works in has an ordinance that addresses draping. She prefers to use the minimum draping allowed by law if her client is comfortable with it. She also prefers the client to be completely undressed if comfortable also. I decided that I would try it to her preference the first time and if it was uncomfortable that I would change the next time. This also had an unexpected effect on me. I found that her displayed trust made me completely relax and the peace I received from it has given me something more valuable than the relief from pain that she has also given me. I now understand the full benefits of massage.

I also have noticed something else. We are almost to my question. Have you ever had the experience of shaking hands with someone and instantly knowing whether or not that person was a good or bad person? That has happened to me many times in my life and I think it may be related to what seems to be happening during my massage sessions now. From the first time my therapist started working on me, I have felt an inner peace and happiness coming from her and going into me. You may think that I am insane now, but I think there is a communication from the touch that allows us to feel the character and personality of the person touching or being touched. Her gentleness and kindness has helped me to be a much calmer, more relaxed and overall better person. Have you ever felt this type of connection with people during massage or am I crazy after all?


You are absolutely not crazy (at least in this regard; I can't speak to the rest of your life!) . There are clients I have hoped and hoped to see again because working with them felt like getting a massage in return. There were others for whom I did only a small amount of work and wished never to see again. And even there were some whom I referred out, because working with them was bad for me. In the end, it all comes down to the energetics: I know they have a sort of bad reputation vis-a-vis that airy-fairy stuff, but any body that can be electrocuted has an electric field, so enough of that trash-talking. I am particularly sensitive to the way that people's energy impacts mine, but I know that for some people that's too ephemeral. I am so happy that you found a therapist with whom you connected well before giving up! These are the kinds of experiences that help to legitimise massage in the eyes of the (sometimes Puritan) law.


Thank You for your understanding reply. I find myself to be extremely fortunate to have found such a wonderful therapist so quickly.

As I read your comments; in many ways you remind me of her in spirit.

Thank You again.

I accidentally ********** while getting a nude massage once. I was on my stomach and the masseuse was working my inner thigh and just hit a spot. I suppressed it so I don't think she realized it. Has that ever happened to you? I'm just wondering if it was obvious to her.


yes, of course it happens. I would like to say that your therapist knew, but over the years I have become much more aware that not every therapist is paying attention to their surroundings, their client, or themselves. If you were on my table, I'd have known. I would likely only have indicated to you that anything was amiss if I feared you might be uncomfortable, as no one likes sleeping in the wet spot... But it is likely that she knew and chose to move forward without addressing it, which is probably for the best.

After reading questions and answers. My only question since I don't mind she touch male private area, wouldn't she not mind touch private area?

massagelover 10

i'm afraid it doesn't quite work that way.

I am looking for a massage therapist that goes by Gravely for last name. I owe her money which is why I am looking for her. Is there any way you can help. She wasin Brazoria tx and now somewhere in east tx

U R A ******* MORON *****

Pamela, do you not know your gender or do you have a female name but are a teenage boy?
Who are you calling a moron? One of the commenters or my very good friend, Rascally Rabbit? I hope not her!

I'm in the beginning stages of massage therapy for animals. Right now we're just learning some basic techniques. What I wanted to know, for my own benefit was a muscle that didnt feel hard but I felt it 'popping' or 'crunching' under the pressure I was giving it while the muscle was taught. I didnt know what that meant and my instructor wasnt around to clarify at the time. I havent been able to find much on this except that it might have been a tight/knotty muscle? If this is true, should I continue with basic techniques or do something different?


the popping crunching sounds are totally normal.

the best way i can describe it (to be sure we're talking about the same thing) is that it feels as though there's a sheet of cling film between the layers of the muscle, and as you proceed through petrissage, it doesn't even really seem to go away?

i find muscle stripping is particularly useful for this; i also favour myofascial strokes. go slow, let the tissues melt, and the crackly sounds will go away. (it's tissue wastes that haven't made it back to the lymph yet.)

Hope I am not being out of bounds here, but I've heard of female therapists giving men happy endings, but I wonder if you have ever been asked by a woman for certain extras? Does this happen woman to woman?


not out of bounds to ask at all.

i have been asked out of fear by female clients who were worried that i might offer "extra" services. i've never been asked by a woman for more, but, yes, it does happen.

