I Have No Way Out

At first, I didn't need anyone but my new boyfriend. I was young and foolish to have thought so. We've now been married for 18 months and it's HELL. 
I'm not allowed to have any friends other than the ones he's chosen for me; he doesn't want me talking on the phone when he's not home.. but when he IS home and the phone rings, he gets absolutely pissed that all my attention isn't on him.  Everything keeps me second guessing all of my actions. He wants me to do one thing.. I do it, and he's angry I did. So the next time, I don't do it... and he's pissed that I didn't. HE goes out hunting, and to nascar races, out with his buddies for a drink.  while I'm at home. I've NEVER been allowed to go out except to get groceries.
He has three kids from previous marriages, and we have two children together. I take care of everything. I do everything as if I'm his servant girl for fear of making him angry. I want so desperately to get out. I have no place to go. No money. No job. No work experience. No friends. Nothing but a high school diploma. I can't just out me and my two young children out on the street, so I'm stuck here. In hell. Serving my dictator. 
It was interesting how when I finally did decide I needed out that the day time talk shows all consisted of abused, neglected, controlled people. One woman had said her ex husband had started  by alienating her from her friends and family. Check. Becoming controlling and jealous. Check. Then came the mental/verbal/emotional abuse. Check.  Next is physical abuse.  My husband isn't far off. 3 out of 4 in this case is not a good thing.  I'm scared shitless for myself and my kids. My hair is falling out because I'm so stressed and depressed.  What can I do?  I'm stuck. And there's no way out.
lilcrozzyjc lilcrozzyjc
22-25, F
12 Responses May 24, 2007

learn not to depend on anyone else but yourself, if you can work and i mean trully work your *** off you can escape anything. life isnt always fair but you have to work your *** off to level the playing field and sometime you just have to take the risk of leaving and trying your best.

It is *always* much easier said than done.

Is it really his fault or is it yours? You need to get some self respect, get a job, work a little harder, move to a women's and children's shelter if you have to while looking for said job. http://www.womenshelters.org/ <br />
Sounds like you're too just too lazy to do anything for yourself which is why you rely on strangers to fix your problems for you. You could always move in with your parents

Wow. I agree with everyone you really need to leave. But then again it is easier said than done right? I am in the same situation but with no kids. What I have been doing lately is using sites like craigslist...try to find somewhere to stay free for a month/2 and find a job....find a place were u can barter for room and work or something...but once you get the courage you have to get away man!<br />
I left for 2 days but now I am back and now I am trying to figure out another plan....;/

keep talking to as many people as you can about it, people you trust who won't snitch on you, read about it, write in a journal about it, and slowly you will get the strength to do what you need to do

You sound like a very strong. You have accomplished so much with the struggles that you have had in your life. I can't exactly help you with your decision but what I can give you is support. Your story really touched me.<br />
Be true to thyself". I hope this helps you and I will be praying for you. Things have a way of working themselves out. You never know. You never know who you may meet that could change your life and help you through your struggles! :)<br />

wow...my heart sank when I read that check list...I am up to number 7 right now, I need to get out...I know it

I feel for you! Hang in there and if you believe in God pray for a way out, he will bless you in his time.

I am 48 yrs old and have been married for 8 years. It is my 2nd marriage. Your story is heart breaking. As much as I'd like to follow my own advice, the only thing I can say is to get away from him. You are young...do it while you can. I, also, am in an abusive situation trying to figure my way out now!!

call your sister, I bet she is willing to do everything in her power to help you. Always remember that we have a special guardian angel looking out for us.

I was pregnant with our second child.. I was due in 5 days.. he took off with a girl several hundred miles away for three days. How loved does that make me feel? I don't get to even go to the next door neighbor's house. He's said he doesn't trust me.. but I'm not the one that cheated on my first two wives. I told him I'd never judge him based on his past. and I haven't. but there's nothing in my past to make him question me. I've never done any wrong. Goodness forbid I talk to the cashier at the store.. who happens to have a penis.. and that makes me not trustworthy.

The order you mentioned from the talk show you watched is very accurate! Years ago Cosmopolitan the magizine printed this article of signs of a potential abuser. I wish I still had it but I will name a few that I do remember.<br />
1. Isolation from friends and family<br />
2. He tells you things like NO ONE ELSE WILL EVER LOVE YOU LIKE I DO<br />
3. He does not have a good relationship with his mother and speaks very disrespectful or calls her names.<br />
4.He starts criticising you and nothing that you do is ever right.<br />
5.He starts calling you names and telling you that you can't make it on your own without him saying things like "Where are you going to go nobody wants you"<br />
6.His verbal abuse starts to turn slightly physical a little push or a shove.<br />
7. His anger escalates and he starts breaking things around the house including furniture and throwing things.<br />
8. He starts to physically beat you<br />
9. Maybe he kills you the next time<br />
<br />
These are just some of the things that set off warning flags for me in any man. I was married to an abusive man and I was scared to death of him. I didn't have a hard time getting away because he had an affair and got another woman pregnant while we were married. I left him and he has been with her now since 1993. They have one child together and she and I talked. His violence only got worse. She has lived a life of hell with him. He beat her up lots of times and choked her and tried to kill her. He even beat her when she was pregnant. There are shelters that aid women and children of domestic violence. They offer safe houses and will help you get back on your feet. They can even help you find a job too. The one in my area is called Samaritan House. They are a wonderful organization. If you ever get to a point where you have to get out they help you. You can not tell anyone where you are staying for the first few months you can call your family but where you reside has to remain a secret. Eventually they work with you on finding a permanent residence for yourself and your children. Check to see what shelters are in your area and most of them have a 24 hr hotline for emergencies. I would research that and keep those phone numbers handy in the event that you have to leave in a hurry. It also doesn't hurt to get birth certificates, social security cards, shot records and things like that together so you can just grab those on your way out.