I Never Saw It ComingIt began with him persisting that I give him a chance. I wasn't even tempted. We got ok so I thought it would be nice to hang out together. We were hanging out together, watching tv and I almost feel asleep with my back to him. He began stroking my back sending tingles through me and then he kissed my neck. The chemistry was unreal. We shared an incredibly passionate, intoxicating kiss.
When we stopped and sobered up I said things would have to go very slowly. Little did I know that this got his back up.
But it was lovely for a while. We curled up together on the couch kissing, holding each other,listening to music. The passion stayed strong. He text me every morning that I wasn't with him to say good morning and have a good day. He text every night so say sweet dreams. What I didn't know was I wasn't the only one getting this from him.
He coaxed me to talk about things and eventually I opened up completely to him. He had said nasty things to me before but he was so sorry and so loving and affectionate I believed him. But after I made myself completely vulnerable he judged me, insulted me, tried to choke me, threatened to kill me. There were times I wish he had because none of that was as bad as the things he said to me and the other things he did to me where other women were concerned.
He told me I wasn't attractive, flabby, (size 8) , demanding, crazy, selfish, useless, that I had nothing going for me, that I was irresponsible, inconsiderate. He constantly hit on other women and rubbed his ex's in my face. He used his 10 year old daughter as a reason for doing so many morally wrong things to me.
I came out of there needing his approval, needing his affection, and despising myself. I am pulling myself together and he hasn't been in touch because it turns out he practically harassed a friend of mine while he was seeing me but he didn't know she and I were friends. (and I didn't know he had any contact with her). Since he found out he has cut off all contact with me...but I didn't realise that was the reason until recently.
I know he is right that I am messed up and I must have been to get involved with him in the first place. But I am beginning to see that I didn't deserve the physical and emotional abuse. I didn't deserve to be treated like a piece of s...t . I didn't deserve to be used.
I truly loved him and saw so much good in him to begin with. I trusted him completely. And he destroyed a part of me. I don't know if I can ever repair it.