Hi! Alright, so I began going to a spa from groupon. I had an amazing first experience there. However, it wasn't just amazing because of the great massage but because I left feeling so smitten from my massage therapist. I noticed when I walked in that he had his ipad with similiar/unique music taste like mine to choose from so we started bonding over that, which led to deep conversation while he gave me my massage the entire time. I don't typically get massages but of course I went for a second massage because I really enjoyed talking to him. The second massage we continued talking the entire time, laughing, and finding more things in common. He even had me write down a bunch of bands for him to check out before I left.) I'm really into him and I think he is interested in me too but I feel a little awkward asking him if he wants to go out sometime since it is his work. He asked me what my plans for the weekend were out of the blue while he was giving me my massage but I can't tell if he was just trying to be nice. Is this normal behavior with some of clients? Do you ever talk the entire time with some your clients? How would you approach this if you were me? Since, we have so much of the same music taste, I was thinking about casually being like "hey we should go to a show together sometime." and see how he reacts. Am I over thinking this behavior? haha

Who was the massage therapist , was it in Bournemouth, because I think I use him, and he is really good..


yeah, does sound like a bit of overthink.. but then, that's the fun of a crush, right? if you're serious about this person, feel free to ask him. Just be aware that if he says yes to dating you he may refer you to another therapist for your massages.

Excuse the spelling errors.
I'm a male in my early 60's and I've been going to the same massage therapist for years.
She is in her early 50's now. We've been almost like friends talking about different things in life and so on. Up until the last few sessions she has made sure that I'm covered and not exposing anything below. She's done abdominal work and inner thigh stuff in the past and occasionaly I get an erection but she does not make a big deal about it. it comes and goes.
A few months ago after doing the front of my legs and finishing with the quads I realized that my scrotal area was more than a little exposed. And it remained that way through out the rest of the massage. She had to know I was exposed. I made no effort to cover myself however. I mentioned to her in a subsiquent email that I really enjoyed our last session and that I felt completely comfortable with her.
My last 2 sessions have been salt scrubs and steaming. Normally she covers me with a sheet but for this treatment she uses towels...small towels. She has left my penis completely covered for the most part but thats it. And it's OK, I'm not really complaning. She knows I'm married and she has a boyfriend that she's been with for sometime now.
I've always assumed we are just friends and that she gives me massages proffessionally.
I'm trying to figure why things have changed and would I be out of line to ask that she doesn't need to cover me at all if she wishes. Or am I just looking for trouble one way or another?

I like that you're asking. One of the things that a lot of clients don't understand is that this sort of ambiguity is exactly why it's important for therapists to hold the line on what is "appropriate."

You would, yes, be looking for trouble by offering her not to cover you at all. If that's the direction things seem to be going, and that's what you want, say nothing. She is responsible for her professionalism, not you.

If what you want is clarity and to proceed in as decorous a manner as possible, ask... but yes, you would most definitely be borrowing trouble from tomorrow to pad today.

So it's best if I just let things happen and that the situation will become evident as time goes by? Then a decision can be made on my part?

how do you ask a question?

like this. just do it again.

hehe hehe

Hi, I have another question.

There is a massage/beauty therapy school close by that offers massages at cheaper rates than the spas I have in mind to visit/frequent. What I'd like to know is, is the student's lecturer always present during massage sessions? And would it be appropriate for me to receive nude full body massages at the school?

(Btw, I am not actually considering receiving a massage at the school since I would feel too uncomfortable being massaged by students. But that's just me.)

The programs most schools use for their clinics are basically an internship. There is some sort of supervision present, usually within polite distance so that a student therapist can quietly excuse themselves and get help with a minimum of disruption. We are not allowed to work without a license, so internships allow us to work on people under the onus of a professional license (the instructor`s) and with the insurance policy of the school. By the time a student therapist is working on the public in this setting, they are already well versed in what can kill you and what they should never ever do. As to nudity, the parameters are generally laid out by the school clinic and are usually available when you sign up.

I`m curious as to why you would feel uncomfortable about being massaged by students, though. Is it a matter of experience? Because I would proffer this, even before you answer: Massage, like any other medical practice, is an area that benefits from education. Being still in school means that the students are able to get the answer to whatever the question might be much more quickly and at the height of the profession, as opposed to a therapist in the "wild" who might have gotten rusty...

I'm just scared that the student will interpret any potential erections I might have as perverse since she/he would most likely be younger than me and inexperienced. A perv is the last thing I want to be or be labelled as. I also don't them to mess up my system. But, after posing the question I vowed to try the school at least once - just not at this stage in my life.

Reasonable fear. I would like to say that it won't happen, but I can't. It's a potential risk, sure. Then again, it's a potential risk with any therapist.. I get it, though.

