I'm Having An Abortion

I'm a 21-year-old university student and last week I found out I was pregnant. I immediately decided that I must have a termination, as I'm not in the right stage in my life to be a mother. The father is someone I had recently had a brief relationship with, though he supports my decision and agrees that it is the best thing to do, he appears so emotionally detatched from the whole thing like he doesn't understnad or even care. This makes me feel like I'm on my own. Today I was given the date of my termination (a couple of weeks from now) and a scan so the doctors could determine how far gone I was (Seven weeks) I feel sick to my stomach. I know in my heart I can't have this baby, but I'm scared of what this procedure will do to me emotionally. I'm handling it worse than I thought I would and feel like I have no one to turn to. None of my friends have been through this, my mum doesn't understand. I feel like I'll never be able to talk about it properly, because no one will know what it's like. I'm feeling guilty and upset. And I wish it could get better, but I don't see how it ever will be the same again.

pinikini pinikini
18-21, F
10 Responses Feb 27, 2009

Yeah, you're wondering about how YOU are going to be feeling emotionally. You are going to be feeling terrible. Because after you wake up on that table all you are going to want is your child. But it will be too late. I am a coward, who killed my child when I even had a chance to get support. I just was overwhelmed and I took the "easy" way out. Easy, it has been everything except for easy. And now I have no purpose in life. No one loves me and I have no one to love. You know what I do a lot of the time-window shop for baby clothes and furniture and artwork and toys! You know what I day dream about? Washing my baby daughter in a sink. Picking out her back to school supplies planning birthday parties for her. Giving her the talk about different stages of life. All the things I wish I had someone to do for me when I was growing up. I have no purpose and I don't care about anything. Everything I try to do since this "procedure" has been an utter failure. Before I did this, I could get anything I wanted. This abortion has been a curse. Truly a curse. Nothing I try to do works anymore. And I live in regret all of the time. I have no one who cares about me. I am too old to be trying to be a star or get all of the attention for myself. It is the proper time to be nurturing a child and imparting all of the things I have learned and the love that has been archived in my remorseful heart to that child. Without our children we are nothing. We don't deserve to breathe. I wish God would kill me quick.

I am very sorry you feel this way. Truly I am. But each woman who goes through this has their own experience, and though you carry that pain around with you I chose to let mine go and make peace with something that cannot be changed. It's not easy but in the end, I had no other choice. If I didn't move on with my life then it would all have been for nothing. The "what if" questions I spent ages torturing myself with would have driven me into insanity, and after a long time of beating myself up and wanting to turn back the clock I decided to let it go. That doesn't mean to say I never think about it anymore or I have no feelings towards it, or that my pain wasn't as intense as yours, just that I leave it where it belongs. In the past.

I'd like to thank everyone for their comments. The decision was made and it has been done. I'll never forget it but I'm moving on from it now. Thank you everyone who has shown me support :)

I am so sorry you have to go though this alone. Would you be willing to go to student services and talk to the counselor. I think with all the feelings,emotions and questions you are experiencing right now you need to talk to someone. Just getting it all out helps so much. It sounds as though you may be questioning yourself and your decision. You really need to be able to completely weigh out your options, before you make a final decision, and it sounds like you have a little time. <br />
Just do what in your heart feels right. It is your decision, and it has to be one you can live with yourself for making. That may sound harsh, but you do not want to live with the "what ifs" or beat yourself up. I understand being young with your whole life ahead of you and finding out your pregnant. I was 18 and getting ready to start college. I remember how scared and alone I felt. I did not want anyone to know. I was kind of ashamed of myself. Its okay to be confused, if you were not then there might be a problem:) I wish you the best, in this difficult time of your life. As you can see there are many people here who truly understand, so don't be afraid to take advantage of it.

I am in exactly the same position as you are emotionally, i have my termination tomorrow, i am petrified, i too am afraid of what the termination will do to me emotionally...i have 24 hours to make the final desision

I agree with every one.<br />
I had my child takeing at the age 3 because I could not raised it.<br />
I will had no one to help me and it was hard to sign the paper over to my x husband it took lot nerve to do.<br />
<br />
When you give it up .<br />
Some day he mint come and see you and be proud what you did.<br />
<br />
I did .<br />
And we talk all the time .<br />
And he understands.<br />
<br />
I am here for you .<br />
I did not really go throw what you did.<br />
But I feel for you.<br />
<br />
I am here for you. And looks like you have lot friend now to help you . Throw the pain and hurt you mint go throw .<br />
And It is nice to have friends to talk to .<br />
Then they turn out to be closed and be family.<br />
Good luck.<br />
<br />
I am here.<br />
<br />
Lashanda

Hello Pinkini, I know that this is a hard decision to make. You may even feel alone. However your not. Listen to all your friends on this page who cares and understand. I am here for you when ever you want to talk. As Krissie said, This can never be rectified, Choose life.

I am sorry you have to go through such a difficult thing on your own. I admire your strength. I wonder if your university has a student support service who might be able to help with support or resources? If not, they might be able to refer you to someone who can. <br />
<br />
(((Hugs)))

Please reconsider. There are so many people who would love to have a child and give it a great life. It will be something that haunts you for the rest of your life. If you need to talk, please send me a note. Know that you are not alone. My heart breaks for you.

*hugs* my heart sincerely breaks for you ...

I understand how you feel like your in this alone. I'm 19 years old, I found out I was pregnant last June. When I had toldthe father he was completely disgusted. I felt that abortion was myonly way out. I decided to have the baby becasue aborting wasn't for me. I'm not against it, I just couldnt do it. I decided to give my baby up for adoption. It has been the hardest decision of my life, but being all alone with no support I knew it was the best desicion for my son. Please feelfree tomessage me if you need to talk, I know what its like not having the support tosuch a big decision in life. I am here for you.