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I Have A Hard Time Letting Go.

I was with my ex for five years I mean five years of hell.He beat me had my mind going in so that I feared when He walked in a room yet I just could not let him go .Sure I would kick him out but always take him back.I do not know why I am a pretty woman woman and when people at work would tell me how there man was mean or hit them I would tell them to leave him.No one should treat a woman like that and mean it yet I my self be treated like xxxx  So what do I  DO  I call him my ex because six months ago he walked out and yes I missed him but I start to feel better about me and it was hard but I like me now .He is back trying so hard to get back in my life i know this all may sound nuts y tou but it just feels better fo put down on paper ,can any one feel me thanks I feel better already thanks for the ear
lginsburg lginsburg 41-45, F 3 Responses Aug 17, 2010

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I don't know exactly what you feel because I am not you but I have experienced a similar situation. Sometimes I want to go back. I keep hoping that the man I fell in love with will somehow reappear and that everything will be better. Lately my heart hurts I mean it hurts. He has made me feel so low so bad about myself, to the point where I wanted to take my own life. I gave him everything of me for three years and it resulted with me being mentally and emotionally broken to pieces. To be honest I would still be there with him but I am just so tired of hurting. I wrote a letter to him just to get him out of my system and after doing so I felt enpowered, it says .................<br />
I don't have to feel this way about myself anymore. You have no power over me anymore. I am moving on. I will not cry over you another day. I will not wake up in your bed any longer loathing myself as you leave me. I will not listen to the negative things you say any longer. I will fly like an Eagle and soar. No more sleeping with the enemy. I am free from you. <br />
I didn't give this to him but it helped me let go of a lot of fear and feel in control of my life. Maybe you can do the same. Write a letter to him, you don't have to give it to him. Just let it go somehow.

AWwww I feel both of your pain ;(

You know, this just caught my eye, and Im gearing up for note taking on something here, but, I read it, and ...as often happens with something such as your story, I just cry, not sharing this because Im trying to proffer drama, it's simply, that I know what you speak of. I do. You are a good hearted person, you love someone, and for whatever reason there are individuals like that, out there, you will never make sense of it, trust me, it will drive you in sane, destroy your life and you will have to pick up the pieces again..and again..your heart will be destroyed just by the cruelty, and the thoughtlessnes, yes too, the physical, and you will look at them day after day, hurting more and more, and the fact that you describe five years of hell, just ...tears me apart. I know you. I was you. I didnt go through five years...I went through only 2, and when i type that out, I want to laugh, and cry. There is no way until someone ends up, with a loving charming person who turns into ..what would you call it, a crazy terrifying monster maybe? And when its over, they are 'them' again, and unfortunately good hearted loving people with a deep compassionate soul, think they either are at faul, blame themselves, and lose their perspective in life entirely, you are a good person, dont take them back...no matter how sweetly you try to help them, or change them, it wont work...and in the end, you will either lose your life, Im not being negative, I know what Im talking about..oh yes, I know the words, that are slung at one, oh I sure do...and they mentally tear you down, and you try, and you still love them..and you try, I believe every word..........., that you are pretty and obviously your self esteem has been torn assunder, because you need to not let him back in your life...dont do it. Your emotions may tell you he loves you, but he will be the same as always...get away...I took him back again and again...I never would do that now. He never changed..and the thing of it is, Im lucky to be alive, he was so brutal, and even he saw that, he cant control himself, thats what's scary, he cant..and sooner or later, he will kill someone, I was patient, kind beyond sanity..and each time, I went back or took him back, he ended up doing the same thing...I wish you luck, but I dont want you to end up being a statistic, charmers with uncontrollable tempers, and Im betting you were like me, you never once raised a hand, and were terrified..right? Like that movie, sleeping with the enemy that was...almost just like that but far worse, he not only wont change, but there are better people out there, who will treat you like a human being...;)<br />
Please pm me, I know what Im talking about..you deserve a life, better than that...***hugs***