Rabbit, I hope you don't mind me chiming in here, but I JUST got done with my schooling about month ago, so I would like to offer TruthSeeker some insight.
I was taught from the beginning to expect that erections MAY very well happen. We were taught why and what to do about them, which was basically to ignore them. I know for me personally, even as a student (even though I was actually older than the rest of the students in my class) I didn't even notice if anyone had one. As far as the students seeing you as a pervert, I think that would only happen if you tried to "relieve" yourself while the student was in the room. One thing about being there in a teaching setting, we had someone we could talk to if there was a question, or a problem. It was honestly a relief to have that support there. I'm HOPING that the place that I finally choose to work at has that same support, but I also know that there are other places that I can get that support as well (like Rabbit for instance :-) ) I would suggest looking into the school and asking their policy on being nude. I know that the school that I was at left it up to the therapist/student and the client.

Thank you for your 2c, Armani. I will look into it. As the saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," or in this case "saved".

2 More Responses

Hello Again !

Last week I received a massage and this new therapist actually climbed on the massage table to stretch my legs and hips . It's the first time I've had a therapist do that and I was just wondering on the massage spectrum if this equates to a "higher pedigree" of massage training ?

Also what are your views on hot stone massage ? Is it more effective to relax by getting a hot stone massage than a swedish massage or is it just a fad ?

Thank you kindly for your time.



hey there, sploonman! nice to see you again.

I wouldn`t go straight to the assumption of `higher`or `more`training, maybe just different. I personally am in favour of climbing up on the table. The tables are strong, they can take it... and the leverage is better from that position. Also, I`m kind of short, so it helps. Did you find the stretch went deeper? For myself, I find the client may feel the stretch is the same to them, but I feel I`m more in control of that limb, which, lets face it, is roughly 35-70 pounds, right? I don`t want to slip and drop it. *grin*

As to stone massage: It`s thoroughly wonderful; very relaxing and quite effective. It is also a royal pain in the *** to give, so tip generously, especially if the price at your spa is not a lot more than that of a therapeutic massage. The heat in the stones penetrates and allows your muscles to begin the process of relaxing before the therapists hands begin to manipulate the tissue. It`s great stuff, and much older than a fad, though that is the way of most fads, making something ancient hyperpopular for a few years.

Is it normal for a guy to get an erection while getting a massage? And has someone ever asked you for a "happy ending?"

Completely normal. Completely.

Asked? yes. Received? not for money.

Interesting it's actually happened that you gave maybe someone who has been seeing you for awhile a, ummm, bonus?

Hi im a student right now at the Swedish institute for massage therapy and i just wanted to ask you how you started up your practice after you got your license. What was your first step?
Any tips/pointers would be greatly appreciated.


Hey, Aidan, that was my school, too! Awesome to know the legacy continues. My first pointer: snip the elastic at the ankles of the uniform pants. No one ever noticed I`d done it and it was a LOT more comfortable for hands-on classes.

When I first got my license, I was so nervous that I didn`t go to get a `real job`for the first year. I even got a job in a sporting goods store for 6 months. The panic passes, though. While you`re still fresh and your body isn`t protesting overmuch, I`d get spa experience. They work you very hard and they`re not very nice to you, but you`ll get to touch a lot of bodies in a short time, and that`s super valuable. If you already know the direction you`d like to head with your career, find a spa that caters to your population; if not, spas are a great way to find out what you like. And please feel free to ask other things, or to PM me. Major support here!

How would you feel and react if a well-behaved client you have known for some time would ask you to massage his buttocks just for the sheer pleasure of it?

I have been getting an occasional chocolate massage from the same MT for a couple of years now. The massage is not deep tissue massage but more like firm caressing, and it's more about pleasure and relaxation than opening knots in the muscles. (She has said that this is her view of the massage also, not just mine.) I guess it's pretty similar to aromatherapy massage, but with chocolate oil.

I'm naked during the massage and I especially like it when my glutes, stomach and chest are massaged. I would like the MT to spend more time on those areas, the whole 90 minutes if it was up to me! Since the massage is already all about giving me physical pleasure, I feel like I wouldn't be completely out of line if I asked her to focus more on certain areas of my body, just to make it more pleasant for me. However, since we are talking about my butt here, which is an erogenous area, and there is no medical reason to focus on it, I realize some tact may be required.

I would like to emphasize that I have no intention of asking her to touch anything she doesn't normally touch. I respect her and I want her to feel respected. In general, I find the massage more relaxing then exciting. I do admit, however, that as a whole the massage is a sensuous experience and some sexual feelings may rise from time to time. Therefore, it is certainly possible that an extended butt massage may cause me to become sexually aroused, but that is not what I'm after here. I want her to massage my butt because it feels good in the same way that having your face caressed feels good, not because it feels good in a sexual way.

