I Am In Love With Two People, One I Have Been With For A Year, The Other I Can Never Have. Ask Away.

I am many people. I think this is probably the first story here of several, but today this is on my mind. Ask anything you will.

 

I love him. I love her.

I've been with him for a year. Our anniversary is the 16th of this month. I love him, he loves me, we want to spend the rest of our lives together. He has recently moved in with me. Things with him are very good, our relationship is solid. He is the best thing that has happened to me in a very long time and has kept me going when I was close to gone. He even knows about her, and he holds me when I need to cry about her.

But she... She was the mother of my child, who we lost. I was deeply in love with her. I came within an inch of killing myself, came so close several times, and that was just in the two months following the break-up (she initiated it). It was a year and a half ago and still I dream about her. Worse, I know she still loves me, but we both know we can't be together again, even if we were both uninvolved. It's just a bad idea. But I want her so badly. And loving him so much at the same time, this is tearing me in two. I love her. It's all I can think, over and over. I love her. I love her. I never want to leave him, I can never go back to her. I can't let go. It hurts so much, to be torn both ways by unbreakable love. I just want to run away someplace they'll never find my body... but I know I can't.... I can't do that to them all. But oh, how I want to...

This may only be of interest to those in a similar situation, and I may have answered some questions just writing those paragraphs, but I felt like I couldn't just leave it at one or two sentences.

I can't let go. I cannot say it in a way that describes how much these six words mean. I love her, I love him.

gloomysunday gloomysunday
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 7, 2010

Exactly... thank you