I Am Bipolar 1 And Hallucinate Vividly Ask Me Anything.

I've been bipolar since birth but wasn't diagnosed until I was 51 years old.  That has been five years ago and I am finally stabilized on meds but I still have psychotic breaks now and then.  I abused prescription drugs and or alcohol all my life to still my demons.  I finally got clean and the fun began.  I had to be hospitalized and found out then what I already knew.  That I WAS different from everyone else.  I always knew it but now I knew why.  So ask me anything and I will answer anything you want to know.  No question taboo.. 

frei frei
56-60, F
5 Responses Feb 15, 2010

You know, there are more drugs now than there used to be for bipolar. Have you considered trying others drugs so you can get some rest? Rickie Lee

I really had to think about that question. I have quite a few in all categories but some of my "favorite" involve the TV. I was sitting on my couch about 3 AM watching this TV show. It was on VH1 and instead of the old show "VH1 Where Are They Now?" It was "VH1 Where They Will Be InThree Years" and it featured my favorite band Rammstein. It turned out to be a really good show with interviews and song clips which sounded dinamite. Then the picture started fading and I tried to pick up the remote but my hand was still passing through solid ob<x>jects. I looked up and the TV was off and I sort of knew it was never on but it didn't bother me at the time. I was still handicapped by my hands passing through solid ob<x>jects.

Oh yes, you better believe I take my meds! I have never completely forgotten a dose as I know what will happen if I forget. I still have breakthrough psychosis even on a high dose of antipsychotic.

Sorry, I've never done this before. I'll be glad to answer your questions. Of course, I could just say look it up online but I wouldn't do that. It wouldn't do you any good anyway. I've read the list of symptoms and never recognized myself! LOL! Bipolar is the same thing as the more descriptive term Manic/Depressive. Means mood swings from WAY down to WAY up. The only way to tell you is describe it. Depression is the worst feeling you could ever have. It is way beyond feeling sad. It is feeling hopeless. You start to lose interest in things you used to like. You often don't have the energy to get out of bed some mornings to go to work. You start neglecting your appearance and don't bathe as often. It can get to the point where you attempt suicide to make those feelings just STOP and not because you want to die. In fact, you probably don't want to die at all but have lost the will to go on living feeling so hopeless.<br />
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Then, the mania comes sneaking up on me. It starts for me by not being able to sleep more than 4 or 5 hours a night for a few nights and I know it's coming. Then I will know before that afternoon that I won't sleep that night. My skin is electrified and I can't stand the slightest touch to my body. Sounds and noises are so amplified that one single note of a good song rings clear as a bell and vibrates in the air. Every one of my senses are on overload when I'm manic. My mind is racing at the speed of light and concentrating on two seperate trains of thought at the same time. I feel euphoric and omnipotent. Is it any wonder that we bipolar's don't WAN'T to be hospitalized!!!!LOL!Mania is the uliimate drug! Like every drug it has bad side effects. I will have to tell about all of them at some other time because there are many really bad things about mania but the worst is hallucinating.

Do you take your meds? Rickie Lee