To drive my point further, I think I have gotten an erection only once during a massage (any massage) and even then it went away before I turned on my back.

So, do you have any advice on how I should ask for her to focus more on my buttocks, so it would become clear that I'm being sincere and not just paving the road to a happy ending or something equally sinister? :)

I`m replying here because it`s been 6 days and i`m so sorry for the delay! someone told me they couldn`t find my reply when i made a new comment.

Given the backup information you mentioned, you are free and clear. Not a thing wrong with what you want or how you want it. Just be clear and direct and honest. Blushing does not make us think you want something you don`t, but excessive hemming and hawing may. Say what you want: we`re in the business of pleasure, which is something we get to share with the kitchen staff. No shame in that.

I went in for a massage yesterday. My MT has issues with spring allergies. We chat and know each other almost to a social level. I brought her two two liter bottles of fancy spring water. I asked to to please feel free to enjoy the water during the session. Her throat was clear but I think she was ready for the session to end.

oh, allergies are tough!! You don't want to be all doped up, but you can't keep clearing your throat and such... that was a very kind thing you did, CWS.

I've had a number of massages and never had an erection. It's all in your mind guys so stay out of the gutter and you'll relax enough to enjoy the massage and feel it's benefit. I've been naked for all of them and only once did the lady cover me with a sheet and blanket. In fact, she put several blankets over my groin and butt and the weight was actually uncomfortable. All the other MTs used a sheet and whether they could "see" anything was of no consequence for either of us. They were doing their job and I was getting the relief I was hoping for by the massage. BTW; I'm a nurse and back in the day we always gave backrubs to patients. It helped them to relax if they were anxious or had pain and the relaxation reduced their anxiety and pain. Nowadays, your lucky if they spend a couple of minutes with you, forget about a backrub, and good luck with using your call-light. It's turned into an assembly line; in and out faster than the burger place!

Do you ever see the mans penis or testicals on accident?

Yes, sometimes.

Is there more to your question?


Ohh, but that's a good question. I had to think hard! Mostly, I suspect it will be a question of saving the meals that really do you in for when you know you've got some time at home.. Check your nutrition notes, and schedule accordingly... but on the fly, there are a few tricks. One is so evil i will only mention it by PM, if you send me one. You can certainly find a mild incense as a cover, but really, there's just not that much you can do about it if you're about to burst. It's not terribly pleasant, but the most professional thing you can do in a pinch is excuse yourself and keep working. If you have a bit of warning, it might be nice of you to go down to the feet or pretend to need to straighten a blanket so it's not right by the client's face... And I DO empathise!

My usual problem was irritated throat, and I was always looking for ways not to clear my throat incessantly.

As a student who just finished schooling this has been amazing to read over. There were quite a few questions that were answered that were answered that I hadn't experienced yet while I was in a school/clinical setting, that I'm sure I will come across once I get into the actual field.I do have one question though that wasn't asked, the question was asked from a client standpoint, but not from a MT's standpoint. I was wondering what you do if YOU have gas? I have stomach problems and it's something I'm working on, but right now there isn't anything I can do about it. I WOULD take something like Gas-X, but then that would counteract the antacid medicine that I take. Any suggestions for when I actually go into the career field?


That's one of the reasons for the blanket: the weight is a bit more comforting than just a sliding sheet. It's general practice, but if you go somewhere where there is no blanket, you can complain of being cold to get more covers. I have worked some places where there were no blankets, but i'd just add another sheet double folded, and it helps.


Thank you for taking the time to answer some questions that were definetely on our minds. I recently experienced my first massage, and It was a good experience. My MT had a sheet and a blanket that she draped me with. Is it common, with all MTs, to have both a blanket and sheet or was she one of the few? I am wondering if I go to another MT will they have the same setup with sheet and blanket. I opted to keep my underwear on this time, but I am considering going nude next time. My concern is that when she left the room at the end of my massage, I was partially erect. I like the idea of the blanket over the sheet to help hide it.


Aw, thanks RR! :) Just stopped back on the off chance, since you didn't actually "reply", I didn't get a specific message. Anywho, glad to perhaps plant a seed. If you start talking, you will find exactly what you are looking for. "Find the others" - zenpencils. You have something you love, and it will be clear to anyone you talk to about it - so they will know if they are aware of anything that relates to your "favourite bits".

