Love Gone So Wrong

I recently left my husband of five years two days ago.  I had to leave while he was at work because I was afraid of how he might react if he were there. I left my house, my cats everything just to get out.  My parents dont think it is a safe enviroment anymore and they were afraid that something might happen to me.   Im not really sure how I fell into a pattern of being mentally abused.  I am a professional, hard working, strong woman?  I despise people that treat woman like crap except when it is happening to myself that is.  It didnt really start until after the day we got married.  He started calling me every name in the book for no reason at all.  I couldnt even go out with my girlfriends for a couple of hours every couple months without him accusing me of messing around on him.  His father was mentally and physically abusive towards his mother when he was a child.  I left him once and came back about six months ago.  When I came back that is when things got really bad.   He would call me on my cell phone while I was at work and if I didnt answer he went into some kind of rage asking me if I was cheating on him with someone at work.  I was expected to answer even if I was in a meeting.  I guess I just didnt feel like dealing with his drama so I gave into alot of his requests.  I could go on and on. Im just really glad that I know I am not the crazy one (like he always tells me) and there are real people out there going through the same things as me. 
luvanimals55 luvanimals55
5 Responses Aug 15, 2010

I dont think he will get help. He dosent think anything is wrong with him it is all me. <br />
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until he enumerates exactly the wrong things he has done and feels shame, remorse and a sense of indebtedness to you, that man is pretty much hopeless. he deserves to be alone and lonely for the rest of his life. good for you that you left him.

i hope you are still away from him and are in a safe place right now. i know how persistent these creeps can be too, my violent ex husband didn't give up "trying it on" up to 3 years after our split, though thankfully he didn't turn it into stalking or anything that serious. it was a rather pathetic phone attempt and in his confusion he forgot all about his partner being there, while trying to reconcile with me! i believe every word you are saying, i know how sick these guys are and how low some of them will go to hurt and control you.<br />
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i'm here if you ever need to talk to someone who understands and knows first-hand what you have suffered.<br />
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Thank you for all of the support. My original post isnt the half of what I have been dealing with for 5 years. He has monitored my phone calls from the internet, looked at my emails, facebook page, etc. I know you need a password to get into all of these but if I didnt give it to him he would become enraged and I would never hear the end of it. I gave up my 8yr career and he wanted me to sell my car. Total control freak. I would have to beg him for money (not to go shopping) but for groceries. I dont think he will get help. He dosent think anything is wrong with him it is all me.

You made the right decision to leave. Make a clean break and don't allow him to manipulate you to get back into a relationship. You deserve better than that.<br />
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Time is your ally. The hurt will become less each day.<br />
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Good luck in your journey...

you are very right, you are NOT crazy. this man was suffering issues with former abuse and had become an abuser. you are making the right decision in leaving to start a new life. i'm so sorry you are going through this, so many people do and never talk about it because it is so embarrassing to realise you have unknowingly allowed abuse to happen to you continually. <br />
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i know, i have been there with all sides of abuse from others. it's devastating how it rots your self-esteem while you are going through it. stay strong and keep talking to others about your experience, even if it embarrasses you for awhile, it will get better, you will heal, and you'll find you are most definitely not alone in this experience.