A Story of Reclaming Me

This is for all Woman (men) who have experienced the emotional anguish of emotional abuse

(Taken from the book "invisable woun'ds)

You came into my life and nothing has ever been the same since,

you touched a special part of me that noone had ever touched before.

The valnuerable me that longed to be loved.

you lit up my life with laughter,

shared my hopes and dreams,

dried my tears and loved me.

you were a treasured person in my life.

 

Then things began to change.

The man i knew and loved began to  leave,

and in his place was a cold and distant sranger

who seemed to want to crush and destroy me.

Where there had been love, warmth and acceptance,

there was colness and hostility.

Confused and bewildered,

i tried so hard to make thin'gs right,

searched for the answer to the question "why"?.

For a long time my memories of what once had been

feed my hope that tender times would come again.

That hope died slowly

replaced by piercing sorrow

as i descended into the darkness and despair.

Leaving you was the hardest thing i ever did,

but i knew i had to do it to survive.

Bewildered, alone, afraid,

I turned my back on all i believed in,

and began the  quest

through the darkness, toward's the light,

to reclaim me

It takes a long time to pick up the shattered pieces,

and to painstakingly rebuild.

Deep wound's may heal,

but i'm not the same. i'm changed.

I struggle to come to term's with that.

Will the woman who eventually emerges

some how, learn to trust again??

But there  are unexpected gift's

sorrow has carved a new depth in me.

There is greater understanding and compassion.

And i now know

That the most precious person in life is me.

I am receiving myself back, and that gift is all the more precious

because it is truly mine.

(Taken from the book invisible woun'ds) (by Kay Douglas) 

 

 Feflower

Feflower Feflower
36-40, F
15 Responses Jun 18, 2007

Hi Mcgowen01, I "understand", were you are coming from i "have so been there", :O :O yes there are also woman who "abuse' /"control' Hurt men also, my brother is "with "one", as well", ) :O i he is the "same" loves "her", to me its "not worth it weather you love them or not" as "the toxic power control/abuse of these destructive realtionships "is TO HIGH", everything you are describing the same is for my brother "no thank you", I deserve respect and i will not ever settle for abuse in any way My brothers G F is an expert "manipulator", "mind game pla<x>yer", and a "liar", she treats him like "crap", I feel sorry for him as she has told him, she 'doesn't love him', at the end of the day it is "his choice", <br />
"No thanks"!!! :O

yes my brother is still with his G F and still "he loves her :O :O sorry little bro your worth "so much more "! :O

firstly i will mention that i am a male abused by a female, my partner that was that still abuses me,id like to hear more mens true stories as im sure there is a considerable percentage of us being abused, the story is very true and familiar to most of us im sure.but i must stress that the woman reading this will proberbly doubt my words. i love my x partner very much and although all my friends and family agree with with each other that i should leave my partner, i cant. although they are right, i should do, but i love her and want to help her. every time she finishes with me after abusive texts and phone calls in early hours of the morning, and the verbal threatening words and gestures i encounter every time i visit and after we make love, every tmie she finds a way back to my heart and tells me she cant live without me and im the only one and that she is still in love with me , and i fall for it every time,i am week, because this woman ive been with for 3 years now, has sculptured me into a , something i cant describe.she controls me, but i love her so much, why ? because she knows wot buttons to press. there is a beautifull side to her. so beautifull i have never experianced it in my 44 years ,she wins me back every time, and it takes just a few days after a beautifull getting back togeather,for her to transform back to the old her. why havnt i learnt? you ask me. the answer is, i have. ive lernt so much.ive learnt that i love this woman so much il try and try and try again.silly me.i know im being abused,if anybody would like to hear the full story from the beggining in depth please let me kno. it is a true ,compelling and passionate story of two peaple still in love but both believing our partners are the abuser,

To all of you wonderful strong beautiful woman who have been through so much pain in these destructive relationships, my heart goe's out to each and everyone of you, i have come a long way since i left this destructive relationship, it hasn't been easy i have raised our daughter she was 2 when i left now she is 11, all by myself, this was my biggest fear was 'being alone', "but i have"done it'! !!! yes it is "lonely", but for me "i was "alone'", anyway in this destructive, toxic 'one way' relationship :)<br />
i am so Free, i am Free to "be me', i am "ok', to be me', "who i am is not dependent of his opinion of me', Gosh i can FLY like an Eagle i can do any thing i don't need his abuse EVER AGAIN!!! <br />
God bless you all :)

"big hugs to you", yellow fly, :) you will in time "recover from these wounds", they do "fade'', never completely, but you learn "who you are is "ok" ,we "lose our self ", in the process", of these destructive relationships, some of my biggest lesson's of wisdom that i learn't from this 1,i will Not change me, 2, i will not "let someones opinion of me define me',3, i will not accept, disrespect or abuse EVER again', abuse is not love, "hugs' to you yellow fly God bless u from Felecia in nz :)

Thank you, its beautiful. <br />
I can't stop crying. I have no words to describe the pain and the sense of isolation that I am feeling as a result of my abusive relationship. I am just happy that it is over.

I want myself back, but where do you start after your life has been intertwined within another human beings for so long. What does it look like to take the first step , I guess its just letting go and trusting God.

Im in a mentaly abusive marrige. Over the years i learned to ignore his evil words. Its hard and the words do hurt but i have to focous on myself and my kids. Hes hurt me hes devastated me but he hasnt broken my spirit. I love myself and im trying to learn to trust people. I will get away from him one day when the time is rite.

Thank-you, I have tears running down my face, and I don't think they'll be stopping any time soon. This is a very outstanding work, and will touch any person who has experienced mental and/or emotional abuse: I am still in my relationship, so it's very difficult to begin to imagine reclaiming myself.

yup, descibes the situation perfectly... i wish i could trust again, but he dashed any hopes of that happening soon. I wish i could be the happy free spirit I was agian before I met him.

what a lovely, .. it remind the past girl friend or love lol<br />
www.thankgodforebooks.com/abused.html

Wow! Thanks for sharing - describes so well the life I had with my ex!

that was just lovely --------it can happen that way I think you just lose your way and lose your sense of identity lol

Reclaiming myself, my value, was hard. The (wasted) time spent trying to find the source of the change was also the time spent twisting and torturing myself into someone (something) else--to be what was needed--which wasn't what was wanted. Leaving meant I couldn't be who I was, which made me... who exactly?

Exellent, brings to mind this short, haiku,<br />
Alas, For everything I touch with tenderness,<br />
P r i c k s like a bramble!<br />
Simular in flavor , dont you think?<br />
Dx

That's it. If only I could get myself back.