Haven't had it yet, still waiting for more excuses to make the journey South to a town... ;) Will post back as and when. Don't forget to let us know any info you can about ur research - anon of course!!



thank you so much! Your comments mean a lot. I would LOVE to do a research project ...then again, I'd love to do pretty much everything. You're right, this field is catnip to me. *grin* If you happen to remember to come back, I'd love to know how your massage goes!


I do have a standard order in the same way that a baker who has made the same recipe thousands of times automatically puts his hand to the dough... but that doesn't mean i'm not able or willing to change it up. I start where I feel, particularly if the client has a chief complaint. As a basic idea, my usual points of initial contact are feet, lower back, upper back... occasionally i will start at the head. If a client has a preference, then that is where I'll start, with the proviso that if i feel it is a medically bad idea i won't do it. For example, if a client requests work to their abdominal cavity, I will do it, but not first.

Thank you so much this is amazing! I wish there was a "favourite" button... Your tone tells us all that you speak is true, and you haven't even left out the bit about smirking. Happy days, afaik you put all our worries to rest. Hands & base of skull - that would be me as an IT support engineer-come monitoring, evaluating and reporting consultant... I might just fall over after work on those!!

Where did you say you practice again? ;) No seriously I will be checking into somewhere soon XD

But reading through your comment replies, you are literally dancing through them, like they are music playing to your beat. This is your play area, your field - and you love it. I would be surprised if you didn't get involved in some kind of researchy project in the near future, sounds like you're one of those great people to work with :D

Do you always start with the top or the bottom? What if the client has a preference?


It's completely awesome that you're getting massage, and I have to say that I love that you're seeing the situation from this perspective.

You're probably right that there's an issue of nerves happening there... When I went to massage school I was 19 and had never seen a naked man before. Many therapists go to school as their second or third career and therefore have at least more life experience- which may make them yet more nervous, if they have a sexual history to get over- anyway! Yes, there are things you can do.

One definite thing is to request the same therapist over again: obviously it makes sense to choose one who does what you like, but perhaps there's one whose touch or pace or depth you particularly enjoyed, and just wished she had gone to the place you asked for... one of the things that causes/ exacerbates the nervousness is the newness of the body, and a therapist who has already worked on you once may get less shy of you the second time.

Another thing you can try is having the conversation more than once. It really 'shouldn't' be your problem to fix, but seeing this as a collaborative communication gap is really you being the 'bigger person' and it's wonderful in a global sense to know that you exist... if your conversation in clothes takes place before they come into the room, and you've already said here's my chief complaint and i'm an athlete and please work these muscle groups.... then when you're on the table and they come in all quiet and shy-like, you can remind them. You can even make a sacrifice play, which I personally dislike, but it can work: "I don't even need you to work on my upper back today, please spend the time on my... " For an experienced therapist, this can be sort of... constricting, like, don't tell me how to pace myself/ do my job... but for a new therapist, it may be that they haven't gotten their time management together yet, or that they feel they have to start in a certain order in order to do a good job...

Also, know that this kind of thing is not limited to culturally sensitive areas. When I first started it was a year before I was comfortable working on people's necks. It just felt so ...powerful? I was always afraid of hurting a client.

Best wishes!

Thank you :)

I never considered it being an issue about sexual history because even though reactions happen I've always seen massage through a medicinal prism. I think I would probably have the same reservations if I had considerable life experience. Its safe to say that massage therapy probably are not my therapists' first career choice so I can see how one would be timid about certain areas.

I appreciate your insight and I'll follow your advice on my future massages.

Glad to be of help!

Greetings,Thank you so much for sharing your expertise on this board. Thanks to you I was able to overcome my classic male fears and finally get my first massage last year. My question to you is what can I do to make a rookie massage therapist more comfortable ?
3 out of last 5 therapist are fresh out of massage school (less than a year). Since I play sports I always need work done on my hamstrings, glutes and quads. The problem is that the rookie therapists seem to either ignore these areas or not really pay as much attention to them as other therapists. I thought perhaps it was a nudity problem but I get the same results with or without underwear. I also thought it was maybe the jitters from meeting a stranger for the first time but the same thing happens when I get referred to them from other healthcare professionals that have treated me for years. Is it something that I may be doing unconsciously ? Is it typical for rookie therapist to skip these areas ? What can I do as the patient to get the best out of my therapist ? I make sure I go over the areas that I need massaged before my massage starts so I'm sure its not that they didn't know. I don't want to be on the massage table and feel like i'm a dictator commanding them to massage my hamstring but I really dont want to just keep throwing money down the drain on incomplete massages.
Thanks again for your time. You are the best !

Are you saying that even if I go to a reputable salon for a long time and become a regular customer, I should count on never getting a happy ending there?

Yes, within the context of massage therapists in the US and Canada. Outside of our geographic area, I can only suppose. But yes.


The place we therapists make jokes about is in California, at the Essalen Institute. I believe there is also a place in Hawai'i that offers this. Other than that, I really don't know. You may have some success with a private ad, but the odds are against you on this. I'm sorry to say it, because I can see that your heart is in the right place, although I will also say that the power differential created by nudity in the context of massage is probably part of what creates your desire to try... But that's for you and your *psycho*therapist to figure out.

One other note: it probably sounds in your head like you're offering your therapist the opportunity to be more comfortable and at peace or something equally holistic, but most therapists would not want to be nude as they work: it's work, remember. If the illusion is working so well that you feel the work is effortless and are completely relaxed, that's WONDERFUL and your therapist is to be commended. But you're the relaxed one. We're sweating and working and we're not entirely in the same mindset as you, as we have to concentrate on both medical and bureaucratic thoughts as well as the ones that make it a hedonistic experience for you. Just saying.


I'm sure you know the difference between an erotic massage and a therapeutic one (from your comments; perhaps I oughtn't to be sure). If you're seeing a properly licensed and insured therapist for this massage, and you want more, you should either ask him out on a real date or swallow your desire. Yes, I'm being slightly heartless.

I went to school a decade ago, and my schooling cost me 30 000$US. It has now doubled in cost, even tripled in some states. After that, I was able to make in the neighbourhood of 60 000$ per annum. I didn't, personally, but I could have. So. If you are in the tax bracket that allows you to offer remuneration commensurate with the lost earning potential of losing this therapist his license to practice in a medical field, and he wants to do it, I wish you both the joy of it.

Otherwise, enjoy the massage, and jerk off later.

Hi, great article. I was just wondering if you have heard of any places, such as at a nude resort, that allow the massage therapist to also be nude. I'm not talking about anything with a 'happy ending' it's just that personally, I feel that if I am completely in the nude, my massage therapist should have the same opportunity. In fact, it would make me a lot more comfortable if she was also nude as I feel a bit exposed when I am nude but she is not (I only request women but this could go for both genders). I do understand that I may cover myself, but I feel I get a much better massage when I am fully nude. Thank you


You're more than welcome! Obviously I can't speak for every school everywhere, but erections during a massage are totally a thing we're trained for/ expecting. If you're getting worked on by a student it's because they've been through enough training to know what to do, at least under supervision. This particular student's actions may not get her a gold star in the Ethics category, but they weren't your fault, nor did you encourage her by getting more erect. Your physiological responses to her work are not under scrutiny.

I'm not sure why you don't want your wife to know you get erect (your business, and I'm not asking) but this is definitely a thing that I would love to help normalise for you. I can not see any reasonable school asking you to leave their program because you became erect. If you were to "do" anything about it or request anything inappropriate, then you would definitely come under sanction, but as long as you have been unimpeachable in your conduct, I wouldn't worry about it.

It is true that you cannot control the random distribution of clients in a clinic setting; internship directors are generally pretty strict about that, and i'm sure it was included in the waiver you signed that you don't really have a choice. That said, if you REALLY never want to work with her again, you may be able to either request that personally or opt out of the program for a semester. I will say that in my first internship i never saw the same client twice.

Thanks for the quick response. If makes me feel better to know I didn't do anything wrong. This was the first time I've been turned on during a massage. Yes, I've gotten erections, but they didn't last long and I wasn't turned on. I'll be honest, I enjoyed what happened, but my heart was pounding and I was afraid what would happen if she saw my erection and a fast heart rate. Obviously looking back on it, she did know, but it felt like I was inappropriate at the time. I never touched myself or said a word about it. In fact, I won't even adjust myself down there after I first lay down on my belly because I don't want them to think I'm playing with it.

I think I just need to get over the stigma of popping a ***** and relax. If it happens, it happens, right?


Also, you've now opened the door for me to explain a thing that was for a long time too amorphous in my head to be said aloud: This is exactly the reason for the ethics regulations (one of them, anyway). You did nothing wrong, yet you felt inappropriate. You didn't know what to do or if anything should be done at all... This is why it falls to the therapist to conduct themselves at a different level than many people feel is necessary.

Thanks again, RileyWagon.

Thanks for this blog. My wife and I have been going to a local massage school for cheap massages. She's a huge fan and always signs me up so we go together

I'm not going for any inappropriate reason, but sometimes I get an erection after they turn me on my back. The thought of somebody being able to see my bulge clearly under thin sheets causes me to get excited. And to make it worse, we're in a big open room where it's not just one therapist that can see it.

It's embarrassing though, so I normally wear underwear, not that it really helps if it happens. Last time I didn't wear any because I seem to get a better massage if don't (they work my lower back and thighs better). I was doing fine but this therapist rolled me over and started massaging my face and was sitting behind my head with what I assume was a clear shot of my bulge. I felt it growing, causing the sheets to move. That's when she said, in a seductive whisper in my ear, "Do you want it deeper?" Now earlier she had asked how the pressure was when rubbing my back, but it was clinical sounding. This gave me the hardest erection and I was doing my best to not let it throb or pulsate through the sheets, but trying was futile. I was too turned on. I replied with a yes and she worked on my face for a really long time, then slowly moved up to the rest of my head. But she seemed distracted (kept on the same spots for an unreasonable amount of time) and I heard her breathing harder.

As soon as she finished massaging my face/head it was over and she helped me get up (we use the sheets to wrap around us and walk out). That was all she rubbed on while on my back, which isn't normal. We went past an hour by a few minutes but I didn't know that at the time, because I thought she ended it early because of what was going on. But looking back on it, I think we both got a little turned on.

Now I'm afraid to go back, but my wife has already scheduled another one. I probably won't get the same girl, since it's random, but I'm afraid I'll keep getting erections and a prude will kick me out or I'll get a bad reputation and they won't let me come back. And I don't want anyone, including my wife, to know I get erections. So I'm worried about going more. But my wife will wonder if I suddenly stop. I don't want to stop wiry either, because I really enjoy a good massage. Also, this was the first time I've ever had a masseuse provoke it (knowingly or not). Am I going to get kicked out or barred?


The reason it gets asked so much is that this question weighs on people's minds. No worries! I don't mind answering you specifically.

There are, in all honesty, some therapists who take it amiss if you have an erection on the table, and who feel compelled to let you know in no uncertain terms that this is not THAT kind of place. Generally speaking, however, most therapists understand that your body is simply relaxing, and that as your blood pressure changes and your nervous system switches between sympathetic and parasympathetic responses, bloodflow is altered. Most likely it will not be taken badly.

As to ***********, a greater number of therapists are uncomfortable with this than with an erection. Personally, I would just add another towel so you didn't get cold, unless it was a lot and you were lying in a wet spot, in which case I'd slip another sheet under you. Not everyone is so comfortable with it. If you're greatly concerned that this may happen, the best thing to do is speak up. I know that's not always easy. For me, personally, I say nothing at all, and if anything happens, I say NOTHING AT ALL but I'm a scaredycat and a wuss.


Thank you for asking this question. Many people worry -and for good reason- about asking to be massaged in this area. It's linked to so many prejudices and sensitivites...

Being direct is your best bet. If you are genuinely looking for this specific work only for therapeutic purposes, hemming and hawing and hedging and blushing will honestly only make you seem as though what you really want to ask for is something else entirely. Of course, be yourself: if you blush naturally, you blush. But to a massage therapist, they're muscles, and they should get worked as well as possible, so if your chief complaint in a particular session is your upper thigh, then so be it.

You might also have a look at a muscle chart and get the name of the muscle in the place you most want work. If someone comes in and tells me they have pain in pectinius, i'm much more likely to treat them clinically than if they just say it hurts next to their *blush* no no spot.... ya dig?


Some schools do have specific reputations. In general, most spas and salons know only one or two schools by name, perhaps the closest to them regionally or the most prestigious. Medical professionals and hospitals will know more of them, because some of our training borrows from their facilities... It CAN matter but that isn't a given.


It's true that it takes a certain kind of person to do this work. It's certainly not for everyone! One thing that may help is to identify what it is that's making you uncomfortable. Do you find that people smell? Are you uncomfortable with the intimacy? Do you find it awkward to be appreciated for giving someone pleasure in a non-sexual environment? Maybe you just don't like being touched that much... Once you've got a handle on the trigger, it's a lot easier to avoid the barrel. Please feel free to get back to me if you're so inclined.

Hi, I'm planning on getting my first nude massage (and second (full body) massage ever) soon. It will be preceded by a body scrub. This question has been asked "ad infinitum" but I feel I have to address my insecurities. The day spa I will be going to clearly states that they do not perform sexual services, which I am glad about. Will they think me a pervert if I get an erection during the massage? What about if I ********* by accident? I'm concerned about this because I would like a long standing working relationship with an MT.

answering now!

how do i ask for inner/upper thigh massage

Like very close to the groin without it being inappropriate

Great question! Answer's up now.

Does the type of school you attend to get your license deter employer's decision on hiring you?

sorry for the delay. answer up now!

I just began a course in massage therapy and I would like to work in a sports related field. I knew going into this that I would have to touch people of all shapes, sizes, and genders. I have no problem with that, or at least that's what I thought. We are working on fellow students to begin with, but I feel awkward and uncomfortable being so close and personal with a stranger. Time may help me become more at ease, but do you know of any tips or tricks that might help?

sorry about the delay. answer's up, now!


Technology is tripping me up today. My beautiful answer just auto-deleted.

My first instinct was to say OF COURSE you'll be fine, because this work is about hollistic wellness, and b-mod and self-expression are important to the sense of self as whole. But then I thought some more... so here are some things to consider.

1. Where do you wish to work? Regionally speaking: If you choose to work in the spas in British Columbia, I respectfully submit that you might want to get started on that half-sleeve. It's so much a part of the culture that I think people sort of expect it. Whereas if you choose to work in the Bible Belt, I'm thinking there are parts of Mississippi where you will have no clients at all because they will fear you are working devil-magic.

2. Where do you wish to work? Professionally speaking: If you want to work chic salons in the suburbs or at the extreme high end of luxury, you may find yourself having to work in long sleeved turtlenecks to pass muster. If your goal is to massage bikers after cross-country trips, i assure you they will not mind your tribal. Personally, i prefer a therapist with neon green hair, but the best work i ever got was with a therapist so vanilla that he was shocked when he pulled back the sheet and found that i had work. *shrug*

3. How important is it to you? My tatt means a lot to me, on all levels, and I didn't give it a second thought as to my work when I got it done. If someone doesn't like my ink, I don't want to work for them. But if you're dithering about a flash trampstamp, maybe it's not important enough to figure in to the decision, and your career should take first place.

So as you can see, I really did think about this. *grin*


absolutely! yes, go for it. i shall be in your cheering section. let me know if you decide to try! there's a certain amount of natural talent that cannot be taught, but there's also a lot of technical aspects that are worth refining.

I am perusing a career a massage therapist. Will I get hired with visible tattoos?

Do you know a lot of males that are massage therapists? A girl I've dated said I'm really good at it and should think about doing massage on a regular basis.


Absolutely. Personally, I prefer my clients wear as little as possible and allow me to take care of the exposure issue with draping, as it leaves me more flexibility when I am working across two joints. However, I am aware that regulations are different from place to place. Feel free to ask your therapist what they prefer you to wear, or to tell them that you prefer to be naked. It is their responsibility to know the legal stuff.

I am a man and i prefer a female therapist. Is it okay to be nude when i am having my sesion ?

hello, hyuanleigh!

you're probably right that it's not the best thing in the world for your hands. but moisturise often and well, and i'm sure you'll be all right.

hello..i am a massage therapist. I'm a filipina but working here in serbia.. We are working 4-6 massages a day and at the end of the day, our consultant and manager will let us clean manually with water, all the slippers that had been used for the swimming pool in our spa center.. as far as i know, get exposed too long under water after several treatments wouldn't be good for the therapist's hands.. am i right?


there is a lot going on in your question. i will try to answer it all, but what i feel to say first is that if you have any discomfort or feel like you want to know what's going on, you have every right to say so. ask questions. interrogate, if you must: it's his job and the onus is on him to explain and to help you get healing work in a respectful and safe space.

Now, you asked about his drive... that one is very individual, and is not gender-dependent. so you may be barking up the wrong tree on that. but i will say that some therapists are not remotely turned on by massage, some are and hide it well, and some go work in places where it's not considered taboo. for myself personally, i am turned on but would never be so unprofessional as to let the client know it. that energy is for me to use, not for them to feel discomfited by.

as to his crossing lines and boundaries, if you're feeling like these questions need asking, then he already has. this is not to say that it's intentional. but communication is key. i suggest you speak with him if you have concerns. as a client, i would find it pretty intimidating, but as a therapist i would be so grateful to have a client ask: it's an opportunity to give better work.

This has been very interesting to read. I am wondering how male massage therapists can keep themselves from getting turned on, given thier (stereotypically) high male drives. I have been wondering lately if my massage therapist is turning me on intentionally. While not crossing lines and boundaries (i think), he has been going a little further each time. I feel like he may be testing my limits in a respectful (?) way, but it is somewhat confusing.